nohlsson1

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? -Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge? - No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland. Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? - No, I am always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? -She going to kill me. What makes you think that? -I got proof. What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover".

Ricky, at least you have many lovely ladies that could have helped nurse you back to health. Hope your feeling better now.

So are there 2 girls named A about in Pattaya. That would be nice. Less of a chance of slipping up then.

If you guys planted trees like this around your house, you might be able to get off to Thailand a little more frequently with no questions asked.

Great jokes. I just read these to my office workers and we were all laughing so hard that we almost fell out of our chairs.

We all enjoyed very much!

I have always been told the best technique is the one that allows you to come out alive and on top. I believe my grandfather told me that when I was only 7 or 8. It was followed by do what ever it takes to win. There is no such thing as a fair fight. I don't believe in fighting if it can be avoided. But I have never lost a fight when pushed to the limit, even when I was out numbered. I am no fool though, any day of the week I know someone could take me down.

All of those asian women and I was not invited. Damn it, I lost out again!

It is a shame that he never made it to Cyclone. I love the VIP treatment I get when I show up. I have to admit that is the funniest things I have read about UAE. I was stationed there for 2 weeks last July. I just read it to 2 of my co workers and they can not stop laughing. Great stuff.

I stayed at the Vic for the first part of my recent trip. I can't say enough good things about Fig and his hotel. We asked Fig to have his new mini van pick us up at the airport. The van was very luxurious. Once we arrived at the hotel we sat down to have a drink while the lovely waitresses prepared our paperwork for the rooms. They never missed a beat the entire time we were there. The food was excellelant and a great value. Vic took time out each day he saw us to check and see if there was any thing we needed. He also provided many tips to for getting out and about. I can't recommend the balcony rooms enough. We had a blast filling balloons with candy and baht then throwing them off the balcony to watch the girls go crazy down below. To sum it up it was a great hotel at a great price. I am definitely looking forward to staying there on my next trip.

I have been on and off several times recently. It has worked each time. See you soon and keep up that wonderful cam!

Not more rumors.....He isn't pregnant again, is he?

Looked like a fun night at the Cherry Bar. That last pic of Pim looks a little rough. I guess it was a party till you drop night. Thanks for the pics Hammer.

Thanks to both of you. Do you think they would accept American Express? I am not even over there and I see myself going broke. Oh well, It could be worse I guess......I could be broke and not able to go over there.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. He's an elderly man and figures he's not getting any younger. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?” Margaret looks him over, "Nope" she says. Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'" 'Nope', she replies. Bert Yells 'CAUSE IT'S LOOKIN' AT MY NEW BOOTS" To which Margaret replies... "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert, Shoulda bought a hat."

Those were some mighty nice looking girls there. I believe this may warrant a stop on my trip as well.

Great pics Hammer, looks like everyone really enjoyed their night. One question though, who is this. She has that crazy look that would drive me insane and possibly very broke.

Now your just taunting those of us who are not there yet.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says, "Hello." He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No. I'm your son's teacher." Thanks to joekicker for the photo of little Johnny.

Many of my friends have told me that all they ever get from me is dirty jokes and pictures. To change their minds, I wanted to post this picture I took of a duck a few years ago. I have been told it is pretty good as duck pictures go....... So I'm posting it to you hoping that most of you are sportsmen and will appreciate it.

Thanks for posting the pics. There are some lovely ladies there.

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!' Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when it’s your mom is it?!'

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a American are all working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie. The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada .' POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming. Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries. The American says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.' The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.' The American sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, 'Fill it with water.'

I found this link Sign generator yesterday while working um....... OK surfing the web. Thought I would share it with everyone so others could have fun. I have these posted all over my office now. Work is hard sometimes. Here is a sample of a sign.