When insults had class

[BigusDicus 9,834]

When Insults Had Class

 

 

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language

 

got boiled down to 4-letter words.

 

 

 

 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

 

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

 

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

 

 

 

 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

 

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

 

 

 

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

 

 

 

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

 

 

 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

 

 

 

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

 

 

 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

 

 

 

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

 

 

 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

 

 

 

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

 

 

 

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

 

 

 

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

 

 

 

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

 

 

 

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

 

 

 

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

 

 

 

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

 

 

 

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

 

 

 

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

 

 

 

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

 

 

 

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

 

 

 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

 

 

 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

[Lantern 193]

Classics, the lot of them.

[Mescalito 19]

Classics, the lot of them.

 

 

Here's one my father told me about. Dorothy Parker, the poet, satirist and world-class wit, was about to enter a ballroom for a party when a young starlet stood aside to let Parker go first, saying to her, "Please go ahead, Miss Parker. Age before beauty."

 

Parker replied, "No, my dear. Pearls before swine".

[brotherbuzz 3,196]

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

All nice but I like that one a lot.

[Ergodyne 19]

Eric Morecambe to Andre Previn after some apalling piano playing;

"Listen PAL, i'm playing all the right notes, just not in the right order"

[BigusDicus 9,834]

Eric Morecambe to Andre Previn after some apalling piano playing;

"Listen PAL, i'm playing all the right notes, just not in the right order"

 

 

The story of my life!