N3RGT

Subject: Madonna Update When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English. She is now an unmarried, single mother with three kids from different fathers, one of them black. Job done!

TWENTY DOLLARS On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed. Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they Were financially ruined. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, These holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments. Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 Million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!" That's when she shot him. You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------[/size]

Oh Dear me...I did'nt think about the translation and that I may have offended some sections of the community.. ..... anyway, I can only read from left to right

1. Teaching Maths In 1970 A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price. What is his profit? 2. Teaching Maths In 1980 A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Maths In 1990 A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800. Did he make a profit? 4. Teaching Maths In 2000 A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200. Your assignment: Underline the number 200. 5. Teaching Maths In 2008 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing or the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available) 6. Teaching Maths 2018 أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من> الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Win John Lewis vouchers with BigSnapSearch.com Search now

Fosse Park/Meridian

Subject: Beware - A Serious Warning ! Dear All, This is serious. Please BEWARE ! Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Sainsbury's for a bit of shopping has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen. Their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It's impossible not to look especially with all the rain we have been having. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another store, in my case, Tesco in Leicester. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet! I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this coming weekend. So Be Warned! P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for £2.99 each

Hi Kobe, not sure whether you're aware of this section on the board, but this would be a good place to start, http://www.pattayapages.com/reviewpost/showcat.php?cat=4 Good Luck N3RGT

...and Wan (ex FLB/SECRETS on her right) I know, it's an old girls reunion !!

Nariad, I just hope it's still not like this

QUOTE(friendlyric6411 @ Nov 6 2008, 04:40 PM) When was the last time you see a Brit fuck up a Brazilian,,, Think it was John Charles Menes in London wasn't it Your self admitted dyslexia apart "friendly", I think you mean Jean Charles de Menezes

Your self admitted dyslexia apart "friendly", I think you mean Jean Charles de Menezes

How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. Put on yesterdays clothes. I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!! _________________________________________________________________[/[/b]size]

How about "COCKY"

Subject: How a marriage works. A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies . So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.' 'Where are you going, coochy cooh?' asked the wife. 'I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.' The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India ,etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses...' He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?' You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. 'But my sweet honey... At the bar... You know...there's swearing, dirty words and all that...' 'You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't f***ing going anywhere! Got it now, Arsehole?' ........and, they lived happily ever after. Now, isn't that a sweet story?

GORDON BROWN _ OUR PM & OUR LEADER IN THE UNITED KINGDOM GORDON BROWN was visiting the primary school in Otterbourne Hampshire and he was invited into one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr. BROWN if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'. A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a 'tragedy.' No, said GORDON - that would be an accident.' A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy' I'm afraid not, explained GORDON - that's what we would call great loss'. The room went silent. No other children volunteered. GORDON searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand... In a quiet voice he said: 'If a plane carrying you and MR. DARLING (our Chancellor) was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.' 'Fantastic!' exclaimed GORDON. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?' 'Well,' says little Johnny 'it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f**king accident either!'--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just got an E Mail from EBookers with this offer of cheap airfares at £499 with Eva air for flights from 10th Jan thru to 31st March 2009.Looks like a good deal.Bookings must be made by 23rd October There are also good offers for other parts of LOS. http://www.ebookers.com/deals/dest?pageKey...2008.farealert1

"Yo Ho Ho...Avast Ye and stand by for boarders"...That's Close Rob...you nearly got my bm name right N3RGT Not RQT...you "land lubber "" ..still you're in good company as MM also screwed it up ! Nice one guys "TOUCHEZ" "Here are some photos from the party thrown by pattaya_mad, n3qrt, and Sailfast. mad wizard was the fourth judge. Thanks to the guys for getting the girls in the party mood!" Like I said "Can't believe some of these signs are real !

Test for Dementia Below are four ( 4 ) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately . OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.... Ready? GO!!! First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second! Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ? Second Question: I f you overtake the last person, then you are...? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this, are you? Third Question: Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 . Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10 . What is the total? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you get 5000 ? The correct answer is actually 4100. If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right.... ...Maybe Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't. Her name is Mary. Read the question again! Okay, now the bonus round: A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple.... Like you! PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

Can't believe some of these signs are real You named it what ? #1 You named it what ? #2 You named it what ? #3 You named it what ? #4 You named it what ? #5 You named it what ? #6 You named it what ? #7 You named it what ? #8 and now you named it what ? #9 It just wouldn't be the same if the whole world spoke just one language, now would it? Hope you enjoyed these ! N3RGT

Hi Guys/Gals, For some reason I'm not able to access the FLB webcam any more. This appears to be co-incidental since my ISP replaced a faulty Sagem modem I had with a Siemens Gigaset Router. After trying the refresh option the message just below the Justin TV screen momentarily flashes "Justin TV" then reverts back to "Not Broadcasting".Operating system is Windows XP/IE7. Any of you techies out there any ideas on this please ?

Yes, I agree they were absolutely brilliant, but read the text in the article. MORONS AT HEATHROW A story about two guys with very little to do on a rainy afternoon... just listen to the recordings below. Announcers were tricked into saying them under the pretence that they were foreign names.

I know this prank is now quite old,and many boardies will have heard this, but whenever I listen to the P.A announcements that these guys had read out, I just can't help thinking how bloody funny it is. Click this link below and have a laugh. http://www.jeffssite.net/heathrow/Heathrow%20Airport.html

Dead Boring !!!

Golf Club Sign Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale , Arizona: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 9. QUIET PLEASE... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING. 10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES. [b]WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF.

Subject: Joe's Bike Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.' 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, ............. ............'All right, that's enough, I'll do the f*cking dishes!'