BigusDicus

I heard climate change activists tried to deface a Jackson Pollock painting by throwing paint on it. Trouble is... nobody noticed it for three weeks.

No sense of humor... just no sense of humor at all.

A Maasai man walks into a bank in NAIROBI and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to DUBAI on business for four weeks and needs to borrow 5,000. The bank officer tells him that bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the maasai manhands over the keys to a brand new Mercedes Benz S class 500 parked on the street in front of the bank. Produces the log book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the maasai for using a KSH 15 Million Mercedes Benz as collateral against a 5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Mercedes Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Four weeks later, the maasai returns, repays the 5,000 and the interest, which comes to 150.41. The loan officer says 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business & this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out & found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow 5,000 The Masai man replies: 'Where else in NAIROBI can I park my car four weeks for only 150.41 and expect it to be there when I return.

It's really the only way ...

I believe he is saying he is using the web browser Chrome by Google. You know how to "right click" and save. So it could be something as simple as clearing your cache, deleting you browsing history and getting rid of junk files , etc. Fully booting your computer is always the first step....

time traveler: I love your volcano! pompeiian: Our what? time traveler: Your mountain, your normal mountain...

Graham Martin is in Hospital: Who the hell is GRAHAM? Well Graham is the geezer who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says. "Where the hell have you been?" Graham replies. "I was getting a tattoo!" "A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar note on my privates." He said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred dollars anytime you want." Graham is now in The Critical Care Unit, Room 233. No visitors until further notice...............

A new James Bond movie! Daniel Craig has just announced that Meghan Markle will be the new 007 in a remake of a classic Bond movie... "Golddigger".

Condom History In 1272 - the Welsh invented the condom using a sheep's lower intestine. In 1873 - the English somewhat refined the idea by taking by it out of the sheep first...

Brings back pleasant memories... thank you!

Vary nice!

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go." The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!! The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "...