N3RGT

I totally agree. I always go to the travel office place next door if I wish to use the Internet. They are very reasonable with their charges. Never had a problem getting back by baht bus late pm, early am, either.

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Buddy would say, 'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Edna always replied, 'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, 'Edna, I'm 85 years old... If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance...' To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.'' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.' Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Buddy replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $300.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows fucking everything. ***** Alf went to the tattooist and had "I LOVE YOU" tattoed on his dick. When he got home he showed his wife. "There you go again", she said, "trying to put fucking words in my mouth". ***** A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let’s go upstairs..." The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes. The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?" ***** This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called "out-of-the-blue" to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t believe it when she asked if I’d be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I’m a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don’t really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge". "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don’t mind a receding hairline, total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying tubby, grey haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I’ve put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to fuck off. ***** ...........and finally but off topic..40 Things That Happen Only in Movies 1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting. 2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired. 4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated. 5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside. 6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. 7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode. 8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other. 9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving. 10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. 11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty). 12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene). 13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear. 14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard… 15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out). 16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit). 17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor. 18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback. 19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one. 20. All single women have a cat. 21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet. 22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged. 23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year. 24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected. 25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living. 27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium. 28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly. 29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law). 30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish. 31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair. 32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks. 33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her. 34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. 37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers. 38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets. 39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties). 40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

Hey Farsider, I thought that you will have had a reply before now so..... I don't pretend to know anything much about scuba diving, however a good place to start with your enquiries may well be the Residence Garden Hotel in Pattaya, and then go from there. The excerpt below is taken from their website. Residents there will have often seen scuba training taking place, in the back pool. I would imagine they will have some excellent contacts there for you. Quote Sport Activities If you're tempted by Scuba diving, tours or famous golf courses - you will find it all at The Residence Garden. Our in-house diving instructor can take you from beginner's Open Water PADI course, to experienced wreck diver. We have dive trips every day to coral islands and ship wrecks. If you never dived before, try our Discover Scuba Diving (DSD), an accredited course for first time divers, which can only be taught by a qualified PADI professional, allowed hundreds of beginners to experience scuba diving. Website is here http://www.theresidencegarden.com/ P.S If you like what you see, and decide to stay there, make sure you do it through this link http://www.pattayapages.com/residence/ to get the FLB discounted rate !

Rather than surprise her on the occasion, my friend decided to ask his wife what she would like, for what was to be a very special birthday. Her reply was "Darling I'd like something metallic, low to the ground, and nice and shiny, that goes from nought to one hundred and fifty in three seconds" So he bought her a pair of bathroom scales !

Hi Dr Mick, yes the apartments do look nice. I notice you mentioned them in an earlier post. Perhaps one of the "locals" on here can enlighten us all. Maybe the location is on Pattaya Photo Guide ? Their website could do with a "We are here link". Address on the site is this "South Pattaya Road - Soi Day & Night 2 - 20/57 Moo10 - Nongprue - Pattaya-City - 20150 Chonburi – Thailand" Awaiting enlightenment !

I'll be very surprised if he is not onto your case very quickly, and on this board. Hang on in there sexy !

Heard this one before Norm but it still makes me chuckle; Especially the spelling/pronunciation bits . Thanks

This letter is taken from the readers column of a U.K National Daily and I make no apology for re-posting; Second Childhood. Sir, I remember fatherhood well, the sleepless nights, constant demands, attention seeking, whinging and temper tantrums. The baby was hard work, too ! Is there any wonder there are so many single mothers ? A lady in W.Sussex

Pattaya Talk Yellow blends better with the Banner and the R.G/FLB ads IMHO. Very nice thank you

Looks like a nice boy in the middle !

Thanks..this is the one that makes me laugh. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs propped up against a tree? ILENE What do you call her in Japan? IRENE Simple ..stupid but FUNNY !!!

Go here from Pattaya Petes' FAQ'S http://www.pattayatalk.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=10535 There are minor differences due to the board structure being changed recentley but the same principle remains.

Also available at Bruno's in Jomtien. Not been there, but it looks like a quality place to eat. Pricey, but if you don't mind paying for that bit extra class, maybe it's just the place to take that special girl on a special occasion. http://www.brunos-pattaya.com/

Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat Q.Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A. A different bar Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby? A. Sum Ting Wong Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at half-mast? A. They're hiring Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? A. Because they're not going to work in the future either. Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm? A. A pimp. Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!" Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale??? A northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t." Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A.Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States . Q. Whats better than winning 1st place at the special Olympics? A. Not being fvckin retarded. Q. What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? A. Christopher Walkin Q. What do ya tell a woman with 2 black eyes? A. Nothing you already told her twice. Q. What do ya get when You cross a Chinese man and a Puerto Rican? A. A car thief who can't drive. Q. What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A. Hooker can wash her crack & sell it again. Q. What was Helen Keller's Favorite color? A. Corduroy Q. How do you confuse a blonde? A. Put her in a circle room and tell her to pee in a corner. Random Jokes: When you see an Asian girl you think "she's Hot" When you see an Asian guy you think "tech support" ---- Two guys were out hunting in the woods that overlooked their town. One guy-looking through his scope, says, "Hey, I can see YOUR house from here. Wait a minute, I can see right in the window and THAT'S YOUR WIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN!!" His buddy says, "That bitch! Do me a favor buddy-Shoot her in the head and while you're at it shoot him right in his dick." His friend says, "Ya know what, I think I can get 'em both with one shot." ---- There is a guy standing on a bridge that is about 5 feet from a pond. He pulls his dick out and starts to take a piss. A second guy walks up to him, pulls out his weiner and also starts to take a piss. The first guy says, " Wow! That water sure is cold!!" The second guy says, " Yeah and deep too." ---- Have you guys heard about the new Italian mud tires? Dego through mud, dego through snow, dego through ice and when dego flat dego "w0p w0p w0p" ---- A boy and his dad talking Son: Dad what's the difference between theory and reality? Dad: Well son, go ask your sister and mother if they would sleep with a man for a million dollars. Son returns; Dad they both said they would sleep with a man for a million dollars but I still don't know the difference between theory and reality. Dad Well son in theory we are worth TWO MILLION DOLLARS But the reality is we live with a couple of whores. ---- What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs propped up against a tree? Ilene What do you call her in Japan? Irene --- With all the new technology regarding fertility,recently a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby. When she was Discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. May we see the new baby?" one asked."Not yet," said the mother "I'll make coffee and we can Visit for a while first." Thirty minutes had passed,and another Relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked Again, "May we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we se e The baby?" "When he cries!" she told them. "When cries?" they asked. "Why do we have to wait until He cries?' "Because I forgot where I put him.... OK?"

Todder.Have alook at this website it may well help you http://seatexpert.com/

I have had problems doing this in the past. Presume the method is to go to "My Controls" and then "Personal Profile", and "Edit Signature". In the meantime you will have selected your personal countdown clock and copied the code. However when I try to paste in that code all I ever get is an error returned. I have seen that these type of clocks are very common on other boards but never seen one on these pages. Perhaps this facility is inhibited by the techies

Thanks for that information Marley

What rows are these upstairs please ? Not that bothered as I'm just a short arse and don't need the extra legroom, but just curious Also wouldn't want to leave it that late, but thanks very much for the info Marley. Looks like definite drinks at FLB come January

Yeah.... Just booked my next trip with West-East yesterday, with EVA £589, for Jan/Feb 2010, and accommodation booked too with R.G, who replied to my request within twelve hours. Can't fault that Only a few months (hhmmmmpppp) to wait now IMHO I can't really see EVA dropping their fares anytime soon; add to that they(EVA) will also attract many punters who would otherwise have the generally cheaper option of flying with Thai, but who are deterred by the non-existent IFE, and they have somewhat of a "captive" market for those opting for direct flights !

Hi Marley, best EVA fare LHR-BKK I can see at the mo is with WestEast travel at £589, no dates changes allowed. The trouble is if you wait too long it jeopardises the chance of a room at the hotel of your choice, especially if you're booking during high season. Personally I can't be arsed with booking a non direct flight, I can only get to LOS once a year, and the departure /arrival times of EVA suit me just fine

Farang 1, I can assure you, along I strongly suspect, with others on this forum that there is no problem with the size of the double beds at Residence Garden. Perhaps they are not quoted as being kingsize but I have certainly had no problems with their size or their comfort. The only time a joiner fee MAY be charged is when you take a second girl to the room with you. In the past I have done this when genuinely having a second girl with us who was a friend of the lady I was with, and not for a threesome; the staff recognised this and there was no problem atall. The Residence Garden is altogether a very civilised place to stay .

Some good ones there bigusdicus.It's so difficult getting responses in the funnies section and you deserve one for that selection !

Thanks Zilly, I am also an Evergreen frequent flyer and saw that offer. Unfortunately I am restricted to visiting LOS Jan/Feb in the high season. I did a "dummy run" too on their website for a flight going out beginning of September for four weeks and the price came up as £580 ! I think you will be fortunate to get a flight at the "from" prices they quote but good luck anyway. From the posts replying to my original it would appear that the only way that you are going to get decent IFE on Thai is when they change the operating aircraft or perhaps when we all buy IPODS

Hi Mate, yeah I booked last May with EVA for my last trip and got the £530 fare. Best I can see at the mo at £599 is here with West east travel. http://wetravel.agentengine.co.uk/public/P...gerDetails.aspx Sorry I did not get to meet up with you last Jan/Feb but my trip got fucked up , one way or the other, but now looking forward to making a fresh start next time around. All part of the fun getting flights and hotels sorted but still a long time to go