Monkeywatch - April 2009

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another helping of Pattaya patter as we await the arrival of the dreaded wet season, otherwise known as Songkran. Right, let’s get down to it.

 

There was a bit of a panic the other week in Sattahip when a rubbish collector’s shed caught fire and it spread to 30 wooden houses and a whisky warehouse. Police attending the scene were relieved to report that there were no significant casualties as all the bottles of whisky had been successfully recovered from the charred remains of the village and its population.

 

A couple of weeks ago, a German tourist was found dead in his deckchair looking out to sea. Apparently, he’d been dead for eight hours before anybody noticed. Not sure whether that says more about Germans or Thai deckchair attendants.

 

The local Health Authority claims that there’s an increasing obesity problem in Pattaya due to people driving rather than walking. They may have a point…

 

 

It’s been reported that monkeys have been catching buses to and from markets where they go to steal food. Very strange. Actually, it might be interesting to know whether they pay 5 or 10 baht on the bus. Then again, it might not.

 

A rubbish tip in Na-Jomtien has been invaded by vast numbers of birds that have decided to settle there so they can feed on the tasty titbits in the refuse. Interestingly, they seem to be ignoring the discarded boxes of Mc Donalds, Pizza Hut and KFC in favour of the abundant supply of worms on the site. All those birds can’t be wrong, so next time you fancy some fast food, get yourself a wormburger. You know it makes sense.

 

A local bar was recently selected by a Dutch company as the venue for the launch of its new novelty sex toy…

 

 

The ASEAN summit of Asian leaders due to take place from April 10-12 has been switched from Phuket to Pattaya. This is supposedly because of a lack of available hotel rooms in Phuket…or maybe a lack of something else?

 

There’s been the usual shake-ups to the bars, though mainly bad news this month. Hell Club has closed for the time being, and Utopia in the ill-fated Soho Square has also shut its doors, though word has it that a reopening under new management is imminent. Ice Bar in LK Metro has done a spectacular U-turn and reverted back to being a coyote bar. Oh, and Legs A Go Go has been reduced to half its former size. Perhaps they should rename it Douglas Bader A Go Go.

 

Some hotels in Pattaya are offering a new service for some of their more energetic patrons – condoms on a roll…

 

 

A shirtless tattooed Slovakian slaphead (try saying that when you’re pissed) was arrested by police last week after being seen staggering along Sukhumvit Road waving his passport in the air. He then smashed a car window with his head and fell flat on his face, where he proceeded to thrash around and chuck handfuls of banknotes around while making unintelligible grunting sounds. After a struggle, police managed to capture him and take him to Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital, where he is reported to be undergoing treatment for a severe case of the Brits.

 

Finally, back to Songkran, and in case anybody hasn’t already heard, the proposed alcohol ban for this period has been rejected by the National Committee for Alcohol Consumption Control. So if you’re planning a visit, all you have to worry about now is fighting your way through the hordes of whatever coloured shirts happen to be blockading the airport this time.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Rick1079 0]

Great report, thanks for the headsup.

[nohlsson1 19]

Thanks monkeyman for the fantastic update.

[bratpack 91]

Excellent reporting

[JohnnyK 28]

I think the lighter-skinned monkeys pay 10 baht on the b-bus.

Any word on what happened to the cash the slovak slaphead was chucking around? No doubt he was bereft of cash upon arrival at the hospital.

Thanks for keeping us up to date on the antics.

[monkeyman 1,604]

I think the lighter-skinned monkeys pay 10 baht on the b-bus.

Any word on what happened to the cash the slovak slaphead was chucking around? No doubt he was bereft of cash upon arrival at the hospital.

Thanks for keeping us up to date on the antics.

I hope that anyone who found the cash donated it to a good cause, preferably the Monkeyman Freedom From Thirst Fund.