Monkeywatch - August 2024

[monkeyman 1,597]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for your valued patronage, and welcome to another stream of unconsciousness. Let’s go with the flow.

Within the space of a few days, two South Korean tourists were found drowned off the coast of Koh Larn. No doubt the Chinese will be accusing them of cultural appropriation, having had something of a monopoly on drowning around this location, though in their case it’s usually by the ferry load.

If you’re having a bit of trouble getting the old plonker to perform these days, you may be interested to know that a Thai clinic can now offer to fit you with a prosthetic penis. It seems that they insert some kind of inflatable thingy into your dick, though their advert omits to mention how the inflation of the device is actually achieved. One thinks they should clear this point up before some silly bugger has one fitted and connects it to the air line at his local garage. Now that’s an image that could stick in the mind for a long time.

Pattaya City has assured visitors that it is committed to completing the construction of the 32 public restrooms at Bali Hai Pier. Some are, however, questioning the strength of this commitment as the project was originally scheduled for completion in June 2021. Best advice is to just take a piss off the end of the pier.

Preparations are under way for the Pattaya Amateur Dramatic Society’s outdoor production of Lawrence of Arabia…

Two Thai men have been arrested for smuggling six million meth tablets into the country by concealing them in an elephant’s anus. In another story, meth use in Thailand has taken a sudden and unexpected drop.

Pattaya police are investigating after a cannabis shop owner reported that someone had stolen his bong. Shortly afterwards, a Vietnamese tourist reported that someone had stolen his Dong. Now that sounds an awful lot nastier.

Have you noticed that many bar girls on social media now list their profession as ‘digital creator’? So why are they doing that then? Doesn’t sound like a very accurate description of bar work. We did notice that it’s an anagram of ‘Dictatorial Reg’ so perhaps he bullied them into it. Or more likely still, perhaps he didn’t.

If anybody asks you the way to the Bamboo Bar, just send them here…

Bar news now, and the Pin Up family is to have a new member on Walking Street by the name of Chick A Go Go. That should keep a few eyes slanting. Soi Diamond also has a new place on the way called True Color A Go Go. Strange name.

Police in Pattaya say they’re committed to clamping down on traffic light violators. Good thing too. We can do without those sorts of perverts. And saying they were given the green light is no defence.

Once more we take a magic carpet ride into dreamland with a look back at a trio of tales from Monkeywatch in August 2014…

“As you probably know, new security measures have been put in place to by those friendly airline people keep you safer when you fly to Fun City. From now on, if customs officials find an electronic device in someone’s luggage that might be a bomb, the owner will be asked to turn it on. There you are. Feel safer now?

Pawnbrokers and antique dealers in Pattaya have been issued with instructions on how to avoid selling stolen government property - stop buying it. Easier said than done according to the shops in question, though one would think it unlikely that someone trying to flog a load of drain covers and bridge rails had obtained them from a legitimate source.

Armed soldiers in full combat gear were sent to a tourist beach the other Wednesday to clear away the food stalls and other vending operations, allegedly as “part of a campaign to clean up the country’s image”. Really? Not sure that the average tourist visiting Thailand for the first time and seeing  a beach crawling with armed soldiers attacking beach vendors will be thinking to themselves “I’d sure like to come here again”.

This new selection of vibrators is now available in all moderately disreputable Pattaya stores…

A tourist was killed by a 30 storey fall from a Pattaya hotel last week. He was just walking past the hotel minding his own business when a bloke landed on him from 30 floors up. Remember, to be safe in Pattaya, always look left, right, up and down wherever you go, and just hope that there’s nobody behind you.

City Hall say new infrastructure projects are to be introduced to tackle the flooding problems in the area. Sounds like they’re going to have to stump up for another bucket.

And finally, police say they’ve busted up an illegal gambling racket in East Pattaya. That’s another pensioners’ bridge club buggered then.

be seeing you

monkeyman 

[awesum4 2,306]

my cousin was paralysied from the waist  down.  They fitted one if those tubes in his penis,  he had a little pump to make it hard.  He could not cum but his wife could enjoy riding him cowgirl style.