BigusDicus

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Mr. Alan Pinkerton. He was actually the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of agencies...FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, AFT, etc. Now, Congress is considering a proposal for another agency: the “Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service”....can’t you see it now? The new agents in their black uniforms with the initials in large white letters across their backs???

An Englishmen, a Welchman, and a Pakistani are at the maternity ward, and the Hospital says, “we apologize, but there appears to be a mixup with your children, we can’t say for certain which is which”… Since this joke lacks DNA testing, the 3 agree to sort it out for themselves. The Englishman goes in first, as is his right (alphabetical order), and he comes out a moment later with what is clearly the Pakistani baby. The Pakistani says as much… The Englishman says, “well maybe… but one of those other two is a welch baby, and I’m not taking any chances”…

Well put! Having owned three Jaguars when I was young (64 E Type, 76 XJ12L, 79 XJS) I had an intimate relationship with that MoFo, Lucas...

"Next time! ... Next time it'll work, I promise ... "

"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."

His impulses always were a little warped. And everybody noticed how he used to look at Chekhov.

A "feel good" story for a Friday.

Bert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret, who is 75, looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert ... You shoulda bought a hat!”

So what were you supposed to do with the last five minutes?

https://www.express.co.uk/news/us/1721886/Tennessee-police-cop-scandal-fired-dxus?fbclid=IwAR2aaQNLxneXEiYdRmRLVKjIhki5CETTz8bFn9kwWgvYQFfxnAxmEzUJDEg Married police officer ‘had on-duty sex with male colleagues, including at station’ Officer Maegen Hall, 26, allegedly performed oral sex on a detective in the police gym - before the two returned to their desks to continue the workday. By ADAM CHAPMAN 12:52, Mon, Jan 16, 2023 | UPDATED: 20:41, Tue, Jan 17, 2023 A police officer has been fired after allegedly engaging in on-duty sex acts with male colleagues. Maegen Hall, 26, allegedly performed oral sex with two officers at the police station, sent dirty pictures and took her top off at a “Girls Gone Wild” hot tub party. Hall is alleged to have bragged about the size of one partner’s genitals and said to have described herself as in an “open marriage”. The scandal has led to her dismissal from the La Vergne police department in the US state of Tennessee. Sergeant Lewis Powell, Officer Juan Lugo, Sergeant Ty McGowan and Detective Seneca Shields were also fired. Shields told officials Hall performed oral sex on him while they were on duty inside the police gym - before returning to their desks to continue their workday. Two other officers who allegedly had trysts with Hall — Patrick Magliocco and Larry Holladay — kept their jobs but wound up suspended. The investigation was launched after Jason Cole, the mayor of La Vergne, filed a report. The Mayor called the police department's HR and, citing an unnamed source, unveiled details of what the officers were accused of. Mayor Cole initially received a tip that Hall was sleeping with several fellow cops. He told investigators that Hall had told him about Powell’s “big” penis, and claimed she had performed a sex act on him while the pair were on the clock, according to a December 28 internal report. Magliocco also said he had seen Hall and Holladay kiss while watching football at a party, and said Hall had kissed his own wife, the document says. he other sexual exploits allegedly took place at hotels and parties at other officers’ houses and on a boat, it said. One of the male officers involved in the investigation also reported serious concerns about the female officer's mental health. The officer alleged Hall had once pulled the trigger on an empty gun pointed at her temple “so she could hear what it sounded like” and said she was suffering from mental illness. The terminated officers are patrol officer Maegan Hall, patrol officer Juan Lugo-Perez, Sgt. Henry Ty McGowan, Sgt. Lewis Powell and detective Seneca Shields. The suspended officers are Patrol and K-9 Officer Larry Holladay, Patrol Officer Patrick Magliocco and Patrol Officer Gavin Schoeberl. In a statement, Mayor Cole said: "This situation is unacceptable and as soon as it was brought to our attention it was immediately investigated and action was taken upon the individuals involved. "Our top priority moving forward will include rebuilding the public’s trust. I have full confidence in the police department’s leadership team and their ability to lead the department. "We will be retraining all of our employees in the rules, regulations, and expectations set forth by city leadership."