BigusDicus

Understand paranoid people better by following them around...

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies...FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, AFT, etc. Now, Congress is considering a proposal for another agency: the “Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service”....can’t you see it now? The new agents in their black uniforms with the initials in large white letters across their backs???

An Englishmen, a Welchman, and a Pakistani are at the maternity ward, and the Hospital says, “we apologize, but there appears to be a mixup with your children, we can’t say for certain which is which”… Since this joke lacks DNA testing, the 3 agree to sort it out for themselves. The Englishman goes in first, as is his right (alphabetical order), and he comes out a moment later with what is clearly the Pakistani baby. The Pakistani says as much… The Englishman says, “well maybe… but one of those other two is a welch baby, and I’m not taking any chances”…

Well put! Having owned three Jaguars when I was young (64 E Type, 76 XJ12L, 79 XJS) I had an intimate relationship with that MoFo, Lucas...

"Next time! ... Next time it'll work, I promise ... "

"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."

His impulses always were a little warped. And everybody noticed how he used to look at Chekhov.

A "feel good" story for a Friday.

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret, who is 75, looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert ... You shoulda bought a hat!”