Monkeywatch - December 2012

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and a Merry Christmas and Cool Yule to one and all as we take a festive squint at the goings on and comings off in the City Of Smirks during yet another season of piss on earth on goodwill to all mongers.

 

A Russian quality tourist and two Thai security guards were taken to hospital the other Thursday after having a knife fight outside a Walking Street disco. It was observed that this incident took place in Pattaya’s Tourist Safety Zone, which led some commentators to suggest that the idea might not be working too well. One might also suggest that this is something of an understatement.

 

A motorcyclist stopped at a police checkpoint for not wearing a helmet was searched and found to be in possession of a gun and 100 yabba tablets. Someone should tell him that 100 bullets would have worked much better.

 

Never ask a Thai to direct you to the Bamboo Bar…

 

 

A strange occurrence came to pass in East Pattaya last Tuesday when a loud explosion was heard and a large chunk of unusual dark coloured metal fell from the sky and landed on a piece of wasteland. Speculation grew that it may have fallen from a UFO, and rumours began to spread of people disappearing overnight and being found the next morning with no recollection of what had happened to them. So just a normal day in Pattaya then.

 

A Brit tourist drowned last week while he and his chums were fleeing from security guards following an altercation in an all-night discotheque. “We are treating this as a very serious incident”, said a police spokesman, “that discotheque should have been closed by 3am.”

 

Police were called to Beach Road the other night after a car smashed into the front of a tailors shop. The shop owner, who was erecting a new window display at the time, was unhurt but said he would be suing the woman driver for the damage to his shop front and for bending his dickey.

 

But not nightly, matey…

 

 

Bar news now, and New York New York (so good they closed it twice), Submarine A Go Go, MASH, Office A Go Go and Club Relaxxx have all been temporarily closed for “renovations” at the insistence of the local plod. Most are up and running again now, though there’s a whisper that Submarine may be permanently sunk. On the upside, there’s a shitload of new places either open or opening shortly, namely Miami A Go Go (Soi Post Office), Glamour A Go, Upstairs A Go Go and Sensations A Go Go (Walking Street) and Lady Love A Go Go (Soi LK Metro). The name of the Go Go that’s under construction on the corner of Soi 14 has finally been revealed as Sugar Baby (no points for originality there), and its ownership links suggest it may be one to watch.

 

It’s being reported that Pattaya now has a bad reputation with Russian tourists. Interesting. It’s traditionally been the other way round.

 

As in the case of two Ruskie tarts who were arrested on Wednesday last week after smashing a coke bottle over the head of a shop assistant at a local convenience store. They claimed in their defence that it was a traditional Russian greeting, but were taken to the local police station and given a traditional Thai greeting - with the aid of a few police batons.

 

Well, that sign seems to have covered all the plus points…

 

 

Some places have tree huggers, Pattaya has tree hackers. Yes, the Beach Road defoliation has begun again, only four months after the previous apocalypse of aesthetic devastation. It’s being claimed that the action was necessary because ripened coconuts could be a danger to tourists but this allegation is not backed up by police records, which clearly demonstrate that no Beach Road coconut has ever been convicted of assaulting holidaymakers, or indeed of any other crime of violence. A couple of them are, however, being investigated for sex offences allegedly committed in the 1970s, though police stressed that they were not connected to the Jimmy Savile case.

 

Finally, City officials are in the process of cleaning up Walking Street. No, don’t panic, this particular clean up only involves brooms, mops and lots of soapy water. They’re also planning to get rid of all the trash and banish the nasty smells. Okay, you can start panicking now.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Sinistersinner]

Awesome as usual

[Fornicator]

Very funning stuff!

[mareht123]

I'm ashamed to say that this is the first time i've partaken of monkeywatch, but I shall be backtracking and keeping tabs in the future. Great humour lol...