Can I suggest some Rules for the Rideher Cup?

[duece]

Golf Rules

 

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

 

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

 

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

 

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

 

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

 

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor.

 

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

 

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

 

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

 

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

 

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

 

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

 

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

 

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

 

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

 

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

 

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

 

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

 

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

 

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.

 

 

Maybe you guys can think of some others?

 

Cheers duece (and George)

[duece]

Just thought of some others

 

Law 21.  No getting your tits out on the course, unless you are female.

 

Law 22. No flirting with the caddies untill you have won the hole (Europeans only).

 

Law23. (one for doggie) trousers have to be round the ankles while taking your second shot if you don't make the ladies tee with your first.

 

Law24. Hitting a Thai driving a motorbike on the move is a two shot penalty.

 

Law25. ex 5 handicappers can not play off 36.

[doghaus]

Hi Deuce

I think all these rules should be in operation for the Rideher Cup - especially the second group.

As for the penalty for not passing the ladies tee, I will be pleased to demonstrate the execution of the second shot as I have had a lot of practice at this:

 

 

I would also like all players to ensure that the dress code is strictly adhered to. Here is an example of what well dressed golfers should look like. Thanks to Big Kev and Carlsberg for modelling the outfits:

 

 

Please note that the golfer in the middle is improperly dressed due to his size and weight being unacceptable for entry into the competition.

 

Big Kev also found that loose clothing assisted with the execution of his bunker shots. Note the footwear - loafers are very useful on the beach!

 

http://www.freelancerbar.com/pics/zzmem/do..._soccer_002.jpg

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More suggestions for the competition rules are welcome.

 

Keep these competition entries coming in.

 

Cheers

 

Doggie

[ff29]

I have a somewhat obscure rule that rarely comes into play for most but I’ll add it anyway as:

 

LAW:  26. When a male player fails to hit his ball on his initial drive from his tee box past the women’s tee box he MUST lower his drawers and shoot in that configuration from the point at which the ball came to rest.

 

As was evident by the above post above by “doggie” this rule is fully enforced by some of us golf purists at all levels of golf competition in USA golf.  As is evident from the picture of the poor chap from across the pond, he learned about it the hard way.

 

One of the other players, a newcomer to golf and playing for Team USA “thumper” said, “I’m sure the hell glad I made it past the woman’s tee box, I don’t have on under shorts.”  Well, maybe he passed up a golden opportunity with our girl caddies?  They may have washed his balls and kissed them for good luck!  I’ll bet that would have given him a stiff putter. (that’s an old one)

 

For those of you who didn’t know “doggie” played for Team USA last year because Team Europe had two more player than us.  So, he wore a red shirt to even up the sides.  But I think he played with a blue heart that may not have been totally pure! Just kidding “doggie.”  Your really an OK guy. . .as far as “doggie’s” go.  But, it does seem to me Team USA only lost by 1 point?  I wonder??

 

This year we’re bring some real aces from America for Team USA.  One has a 36 handicap, another has a 26 handicap and I have a 22 handicap.  Sounds like we’ll be a real threat this year to Team Europe!  I sure hope I make it past the woman’s tee box this year.  Help!!

 

Well, I can tell all who are thinking about playing this year in the Rideher Cup 2003 for what ever team it was really great fun last year.  Everyone, I think, had an excellent time and lots of food, women and drink.  What more could a golfer ask for?  Oh, I know. . .This is for Ben at the FLB. . Let’s try to get some of the FLB hostesses to do lap dancing in the lower level of the tour bus for the long boring trip to the golf course and back?  I know it was mentioned last year so I thought I’d bring it up again.  The girls are so great.

 

God willing, I hope to see all of the crew in Oct – Nov 2003.  I’m planning to be there for a month.  I’m bring the Mrs. this trip so maybe we’ll have a least two women along for the golf outing and the bus trip, that is if Hilly’s better half plays again this year.  I guess that my trip this time will be a little bit interesting as it’s my wife’s first trip out of the USA and my first time (of three) to LOS with her coming along with me?  Time will tell?

 

Regards,

 

ff29    [smiley=devil.gif]

[ff29]

As long as I was mentioning underwear in my earlier post along with LAW: 26 a slight modification of Law: 23 that Duece  posted, sorry for being repetitive, I came across an interesting article in the Northwest Florida Daily News that described a protruding situation something like this:

 

A Crestview Couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he got the car fixed in the parking lot.

 

When the wife returned sometime later she saw a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis of their automobile.  Although the man was in shorts, his Lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif]  Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her Hand Up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

 

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.  The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead after banging it on the frame of the car from his shocking re-tucking.

 

I’ll have to look close at “thumpers” forehead because he jut got back from Florida a month or so ago??  Maybe wear shorts this trip?

 

And how was your day?

 

Regards,

 

ff29     [smiley=puke.gif]

 

Some people are really sick!

[Eneukman]

Some rules for after the Europeans have won  ;D ;D ;D

 

The Rules of Bedroom Golf

 

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

 

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

 

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

 

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

 

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

 

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

 

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to the hills.

 

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses that they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset courses owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.

 

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

 

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they consider a private course.

 

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

 

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owner's permission before attempting to play the back nine.

 

13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owner's request.

 

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

 

Alan

[Grendel]

I think this was a rule last year but not strictly enforced, a 100 baht fine for apologizing to your partner for a bad shot.  The fine money could go into a drink kitty for all participants to enjoy.  I think we could also add some type of prize for managing to hit a shot that ends up behind you, yes I saw this done last year by a very good player.

 

Gren (Matt)

[doghaus]

Hi Matt

 

Your suggested rules look good - I'll make sure that they are in the rule book.

 

I also saw the ball end up behind the player in last year's event.  Kenny hit a tree with his drive. The ball rebounded behind him. Not only was he playing his second from behind the tee but we insisted that he dropped his trousers because the ball had not passed the ladies tee.

 

Look forward to meeting you again in October.

 

Doggie (Callum)

[yofrost]

Hey Doggie,

is your e-mail address correct in the members section,

I sent an e-mail to that address last Sunday

yofrost

Big Fred [smiley=cheers.gif]

[doghaus]

Hi Big Fred

Got the e-mail and a reply has been sent to you.

Cheers

Doggie

[saigon_butterfly]

Sure would be  nice if we could buy some mulligans.  Hate to drop me pants in the middle of the course and have me caddy snickering at me for the rest of the round.  SB

[doghaus]

Saigon

I am not in favour of mulligans in the event but it would be interesting to get the views of other players. Last year, we played 9 holes as foursomes (hitting alternate shots) and 9 as fourball better ball. The four ball better ball format means that your partner can bail you out even if you duff your drive. In foursomes, you can really put each other in the shit but half the fun is playing out of the trouble that your partner put you in!

An alternative for this year would be to play 9 holes as greensomes - where you both hit a drive and then select the best one. Then it carries on with selecting the best shot and both hitting from that spot. There would need to be a rule that each player has to have his/her drive selected on 4 holes.

What do players think about this proposal?

Doggie.

[ff29]

Posted by: saigon_butterfly Posted on: 07/16/03 at 14:59:20

 

Sure would be  nice if we could buy some mulligans.  Hate to drop me pants in the middle of the course and have me caddy snickering at me for the rest of the round.

 

Saigon, half the fun is the watch your caddie's [smiley=yikes.gif] faces [smiley=yikes.gif] and hear their "[smiley=grin.gif] Snickers [smiley=grin.gif] when your [smiley=shame.gif] Knickers [smiley=shame.gif]" are around your ankles. (remember to wear clean underwear. . .or nothing at all)

 

However, I agree with doggie and I’m not in favor of allowing mulligans because of alternate ball and best ball format.  But it could make things real [smiley=grins-jump.gif] interesting. [smiley=grins-jump.gif] Here are some of my suggestions for everyone’s consideration:

 

1)      Only be able to purchase up to 4 mulligans before play starts.

2)      Be able to only use 2 mulligans per nine holes of play.

3)      Cost per mulligan at 100 baht each with money going into the Baht Pool.

4)      Only 1 mulligan from tee box only and 1 mulligan from anyplace on course other than tee box.

5)      No carryovers allowed.  If you don’t use your 2 on the front nine you lose them on the back nine.

6)      Opponents can use appropriate (tee box or anyplace) mulligan to make opponets team’s member shoot his or her shot over again if they think their opponent's shot was too good or was just a lucky one.

7)      No mulligan can be used against their opponents or for themselves when other prizes are being played for on the shot. (closest to the pin, shortest drive, longest drive, etc)

 

A couple of suggestions for dividing up the Baht Pool:

•      Two names drawn out of a hat, at random, during the FLB party afterwards for half of the Baht Pool money.  One winner for the front nine and one winner for the back nine. (Must purchase 4 mulligans before play starts to be in the Baht Pool drawing)

•      Baht Pool money could be also be divided equally among the “FLB’s Party Baht Bus Lap Dancers” in the lower lounge. (If Ben can get them to go?)

 

Doggie, Saigon may not have a half bad idea?  It could make for some interesting twists.  Maybe some other players could offer some constructive suggestion here, pro or con.  The more input the more clearly the issue will become.  To do or not to do. . .that is the question??

 

Regards,

 

Ff29 [smiley=devil.gif]

 

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