BigusDicus

time traveler: I love your volcano! pompeiian: Our what? time traveler: Your mountain, your normal mountain...

Graham Martin is in Hospital: Who the hell is GRAHAM? Well Graham is the geezer who got home late one night and Helen his wife, says. "Where the hell have you been?" Graham replies. "I was getting a tattoo!" "A tattoo?" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar note on my privates." He said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar note tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I l

A new James Bond movie! Daniel Craig has just announced that Meghan Markle will be the new 007 in a remake of a classic Bond movie... "Golddigger".

Condom History In 1272 - the Welsh invented the condom using a sheep's lower intestine. In 1873 - the English somewhat refined the idea by taking by it out of the sheep first...

Brings back pleasant memories... thank you!

Vary nice!

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding...

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember