Monkeywatch - September 2014

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming along for the ride, and off we go once again.

 

Police and bomb disposal experts were called to a local hospital after what was thought to be an explosive device was found outside the premises by a nurse arriving for work. The device proved to be an imitation when it pretended to explode and feigned injury to several people.

 

Some representatives from the Ministry of Defence visited Pattaya the other Thursday for what was described as an educational visit to observe how the local police and City Hall went about their business. When asked if the visit had been educational, one of the representatives replied “Well it certainly taught us a lesson”.

 

Police and medics were called to a local park a couple of Tuesdays ago after a Russian was injured by a suction pipe. No information was released about the Russian or the suction pipe, though the latter is believed to work in a Soi 6 bar.

 

Pattaya Sanitation Department has bought a load of spiffy new drainage pipes in an effort to avoid a repetition of the chaos caused by floods during recent rainy seasons. Unfortunately, they blew their whole budget on the pipes so they can’t afford to install them until next year. In the meantime, they’ve stacked the pipes up and are advertising them as luxury accommodation for Indian tourists…

 

 

A Thai-German boy was taken to hospital after being bitten by a pack of stray dogs on Pattaya Beach. An observer reckoned the boy had a lucky escape as the dogs looked like they were about to eat him. It seems they spat him out when they realised he wasn’t pure Thai, as they are known to have a distaste for foreign food. Pity the bloody mosquitoes don’t have a similar palate.

 

One of Thailand’s Olympic sailors was involved in a bit of an accident three weeks back when he crashed into the front of a roadside restaurant on the Sukhumvit Road, destroying five parked motorbikes in the process. The chappie concerned is apparently training hard for the Asean Games in South Korea this month. Perhaps someone should tell him his training would probably go better if he tried doing it on the water.

 

Pattaya’s very own complaint centre has opened following a decree from the boys in power that such centres should be set up throughout the country. The centres will focus on various issues, though we are promised that entertainment venues will come under particular scrutiny and anyone who witnesses drug usage, underage staff and patrons or lewd shows should contact them immediately. They surely won’t have anything to do then, given the huge influx of quality tourists into Pattaya in recent years. There’s a rumour going round that the very first complainant went in to complain about the complaints centre and was taken out the back and shot.

 

There’s been a lot of talk recently about the Pattaya Underground Lottery but we weren’t able to get any more information as their Head Office refused to comment…

 

 

Bars news now, and things have been a little quieter this month. Walking Street will shortly be adding Infinity A Go Go to its list, which will be a new bar rather than an old one rebranded. Ginza I has reopened despite rumours to the contrary and Ginza II has resurfaced under new management and gone back to its old moniker of Glasshouse. Moonlight A Go Go has also unexpectedly reopened after a seven month absence and is still open several days later, which is unusual for a bar on that site. LK Metro has yet another new Go Go in the shape of Malibu Club, which has opened next door to its sister bar Champagne. And Lighthouse briefly became Alighthouse when it caught fire a couple of weeks ago but it’s all better now. Spiffing.

 

For food fans, the front of Royal Garden Plaza is the home of a new KFC (that’s Korean Fried Canine), so if you’re feeling a little husky you can now go and eat one. There’s also a new restaurant on Soi Buakhao called Woks and Knickers, which sounds interesting if you’re a monger but a tad racist if you’re a bit hard of hearing.

 

Arson is suspected after a noisy Karaoke Bar in Jomtien burned to the ground in the early hours of the morning a couple of Mondays ago. Five thousand local residents and holidaymakers are helping the police with their enquiries.

 

Ever had that feeling you’re being watched?...

 

As part of a new police training initiative, officers took part in a simulated bank robbery in Jomtien last week. Two armed men made off with 2,000,000 baht but only made it as far as Jomtien Second Road before they were arrested and the money was returned – well, most of it anyway.

An Algerian has filed a discrimination claim against an airline after he was ejected from the flight because he ‘smelled like a pair of zookeeper’s boots’. However, it’s still unclear whether the man is claiming he was discriminated against because he’s an Algerian or because he’s a stinking pig.

And finally, where have all the Russians gone? Several theories have been expounded about their dwindling numbers, but the definitive answer still seems to elude us. Perhaps it’s best to just keep quiet and try to contain our grief.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack 9,639]

Keenly awaited each month and it never fails to please. Keep them coming and remember that the truth is out there and we at home expect you to keep serving it up.

[MeGoDanceNow 4,281]

Nice work once again, Monkeyman!

 

The falling ruble has kept the Russian tourists away, which for me is a shame. Fewer topless beauties to ogle by the pool.

[Sailfast 503]

Another masterpiece. Thanks Monkey

[Nightrider 340]

Top notch as usual monkey......