monkeyman

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for following us into the New Year, and welcome to more tales of Pattaya, the city that never sleeps – it just passes out. Stories abound that Walking Street is changing and the traditional go go bars are being replaced by luxury establishments for party groups. One report remarked that there are now seven or eight Indian clubs and none of them for Cheap Charlies. Well that would explain why they all close down after a couple of months. Concerns have been raised in some quarters about baht buses overcharging foreigners. This is true to an ext

Apologies to all you petrolheads out there. The Classis Car Show isn't until February. Doh.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for the last time this year, and welcome to our special Christmas edition – which means it’s the same as all the others. Or maybe even worse. Following the recent weather, it’s been decided that Thailand’s rainy season will in future run from May to April. Perhaps Pattaya should consider a similar extension to its low season. A motorbike thief was arrested by police near Pattaya after he fell off a roof. How the hell did he get the bike up there? An Australian bloke is in police custody in Pattaya after what was described as a bizarre ra

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for popping in, and welcome to another dive into the murky waters of Pattaya, metaphorically speaking. And literally speaking, come to think of it. Pattaya has been hit by flash floods yet again and it’s reported that traffic officers have been assigned to deal with the situation. Presumably when there’s gridlock on the roads the weathermen will be sent in. Police are investigating after a Pattaya mother reported that a gang of youths had assaulted her son with fireworks. It seems that the gang didn’t have a bottle to fire their rockets fro

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to yet another month, and welcome to another fertile crop of futile crap. Let’s dig in. A Thai family were injured after a pickup truck landed on top of their vehicle after falling from a bridge that was still under construction. A spokesman for the building company responsible said “With the benefit of hindsight, it might have been prudent to finish building the bridge before reopening the road.” Experts, you gotta love ‘em. Following the arrest of an Indian tourist for groping a woman on Beach Road, police have decided to charge him with the

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for taking a gander, and welcome to another sneaky peek at what’s transpired, inspired and expired in the last month. Chocks away. The Thai Navy are to create something they call an ‘underwater learning park’ by sinking some of their old ships. They should take some advice from the Koh Larn ferry as they’ve managed to sink more boats than just about anybody else. Experts have advised that the chances of another coup in Thailand are very slim, though if you had the gun barrel of a tank sticking through your front window you’d probably come to

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for your valued patronage, and welcome to another stream of unconsciousness. Let’s go with the flow. Within the space of a few days, two South Korean tourists were found drowned off the coast of Koh Larn. No doubt the Chinese will be accusing them of cultural appropriation, having had something of a monopoly on drowning around this location, though in their case it’s usually by the ferry load. If you’re having a bit of trouble getting the old plonker to perform these days, you may be interested to know that a Thai clinic can now offer to fit y

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to the summer hols, and welcome to more midsummer madness in the land that time didn’t forget. Game on. Onlookers watched in amazement when a Japanese chap rammed his car into the front of a Pattaya go go bar a couple of weeks ago. Now we know that some people like to park near to their destination to avoid walking, but this guy is just plain lazy. An allegedly distraught young Israeli who went missing has been found alive and well in a forest in East Pattaya. When asked by the rescue team why he was so upset, the young Jewish lad replied “I’v

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for dropping in, and welcome to another peek at the city of scaremongering without the scare. Let’s rock. Well the ever popular sport of balcony diving has gone into international overdrive in Pattaya with no less than four incidents occurring in the first week of the month. The first one to plummet was a Thai, followed by a Russian, an American and a German, who set a new record with a drop of 33 floors from a 5 star hotel. Well at least they seem to be getting a better class of jumper. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s now been a fifth and

Don't worry. I was pissed when I wrote it. Cheers.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another month, and welcome to a sneaky peak at the latest high jinks in the City of Smut. Brace yourselves. The Pattaya Waterworks Department has declared that there won’t be a water shortage in Pattaya this year. Those of us who’ve spent many an hour walking through Pattaya’s entertainment areas up to our waists in water probably won’t have too much difficulty believing this. An instructor at a municipal fire station shot one of his recruits the other week after what was described as a “heated argument.” Unfortunately, the other recruits as

Greeting Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for your continued patronage, and welcome to our April fools edition, where the truth may be stretched a little further than normal in one or two places. Or a lot further, as the case may be. Well, Songkran all went fairly smoothly apart from one little incident when a visiting Vietnamese businessman complained to the police that a crowd of revellers just across the road had got his dong all wet. Actually, if he keeps his money in his trousers he might have been making two complaints. The government are demanding that action be taken against

Here's Lou performing in Papagayo...

Well it's certainly possible but I won't be putting my shirt on it. I think this is at least the third opening date we've been given.

And for those who don't remember... How many Pattaya locations can you identify?