MONKEYWATCH - March 2009

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another dollop of Pattaya prattle straight from the horse’s mouth…. well okay, the monkey’s mouth. Right, off we go.

 

The story of the moment just has to be the new proposal by City Hall to extend the width of the entire length of Beach road by 18 metres and possibly make it two way. This innovative idea could be of great benefit as it would give motorists a choice of two traffic jams to get stuck in after they’ve enjoyed a day relaxing on the remaining six inches of beach.

 

A couple of Wednesdays ago, a bloke turned up at Banglamung Police Station to visit an imprisoned friend and was found to have loads of drugs stuffed in his pockets. His name, appropriately enough, turned out to be Atit, and the police have very kindly agreed to extend his visiting time by a couple of years.

 

If you’re planning to visit Nong Nooch in the near future, be sure to give whatever shit these out a VERY wide berth…

 

 

There was a strange incident at Bangkok Pattaya Hospital the other Friday when a woman who had been pronounced dead was unexpectedly spotted moving around under the sheet. As this kind of behaviour is generally considered to be inconsistent with death, the doctor reconsidered his initial diagnosis and decided she was alive after all. Shows you what a good doctor he is.

 

A chappie from Brunei had a bit of a shock the other Monday when he returned to his apartment in South Pattaya to discover it had been burgled. He told police he was surprised to be targeted, as he was considered to be a poor man in his country, and was therefore relieved that the thieves only escaped with the 300,000 baht of loose change he had forgotten about in the back pocket of one of his spare pairs of trousers.

 

We recently heard a story that a Chinaman had disappeared after falling foul of the Pattaya Mafia. Well, if he had a hard on at the time I think we might have found him…

 

 

There was another crime story from last Tuesday involving a woman travelling on a bus to Rayong being allegedly raped by the driver, but we’ve got our doubts. I mean, how would he have been able to collect the fares at the same time?

 

Not much worth reporting on the bar situation this month. Sakura Club 69 and Pinky Girl A Go Go have closed down but, to redress the balance of depravity, Counter Soho has opened in Soho Square and X-Zone 2 is finally with us, having taken over the old Taboo place in the Covent Garden Complex on Soi 16. Deep joy…with any luck.

 

We’d just like to point out that the rumour that John Cleese had been seen in a bar in Soi Buakhow the other Friday is completely untrue. Though it was indeed a long python, it was of the five foot snake variety and had escaped from a construction site, though what the hell it was doing there in the first place remains a mystery.

 

Inspired by the popular `Spot The Ball` competitions, Pattaya is pleased to announce the launch of `Spot The Tits`…

 

 

The annual Cobra Gold exercises have been carrying on as usual, with a simulated chemical attack being staged at Sattahip Navy Base. The event was a great success and the organisers made a particular point of thanking the local restaurants for providing such a convincing supply of simulated chemical weapons.

 

Finally, instead of banning alcohol over Songkran to reduce road deaths, why not ban the cars and bikes and reduce the figure to nil? Or better still, ban Songkran altogether and give us all us miserable old gits a bloody break. I’ll buy that for a dollar.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Montydog 135]

Once again top notch……….thanks

[nohlsson1 19]

One more fine report from the monkeyman.