Monkeywatch - February 2014

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to another month’s shameless shenanigans. Here we go.

A couple of young Russian lads had a bit of an unfortunate experience the other week after picking up a couple of Thai girls on Beach Road. When they got the girls back to their hotel, they discovered they weren’t quite as girlie as expected and a row broke out, followed by a fight that the ladyboys won. Our two hapless heroes then ran off to the police station, resulting in both themselves and the katoeys being arrested and bundled off to hospital to get themselves cleaned up. To top it all, the local hacks showed up and took some photos that were then splashed all over the internet for the delectation of the victims’ families and friends. Never mind lads, one day you’ll laugh about this. In around 50 years time, probably.

A street vendor had a bit of bad luck when he fell down a big hole while crossing a construction site near the entrance to Beach Road in the early hours of the morning. Unfortunately, his artificial arms came off during the fall and he couldn’t get out again. He was helped out of the hole by passing tourists but the detached limbs were nowhere to be seen. Police later arrested a man after he was reported to be trying to sell them to a local arms dealer.

A delivery driver was injured the other Wednesday after a falling bed landed on him. He was rushed to hospital where he was said to be in a serious condition and under his death bed.

Pattaya’s Annual Shooting Competition has had to be cancelled after the manufacturer of the clay pigeons misread centimetres for metres...



Here’s a new idea for Pattaya – tribute bars. When a well-known bar disappears from the scene, why not replace it with a similarly sounding copy, just like they do with bands? Anyone for Effing B Bar? Or Club Glue? We’re waiting for a certain Soi 15 show bar to shut so we can open Analbitch.

Some people make a big thing about men in Pattaya going with much younger women like it never happened anywhere else, but as we know, that’s bollocks. Take Bruce Forsyth, for instance. His wife’s 40 years younger than him – but then so is his hair.

And now, just for a change, a story about a jet ski scam. Five young Russian lads (it just ain’t their month, is it?) were forced to hand over 113,000 baht to jet ski operators after allegedly damaging all five of the craft they’d rented a few minutes earlier. They weren’t too keen on paying until two blokes who looked very slightly not unlike policemen told them to pay up if they didn’t want to spend the rest of their lives in a local nick pulling poofs out of their buttocks. They coughed up, but not before taking photos of each of the 22,600 baht scratches and handing them to the local plod. The case continues.

If you need an umbrella with a built in satellite dish, this is where to get it...



Bar news now, and the long anticipated closure of FLB Bar has finally come to pass. A sad day for so many whose Pattaya journey began within those very walls. The demise of medically based bars continues with Clinic A Go Go following MASH and Rehab into oblivion, and Moonlight A Go Go has also gone after an indecently short life. Rhino A Go Go closed for a refurb and has alarmingly re-emerged as a coyote bar, though they at least had the courtesy to rename the place Rhino Club, unlike others who try to pass coyote bars off as go go bars. Why do they do that? Why not just open a Go Go bar?

An elderly Russian woman suffered a broken leg earlier this week after an Indian dickhead drove a jet ski onto the beach and collided with her. The jet ski operator is now demanding 20,000 baht from the Indian for damaging the craft on the Russian and a further 20,000 baht from the Russian for damaging it with her leg. The Russian is demanding 20,000 baht each from the Indian and the jet ski operator for her injuries. The Indian is demanding 20,000 baht from the jet ski operator for renting him a craft with dodgy steering and 20,000 baht from the Russian woman for crossing a beach without due care and attention. And the police are demanding 20,000 baht from all three of them because they can. The saga continues.

A group of 22 students were injured on Highway 36 last Wednesday morning after they were involved in a collision with a container truck. None of the students were seriously hurt but their motorbike was a write off.

Gone tomorrow?..



Some newbies to Pattaya have been asking if Beach Road is safe in the early hours of the morning. Yes, Beach Road is perfectly safe – it’s just the people who use it who are in the shit.

A group of 50 students held a gathering on Pattaya Beach last Wednesday as a prelude to the General Election. All went well until a woman started hurling abuse, followed by volley of Molotov Cocktails. She was punched in the face, then others came to join in, shots were fired, mass brawling broke out followed by several ear-splitting explosions and the whole thing ended up looking like Dante’s vision of hell. Even a passing Vietnam veteran said “I’ve never seen anything like it”. When asked the purpose of the gathering, a student replied “It was a peace rally”.

And finally, a third jet ski story, but one with a difference. A Thai man rented a jet ski and, when accused of damaging it, threatened to have the jet ski operator killed by a gang of Red Shirts. Proof, if proof was needed, that the best form of defence is attack. It did get him arrested though.

be seeing you
monkeyman

[Nightrider]

Good reading as usual Monkey.......

[teelack]

Great stuff MM and as always appreciated. Is the closure of the Moonlight a record for brevity of business?

[monkeyman]

Great stuff MM and as always appreciated. Is the closure of the Moonlight a record for brevity of business?

 

How about The Pleasure Dome? It never even opened.