Dungheap

Agree with Yankinkorea. The Welcome Plaza is run down. Perhaps it was good hotel 15 year ago but not now. Suspect Royal Palace and Twins are similar. Try Areca Lodge, Sandy Springs or Dynasty Inn.

Real mixed bag in those reports Eric. Reading between the lines it seems like those in first or biz class are treated like gods, the rest little more than cargo. That's India! Time for plan C.... Fuckin' grief!

I may have to fly the Tokyo-BKK leg with these champions or pay double. How bad are they? And more importantly, can you get a cold beer??

A few brewskis on the balcony looking at the islands, the moon on the sea, or spectacular sunsets sure the hell beats looking across at dusty tin-roofed shacks, garbage filled paddocks or buffaloes bonking! I'd always take the view but would be reluctant to go higher than the second floor in case I suddenly had the urge to take the Pattaya Plunge with my hands tied behind my back.

Gonzo, I think you were had. I've never heard of a joiner fee at the Welcome Plaza, and considering the dillapidated state of the hotel, 300 for a friend is a joke. The guard used to salute me and my new love each night and just smiled. Makavelli, I stayed their last September and I supose you gets what ya pays. The location is ideal just down from Soi Pattayaland 1 and the rooms and pool are huge but the biggest gripe I had with the place was it was run down and dark. The overall feel of the joint was depressing. The Areca Lodge on Soi Diana ain't far from there and is way better value for money. Check out some of the reviews in the hotel section. If you do stay at the WP there are several laundry shops to the right as you look out from the main entrance which are dirt cheap and quick. A few of the late-night food stalls also hit the spot.

Yorkshire, many of the bars have their own teams and play in a league. Ask your favorite bar. If you're half decent I'm sure you'll find a spot. Tim's Beer Bar on Second Road is apparently home to the serious player and reportedly has good tables at the back. PS. Yorkshire, you may want to join the members section of this site.

Reference for Chairman Doghaus, To all prospective clients, If you are looking to get in three practice holes in your hotel before heading out to the course, Doghaus will patiently understand. If you enjoy the odd BJ in the rough to help ease the pain of another triple bogey, let Doghaus pick your caddy, ... or him. If you enjoy throwing your drunken tour leader in the back of a baht bus and summoning security to escort the legless lollipop to his room, call Callum. If you enjoy playing courses in 50 degree heat with no hope of a beer due to rest stand 'repairs', Doghaus knows the course. If you enjoy traveling in luxurious, fully airconditioned buses where the driver believes Sri Racha is that little island near India, Callum will book him. If you ever need to borrow 'sun screen' to attract every fly, bug or ant within 50 kilometers, Doctor Doghaus has the stuff for you. If you enjoy losing 'bark off your tree' while attending meeting after meeting at the local 'chambers of commerce', i.e. Soapies, Callum will soothe your worries. And lastly, if you enjoy following the weekly travels of The International Man of Leisure while you slave away flipping frankfurts, Callum's your Hero! Wanker! Callum's a great organizer and a true gentleman and the only bad word you'll ever hear about the bloke is about the frequency of him dropping his daks on the golf course and blowing greens, ... oops, bowling greens.

Also agree that the Marriott is guest friendly. Just walk in like you own the joint and you won't have any problems. If they give you grief tell them you've brought back birds for how many years and you'll have a chat with the general manager in the morning. As a precaution just book the room for two people, though it really ain't necessary. With the exception of a few top end joints, 4-5* hotels ain't in the habit of pissing off their guests.

Ain't it funny (not!) how some just-graduated newbies who only six months ago were sucking everyone's brains for advice on the Sandy Springs are happy now to dish out disinformation to other newbies in a childish attempt to keep the place to themselves. Come on guys, grow up. Peachlover, the Sandy Spings is held in very high esteem here. Do a search for more precise info and book early.

Not on the golf course mate, I stink! Or so the flies and ants say!

Phoenix is only 15 minutes away. It's a good course without being too brutal on the hangover hacker! The caddies are a laugh and if they take a liking to you, well, you just might find yourself enjoying your time in the trees. I imagine they'd let you play only nine but best to confirm.

Conley, you have various options here: Taxi direct from PTY to HH -- should cost between 1500-2500 baht and take 5-6 hours. Taxi to BKK and then train to HH -- 700-1000 for taxi and about 3-400 baht for train. Bus to BKK and then air con mini van that leaves from the Victory monument. The vans to Hua Hin run all day at least until 6pm, leaving when they're full. The fare is 140 baht and you're in Hua Hin in 2.5 hours. If time is not a concern I would recommend the taxi-train option. The trip offers great views and there's plenty of vendors selling food and drinks. (Be warned the official train food is crap!) Train trip takes 3-4 hours. Get a second class, air con ticket (try to book this in advance from Pattas if possible as they can sell out.)

A great pictorial! seems like 8 years ago now... :crying :crying :crying

Hilly, wish I could join you at Phoenix to provide some moral support for your regular caddy but I'm flat out tuning my short game for the Mercedes Championship in Hawaii. Tell daddy AM swings alright, well at least smoother than some air-swinging Aussie dingo. :crying Compliments of the season to you both... Oh, I forgot one pic.

Better late than never hey Hub? It was a great day. There's still one story that's yet to be told, so excuse me for 6 hours while I bore you all to death. The Mongrel Doggie had been patrolling the sois up until a night before looking to pad the Blue team: Wearing muscle shirts titled: "Will poke if you can putt!" He passed on a few ladyboys before settling on Hans from Austria, off 16 going on 6 and staying at our Bella Villa. Doing my patriotic job as an Americano, Hans was forced to ride in the back of the pick-up as we headed to the RG and after slamming his fingers with the door (I kid you not!), my Yankee buddie and I were somewhat surprised to hear him shouting "das is goot" when we arrived at Muirfield. (Could this have been Mirkwood's neighbor??) Well Hans' partner did not bring his A Game, nor his Z Game, from what I heard but Hans hit every green and the front nine came down to the par-3 eighth, where Hans had carried his team to a 1-up lead. Now, on the previous hole, where both went OB or into the drink off the tee and effectively wiped the hole, they chose Hans' ball as the tee shot. A very poor decision, as history will show. So on the eighth tee, Hans' was reminded that each player had to use 3 tee shots on the front nine and Hans' partner had only used one... Hans then stood up and placed his tee shot within 15 feet of the hole, a tremendous effort. His partner, unfortunately, hit his ball a staggering 15 foot from the tee, and the team was forced to accept that ball, lose that hole and the next one. Agh, thanks for the memories lads.

It's a stinking dump favored by Arabs. You're better off staying in a room above your favorite bar for 5-800 a night.

Martini, you may have more luck posting this in the members section. Email Pete to join. There will be a large contingent of hackers in town for the RideHer Cup around those dates. Most enjoy the odd ale... Best bet is to drop by the FLB and ask Ben or Moulie to introduce you to Doggie, a fellow Scot with an English accent.

THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE.... Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course. :crying

So Doggie, does that mean you want me to go to Heaven, TQ1 and Mistys alone on my last afternoon, or can I bring a few friends to try and roll the rock? PS. Do they sell sun screen?

Doggie two rules questions: After both players hit and they choose Player A's ball, for example, does that mean Player A has to hit the next shot first or is it 'up to you'? And does Player B just drop his ball or can he place it?

Stayed at the Mandarin last year as I wanted to be near the train station for a trip to Hua Hin. As Max and Cybers said, it's well run down. If you just need a cheap bed for the night it could be suitable but there has to be better places around. Forgot what I paid, $20 or something, with breakfast.

Don't worry Alan, Chairman Doghaus will give you a few tips. This should have been a fine for only dropping them to his knees -- 200 baht worth of ping pong balls please sir. Here he is at it again. (Close face, bend knees, bend middle leg, grip middle leg, rip it! FOUR! ) If you're still not sure how to do this, Hilly can provide some helpful rear view swing analysis tips. And Daz has got the knock-down 7-iron down pat. Sorry for the blurred pics, but I'm sure you can undersatnd the subjects didn't fancy themselves in these positions and I had to move fast. Looking forward to a great day. I'll try to bring my 'Y Game'.

Thank you gentlemen. Looks like I'm buying.

Cybers, my Japanese mobile phone is useless in Thailand, unless I want to pay international rates to make calls. Any rental options at the airport or in Pattas? Or am I better off buying a cheapie? What do they cost? Thanks

Agh the Hagiss Hound boasting again, hey? Guys, beware if Chairman Doggie ever offers to share his sunscreen lotion. Unfuckinbelievable. Bugs, flys, ants, wasps, you name it they swarmed to me!!! Trying to line up three balls with the Mr. Magoo putter also proved impossible for this Drunken Dungheap. They even tied me to the tree near the FLB to keep the flies off the roast beef! The bark off the tree had to do with a different golf game. Three holes with Wan from Mistys after carrying Doggie's dead ass back to his hotel at 6 a.m., two holes back-to-back at different soapies and then that prick Pieman offering the porn star at Kittens Naklua 500 baht if she could make me blow one more time. Anyone got three spare coins?