Ergodyne

I can only see Dolphins !

This is becomimg a regular "pick up" point for me, i have been successful every time and not disappointed with the "take away" Two points, the foot rails are great, i commented on the lack of them before and i'm glad they are there now, it makes it so much more comfortable. the second point has, i think, already been mentioned. the lamps on the edges to the balconies are a bit "in your face" bright, some slats or tinting on the sides would be better, leaving the table well lit but not out to the seats. Great place and all the very best for the future. Graham

A man went to see his doctor. "You need to stop masturbating," the doctor said. The man asked, "Why?" The doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

It's already been mentioned but i have to agree, it's hard to beat the Sailor Bar, Soi 8, Beach road end. 50 Baht great value ! And their drink prices ! Sang-som +soda 20 Baht !

What a great place ! After my previous success with the two girls the other night, i thought i'd have another shot last night, after turning down the advances of a couple of girls sat at a table, i wandered around a bit seeing what was on offer, as i passed one who appeared to be with someone, she asked me to sit at the bar with her, we chatted, i got her a drink and we moved out to one of the balconies, after a couple more drinks, we headed off, WOW was she HOT ! ! ! even had a piercing "down there" which was a bit of a shock as i found it with my tongue, i don't normally expect to find chunks of metal down there. P.S. best tasting pussy ever ! Aloy ALoy ! I've just realised this is turning a bit of a T. R. i'll stop now.

Popped in last night, had two ladies before i even sat down ! a couple of drinks on the balcony, then off we went P.S. found another great view from there, from the bar i could see the ladies cloakroom, one girl was carefully examining her make - up in the mirror and bent forward to do so ! she was wearing a VERY short skirt and flashed her rather nice toot ! ! ! ! she realised, turned round and winked at me ! ! YUP another great view.

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put a step ladder under it. Before long, an ape will go to the steps and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the steps, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the steps, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Next, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the steps. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the steps, he will be assaulted. Remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the steps and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the steps and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the steps, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the steps. Why not? "Because that's the way it's always been around here." That's how Army policy begins...

Adds a whole new meaning to "turned on! "

Popped in last night with a few friends, and had a quick chat with the man himself, congratulations were the order of the day. I must say the pics do not do it justice, breathtaking comes to mind, it's enormous ! ! and the view W O W ! an un interrupted view of the whole of Pattay bay and as you said, there's virtually no chance of anyone building something in the way. The ceiling "runway" lights along the corridor that leads to the bar are great and really draw you in. Initially it seemed a bit empty, but considering the size, there were probably enough people to fill several normal sized bars. I was heading out to jam with a few bands that night and had suggested to my friends that we start off by having a look at the place, they were very impressed and we will be making this a regular watering hole. Excellent work Pete

Damn ! ! ! ! i missed Friday, bet it was a blast too ! Coming up there tomorow, but i've just checked and you're not playing that night, never mind, i'll check out the Thai band and maybe get a blow with them. Looking forward to meeting you.

I'll see you about 11:30 wednesday. Heading up to "Leo's" tomorrow night with a couple of friends.

Hi Graham here "Bass player", Dave and all the musos from the "Blues Factory" know me well, i may pop along to the jam. I went to "Leos" on a monday during sonkran and there was no - one playing, so iv'e got that on my list for tomorrow night. Probably see you wednesday. Graham

"I can't imagine what they really eat in India" A friend of mine who had a few Indian restaurants taught me about Indian food, the menu should only be a guide, dishes can be mixed and any dish should be available at any strength, Korma, madras, vindaloo. if they say that can't be done then they have pre - prepared dishes and are not actually cooking it. My favourite was chicken bhuna madras, not normally on a menu as it's a combination of variations. The reason the same dish can vary so much between restaurants depends on where the chef comes from. One other thing he told me was that the "Phal" (hottest possible) was actually a piss take on the foriegners asking for HOT curries so they invented an extreme version almost as a joke.

For when you fancy a "bit of rough" Edited by MM : remove .DOC file and insert .JPG directly. FYI, .doc (Word files) are a great way to transmit viruses, so they are not appreciated here.

Treked up there the other night (avoiding the flying water) in the hope of having a jam, silly me i should have known monday night is the night most bands have off, Oh well i consoled myself by being entertained by some of the girls along Naklua road, so it was'nt a wasted trip. Hopefully i can get to jam another time. Graham Question . . . . . . Why do they rate amplifiers in Watts ? What ? . . . . . . What ? ". . . . . . . i can't hear you. . . . . . What ?

Looks like even Santa Claus turned up for Songkran this year and i can see has a little present for all the girls in his pocket ! ! ! !

A friend was telling me, he had a workshop with a Thai workforce and felt sorry for them squatting on the floor to do the work, so he had benches built, the next day he came in to see them working squatting up on top of the new benches ! Oh well you can lead a horse e.t.c.

You know you live in 2008 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years. 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they dont have MSN or Myspace. 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV. 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) You were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You looked back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Now you are thinking, "I have to tell my friends about this!" 13.) Tell your friends about this if you fell for that, and you know you did. .................................................................................................... .... A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem ... In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself. That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starting pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starting pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?". The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol My wife shit on my face, Bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air. .................................................................................................... ......... How about this, very appropriate for here i think ! : - A soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others." .................................................................................................... .............. I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked good for a 65-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. 'What's that?' I asked 'It a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. I said, 'No' - excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. We went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: ”MOM . . . . . you still awake?” .................................................................................................... ........... The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four - wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 % of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only in the state of Alabama was it different, where 89.3 % of the final words were: - " Hold my beer and watch this ! " .................................................................................................... .......... RETIREMENT FUN People frequently ask us retired people what we do to make our days more interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went to town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So my wife called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus ! We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age. .................................................................................................... .. That's all for now folks.

Most amps only go to 10, when you're at 10 where else can you go? when we need a bit more ours go to 11 ! ! ! ! !

Hi, how are things with you? you've been here about the same length of time as me.

O.K O.K. O.K. I confess i have been a Camel Toe licker for ages ! ! ! There . . . . . now it's out in the open . . . . . . . . . please don't condemn me, or even try to help, i am way beyond help, and will just have to suffer my fate of continued camel toe licking for the rest of my days, it is an incurable condition i am completely addicted. Should we start a suffers group How about : - Camel toe Lickers In Thailand = C. L. I. T.

Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says "I can play all my favorite songs on this." The second takes out a deck of cards. "I can play poker with myself with these." The third gets out a box of tampons. "Well, it says on here that with these I can go swimming, horseback riding, cycling, ..............." .................................................... Taken from an actual job application at a well known D.I.Y. store. NAME: Kenneth Way(Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously , whatever's avaliable. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place – would I? DESIRED SALARY: Â £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks -yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE: ....7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. ......................................................................................... A little girl goes into a pet shop and asks "excuthe me do you have any Widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says "do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft Fwuffy Bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?" The little girl blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers, " I don't wealy fink my Anaconda gives a phuc." ................................................................................................. Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform. Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do all the dishes and cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away. James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table. The third man said the he had married a Jarrow girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper. .................................................................................................... ..... Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal were overwhelming. But every now and then he'd hear an internal reassuring voice in his Head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last.... And you're single. Just let it go." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality. Whispering “Dave” . . . . . . . . . “Dave” . . . . . . . . . . “Dave” . . . . . . . . . . . you're a vet ! ! ! ! ! .................................................................................................... ...... Hi My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........ I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program ......... Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with him for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains and explodes with mentos. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan . Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet other than mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late! ............................................................................................... A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out. The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!" ................................................................................................. RECTUM STRETCHER While racing down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? . . . . . . . . . rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket $95.00 Court Costs $45.00 Look on the Cop's Face............... PRICELESS .......................................................................................... Boy asks his gran "have you seen my pills, they were labeled LSD?" "f**k the pills ! ! ! she says . . . have you seen the dragons in the kitchen ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ? .......................................................................................... A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, 'Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!' The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it aside and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, 'Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!' The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them away and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up some smack. 'Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!' The lion looks at him, slowly puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. 'Lion,' they reprimand, 'why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!' The lion answers, “That little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!” ..........................................................................................

Nope ! i don't get the joke ! !