Good Thai Girl and Nice Farang Guy = Broken Heart

[AMRivlin 0]

Long Long Story of Deception and Lies. Comments and thoughts welcome. Thanks Everyone.

 

I have been trying to write this for two weeks now, and I finally think I have the proper ending. This is the tale of a one sided Long Distance Relationship with a Thai girl living in America and Thailand. I will admit, my story is very similar to most here on on this site, except perhaps my ignorance and inexperience. I am 23, and decided in 2003 to embark on a rollercoaster of love with a 23 year old Thai girl (One of those good-girls, oh right), through the internet no less. Luckily the rollercoaster has returned me safely. I am not seeking pity, exactly opposite, I expect numerous “I told you so’s†and welcome hate mail and advice alike.

 

I am generally a laid back, fun, American guy, and get along with 98% of people I meet. But I always have trouble with relationships beyond friendship, maybe I am shy or maybe I just have no balls, this being said, I set myself up for this relationship. One evening in 2003 I was feeling lonely and was bored out of my mind, so I found myself on a matching site looking at pictures of cute girls. Within an hour I was chatting on MSN to Julie, an Asian girl living in Michigan. For a bit I was thinking she was an American just like me, but slowly found out she was from this country; Thailand, hmm that sounded thirdworldish, I knew nothing about Thailand except the joke where you get smacked in the testicles if you can’t answer: What is the capital of Thailand? (Bangkok) before the prankster gave you a banginthekok, I wonder what would happen if I answered Krueng Thep. Well I chatted with Julie quite a bit and did plenty of research in the downtime. The internet was an easy enough way to find info, books, and movies about her country and I didn’t want to be the ignorant American. We chatted a lot and it spread to talking on the phone at all hours of the day. I think my roommate thought I was crazy, and yes maybe I was. Indirectly my involvement with her caused my classes to suffer and I now have to retake a class. Our discussions could go on forever and would sometimes get pretty hot. I was even lucky enough to get a 200 dollar cell phone bill, and she got a 400 dollar one. I was convinced I had found an interesting girl and maybe something serious. Her English was decent, nothing spectacular, and I took on the role of advising and correcting mistakes, which made me feel some form of satisfaction. At the same time being a curious person, Julie helped me satisfy a desire to know more about Thailand, surprisingly though indirectly, as she had difficulty naming three countries bordering Thailand, but I was more than happy to have Encarta open and answer my own questions.

 

She was studying English and living with a well to do family, but had nothing to do during the day, so was happy to entertain me on the phone or webcam. After about 2 weeks of talking, I wanted to surprise her so I made an effort to talk to her host family and arranged to send flowers and other gifts. My gifts and charm on the phone worked. In my mind we both were very interested in each other and wanted more than just to meet. She sent me a few gifts or cards, and I returned the favour with more flowers or cards. Initially, I was hesitant to fly to see her because I was knew no one in Michigan and was running low on cash.

 

About 2 months after first talking, things began to get rocky. I was to leave the country to study in Australia for a year and didn’t have the money or time to fly around the US to see my new internet girlfriend. I wanted to meet Julie, but didn’t really think it was possible given my situation. I let her know this and was hung up on a few times. Then screamed at and sobbed at repeatedly and told that she couldn’t wait for me and if we were so close (St. Louis) we should try to meet before I left. On numerous occasions I was unavailable to answer my phone for an extended period, and I would get an earful about not being there for her. I thought this was weird, but common sense went on holiday. I convinced myself maybe I was being dumb and selfish by ignoring her and did what I could to soothe her as much as possible. I was also blind to the fact, she wasn’t very worldly, current events and expanding knowledge may have been my forte, but she was fascinated with MTV, popstars, and shopping all things I hate. I bought some books to learn her language and immediately found that next to impossible, I did however memorize her address so I could write in Thai and English on mail.

 

Well in February, we met in Chicago (Middle Ground) and had a great time, did all the touristy things I had seen on prior visits to the windy city, what a cool place. She was attractive to me, maybe not to everyone, or Miss Universe, but I had no problem tell her I thought she was as cute as all the photos we had exchanged in the months prior. She was every thing I was hoping for ☺. She was happy to pay for ~40% of the trip, which was down from the half agreed upon, but I had no issues with this. I found out she was very clumsy, losing 3 $15 dollar bus passes I had purchased and other silly things, but I ignored this. I found out she is a deep sleeper and hates to be interrupted, which was annoying given the fact we were both on holiday, oh well. I also was baffled when why she would hold her feelings in, and pout. I was always used to expressing myself, but I later learned of the concept KrengJai. We talked about me leaving the country and trying to keep in touch. I bought her a Golden Retriever Stuffed Toy, and together we named it Pad Thai, and he was there to remind her of me and protect her, something cheesy, but I thought it was a good move at the time, it ends up burning me. I was at least keen on trying a LDR because she would be fairly close to Perth upon return in June, and I already had strong feelings for Julie that would grow stronger. At the airport she cried and I while I didn’t like that I actually felt her affection and felt I was committed to her.

 

Upon arriving in Australia, I immediately sent post cards to Julie as much as I could, and talked to her at least 1 time a day. Flashing forward to late March, I thought we were communicating just fine, occasionally it was hard to get her feelings into words, but I sensed no problems. Well somehow I got tonsillitis (What at first I thought was mono). One night I was very sick with a fever, and the phone rang, I answered and it was of course Julie, I said I couldn’t talk and had to go. Well 30 minutes later it was her again, this time yelling and screaming at me for not wanting to talk. I was quite upset at this, so I yelled back, that I am in bloody Australia and I don’t need a girl calling me everyday to talk, because I was here to have fun, so push off. Well I called back the next day, and said hey I wasn’t feeling to good last night, I like to talk to you, but please understand I need some space for awhile. Well this planted the seed that would ultimately leave me devastated. I just needed some space and wanted to meet some new people. She thought I was out screwing around, which was definitely not true. Remember I am this shy guy, who can only date people he meets on the internet ☺. I had a really cool German friend, Marie-Luise, who thought I was silly to commit myself to a girl that I only had been with once. Sounded like my mothers advice too. I guess babies have to burn to know what “the stove is hot†means.

 

After about 3-4 weeks, I was finally settled in, in Perth, and after talking to Julie on the phone less than before, but still a lot, I decided I wanted to resume old times. What was happening now was beyond my reach of comprehension, as I will later explain. Things seemed great, and I continued to talk to her. I was very devoted to her, and felt I had her affection. I asked for a postcard from Japan and Thailand, on her return trip, neither ever came. I wrote this off thinking nothing of it. In June she moved back to Thailand, and after not having passed her TOFEL she had nothing to do except job hunt. In July she started work at The Amari Hotel head office, which sounded exciting to me. At one point I went out one evening and got completely and absolutely drunk, and made out with some random Australian girl, this would have been a non issue, if I hadn’t phoned Julie later and her asking if I kissed any cute girls… I shouldn’t have said yes, but if that was the worst I did then I am a good boy. On other occasions I was in the computer lab working on projects and would come home to a 2am phone call of yelling and screaming about me being out with girls. Unfortunately this was untrue. We would always talk, and say things like “I am waiting to be with you againâ€, “I love you teerukâ€, “Chanrakterâ€, “You are the only one in my life†and so on convincing me of this.

 

For the month of July I went to Singapore with a good friend and we drank lots of Tiger, and had a good time, I flirted around with some bar girls, but that wasn’t my goal. We even went down to Geylang to check out the Boyz and Durians. My friend had to go back to Perth early, so for my last week I booked a ticket to Bangkok, not knowing if that was smart or not, I was ready to do some exploring. It was about this time I first found this site, and read up franticly about do’s and don’ts, to me which may seem odd I came away with just this: Ladyboys and BarGirls and Jewlery stores were off limits for me, yes yes I know all the fun stuff. I was going to see the Thai capital and if I was lucky, Julie. Being in Bangkok alone, speaking very little Thai was intimidating, but overall I had a good experience. I had 2 close calls one with a motorbike and one with a tuk tuk driver, but it was over all a positive experience. I have written about my week in Bangkok and will post the week of fun I had. I surprised Julie at her work on the day I arrived, and she was crazy about it, (She was very happy to see me) she said however she thought she was never going to see me again, which at the time I thought nothing of this comment, but this will have later ramifications. I obviously paid for a room near KhaoSarnRoad, she ferried me around in her brand new corolla, and we split the meals as best as I can remember, at one point I bought her some clothes, she had wanted more, but I said she had to buy those, so they went back on the rack. I was supposed to meet her parents, and while nervous I was excited, practicing my greetings and wais. When I got to dinner, I was informed they had a funeral that just came up to go to. Wasn’t sure if Julie just didn’t want them to meet me, or if some tragic death had occurred that morning. Either way was fine with me. I started getting suspicious of her, when she started telling obvious lies to people, but she would calm me down with a kiss or some form of molestation to take my mind off the real issue. One night she had to go home, “because her parents didn’t want her sleeping with me†so at 3am I tried to wake her up, and got screamed at, and I said I just wanted to make sure you get home so we are not in trouble with your parents. On another night she did stay the Hostel Desk wouldn’t let her in saying no hookers. Obviously this made her mad. She did show a lot of affection towards me bringing me breakfast and mangos in the morning before work, meaning she had to drive Bangna to RamaVII and back to the city for work, all for me. On the morning of my last day when she stayed the night against her parents wishes, her car had a wheel lock, luckily she talked the police down from 500 baht to 300 baht so I wouldn’t have to pay as much. Haha. Then we raced to Don Muang at 180k, jesus, I barley made my flight. She gave me the real deal with some tears and hugs at the departure stand.

 

I returned to Perth a new man, I thought in my heart Julie was the woman for me. Thailand has it’s issues, but I could deal with them, or work in Singapore, Hong Kong, Perth, or convince her to come to USA with me. Love makes one blind for sure, I spent countless hours researching visas and immigration details. We talked about her coming to visit me, but she could only take off work for three days and expected me to buy the plane ticket, 800 bucks for three days?!? I could buy a new girlfriend for 800 dollars. School got a little busy, and I cut back on the hours I spoke to Julie. I finally took a Thai class at a TAFE (community college), I hoped Julie would assist me in learning, but no luck, my English lessons were free I guess. When Spring break started in October, I was ready to get away from everything. A friend of mine flew from New York to Singapore to Perth, and we went backpacking for a few days, then my cousin flew in from Washington DC and the three of us hit the clubs. I was never really interested in the girls at these clubs, but I wanted to show my friends a good time. Well after one week of solid partying, I called Julie to see how things were, and she seemed okay, yet distant. I asked what was troubling her, and she said nothing at all. I even went as far as saying have you found someone new, and said it would be okay, I would understand. Her response was always no, I am just missing you. Well I went on for a second week of partying with my local and American mates and thought all was normal with Julie. Well school started up again, and I resumed a calmer life. One evening I phoned Julie and she told me she couldn’t talk, and on the third call she said she was with her boyfriend and she didn’t want him to know she was talking to a guy. Well this was news to me and I hadn’t seen it coming AT ALL. Yes I was busy for two weeks putting back rum and coke on tap, and crown lagers, but it wasn’t like I did anything to cross her. Well I was distraught, but I figured there was an explanation. The next day I was on the phone with Julie, and her comment was I am sorry about that, I was trying to watch tv and you were bothering me, the boyfriend was an excuse, again you are the one for me Andrew. Well if I had paid attention, I would have remembered she wasn’t at home that weekend, but I bought her apology and went on living my life and loving her.

 

In the first week of November I called her one night, and found out she was in Pattaya, I was jealous, I had never been there, but I wanted to talk, and was told no, I am in the bathroom and my friends are sleeping. Well this was at 11pm in Thailand, so I think I said oh sorry to bother you and your boyfriend, which was heavily denied. I decided I needed to know for sure, and almost hired a PI, but decided to buy a plane ticket to BKK instead. I sent her a SMS one morning that said I arrive tomorrow, can you get me at the airport, really the ticket was a week away, but I wanted to see what would happen, I could always arrange a different date with her. Well I get a call 5 minutes later at 6:15 am, WHAT! You can’t, I am leaving tomorrow for work in Samed, interesting, I didn’t know that Amari sent a marketing secretary to Samed for work. I was upset, and said I’ll push the trip off a week to the real date. Still the answer was NO, I am with my family at my grandmothers, up north, well I offered to travel there I always wanted to ride an elephant, still the answer was no. Now I was getting pretty suspicious, so I figured she was definitely seeing someone. A lot of my calls were dropped and my requests for pictures and things from Thailand were getting denied. I canceled the plane ticket and decided I had enough and went with a French girl I knew, to Melbourne. If Julie can have fun and travel around so can I.

 

Well I kept in touch, maybe out of desperation, I don’t know. She was less upset after she knew I wasn’t coming, I got the picture, there was some guy, but it was always denied. I admitted to her having never thought of leaving this relationship till now, she didn’t scream at me as she had earlier in the year upon this comment. Emails began to go unanswered as well as SMS and phone calls. The excuses were “teeruk I am so busy with the holiday seasonâ€, or “Andrew I am so tired from work can we talk later, but don’t forget, wait for me sweetieâ€, or my favourite “Pad Thai misses you a lotâ€.

 

I went to Sydney and Auckland and Hawaii with some friends on my way home and made sure to call a lot and send gifts, I am not sure why, but I sent stuff thinking I could buy her back. I remembered our first New Years we talked on the phone for 2 hours, so I called on New Years and when she said hallo, I said Wat Dee!!! Phone hung up. I was feeling really upset and started calling all hours of the day, until her mobile phone was disconnected. Supposedly it was stolen and she was waiting to afford or get her dad to buy a new one. I was mad because she never told me any of this, I was left to stew and draw it out of her. Well I returned to the mainland USA in early January this year, and things seemed to get better, she was happy to call my parents house and talk with them and me. I figured that was because whomever she was seeing was not around, later I find out I am right! It made me proud though she would talk to my mom, and my mom opened up for the first time to my supposed g/f, maybe things could get better. I moved back to school in late Jan, and she was always happy to talk to me about graduation, I offered again to visit, not sure why, but she said it was too expensive, maybe this summer. I suggested spring break, and was told let me check the dates. You can see where this is going, (let me check with my bf and see if he is in BKK still) Well I asked for some pictures and got some of her from New Years and those trips for work, where she was wearing a sexy bikini, wow lots of accounting work there, it is odd though because they had been forwarded from a person called Lean, when I asked if this was a girl or a guy, at first she pretended to not understand, then it was changed to I think it is a girl that emailed my boss not sure why the name is in my email. Ok Julie, sure.

 

She started asking for expensive things like Abercrombie, Coach, and Victoria Secret, I said I would buy it all for you but you can only have it when you come to visit, she quickly forgot all about the underwear and purse, she did get me to send some AF shirts and phone cards, because I felt bad that she doesn’t make much money, “Did I want her to work as a BarGirl? If not, send moneyâ€. When my gifts arrived, she didn’t thank me till “I†called her. She started to yell at me for not buying everything under the sun, and had I felt she still loved me I may have bought it, but I was getting annoyed. She told me her girlfriend (actually a guy) in the US would send it if I didn’t, like that was a major punishment. I asked for a red bull shirt and wooden frog and necklace, all easy things to buy at the weekend market for less than 500 baht, never got the package.

 

I called her mobile phone last week, and it answered, guess she got someone to buy her one, she didn’t care to tell me about it. Well her graduation was the day before Valentines, and I had hoped she could have called or SMSed pictures and I told her this, I didn’t hear from her at all for 3 days. I was up all night feeling very sick, knowing what was happening. On Valentines I sent flowers and went unthanked. I called her new job at Y&R in Siam Tower and was told she was sick on Vday, and her house and mobile phone hung up on me at least 10 times. I finally got a SMS Wednesday saying she would call that night. After no call I had enough.

 

In desperation, I did something to my everlasting shame, I went on hotmail, and said reset password, enter your favourite pets name it said, Well jokingly I put in Pad Thai, the dog I bought her so long ago. It logged me in, I was in shock and fear, what had I just done? Well I am glad I did this, even if it was unethical. After 10 minutes of reading I was ready to puke, after an hour I was ready to either shoot myself or hire an assassin. Emails dating back to April, show she was seeing a Thai guy, Pao immediately after I left, and that the Dog I bought her was being used as a toy in her other relationship. This boyfriend must have been convinced the dog came from family or friends, and had nothing to do with lovesick Andrew down-under. It was funny because emails I remember reading, like Hello Teeruk, do you like my haircut? had been bcc’d to Pao as well. She was proud to email people in July about me with pictures after my visit, but quickly my name disappeared from comment. Beginning in October, when she had told me about the boyfriend, I found loads of pictures from TuM aka Lean the girl she didn’t know on their trips to Samed, and Pattaya, with pictures that she sent to me too. The funny thing is the guy just returned from grad school in Arizona, where her ex-boyfriend was off studying, I wonder how ex a boyfriend he was. TuM went to Japan in early January, the time she talked to my mom. GOD!!! Lots of emails had been deleted, but I uncovered more in 1 hour than going to BKK could have in a month. I had been duped, Pao had been duped, and I imagine she doesn’t share her relationship with Pao with Tum.

 

There are so many more details to this treachery, but I think you get the point. I was mad, but I can’t be anymore, I am just relieved it is over. I learned that if you want to get walked on all you have to do is lie down. It is such a shame, because we both promised things we couldn’t keep, like waiting for each other, how stupid. This being my first relationship at this level, I guess it was bound to happen. I really thought if I tried as hard as I could, it could work, for awhile I figured it was falling apart because she was in Thailand, but it really fell apart a month after I left USA, I just had no idea. I learned so much about myself and a different culture here. Like I said, I am not bitter, I just want to know why? I am a nice guy, I was dedicated to her, if she didn’t think so all she had to do was say so and move on, I would have been hurt for sure, but at least I would have the last 5-10 months of my life back. I know I would never get a reply from her, in her mind she did nothing wrong.

 

In the end I spent a lot of money on her, gave her my heart, lost a lot of sleep, and I now think I walk away the better person. I emailed her other boyfriends, but they are Thai and probably don’t care, because they see this each day. I don’t think she is capable of juggling more than three b/f’s but, who knows, if you think this might be your Julie, feel free to check JM-AR.com or email me Andrew@jm-ar.com

 

I was bitten by the LOS bug, I held on so long, because of my fascination with their beauty and an interest in learning more about Thailand, even though I could never master their language without living there for a life time. I want to go back, but I had always hoped it would be to ride in on my Chariot. I guess a 777 will do. I wonder if I could ever try a relationship with a “good girl†again, only time will tell. KorpKuunKrab for reading, any comments are welcome. There is a follow up at JM-AR.com

 

(An attractive emotional educated Thai) + (An affection craving naïve farang) * (Long Distance Relationship) = Manipulation and broken heart

 

--Andrew

 

UPDATE: Please scroll down about 10 posts to read the latest

[Flash_Basbo 0]

In the end I spent a lot of money on her, gave her my heart, lost a lot of sleep, and I now think I walk away the better person.

 

Trials of the Heart. Good lessons learned my friend. I'm glad to hear you've come out the other side just fine. IMHO, your experience is less a one with a Thai woman and more so with a woman. The stories I could tell you... I'm sure every guy on this board could tell their own version of your odyssey.

 

Lots of other women in the sea.

[Emil 0]

Fortunately your young and didn't lose half your asset on a woman. Long distance relationship are very difficult especially if you never had a short distance relationship for some time in the first place.

 

You spent a great deal of time on this post, however I think it may be wasted as many boardmembers don't venture down to the open forum, especially the "Idle Chit Chat". I would suggest that you repost in the members area under "Relationships" I believe you will get more comments from other boardmembers.

 

Good luck in the future and don't give up on LOS over this one incident.

 

 

Emil

[cowboy 0]

Good post,

 

Hey what your little thai girl did has been done a million million times before by american, english,french, greek, itlaian, african, russian, chinese, mexican etc etc girls since the beginning of time. I was 19 in the marine USMC when a little german girl did it to me. Afterwards a mate and I made a bet to see who could fuck 30 girls first. Get a good bud. Go out and fuck as many or as few girls as you want.

 

The great thing I like about this board. You can talk about stuff that no one ever admits to usually. Guys that I grew up with or friend that I have made have fucked maybe 3-10 women lifetime. They got married and have no idea. women range from maybe minus 1 to a 10+ on the fuck scale. until you have fucked 30 or 40 you won't know what you are missing if you wind up with a woman that is a lousy fuck. You will just suffer.

 

A bud of mine that married his childhood sweetheart. Got divorced in his 30's. He winds up marrying a former girlfirend of mine. (who took him to the cleaners for like $200,000 after 6 months, I tried to warn him but he stopped talking to me after she convinced him I was just jealous) After that divorce he finally starts talking to me again. He talks about what a bitch she was but what a great fuck she was. i didn't have the heart to tell him that she is about a 5 or 6 on the good fuck scale. His first wife must have been really awful to think that brittany was fanatastic.

 

So go out and enjoy being single. I have heard that the australian girls can party hard. Study hard your education counts ++++ pussy will come and go and there is always more. read my toyota doctrine for more on that.

 

Cheers mate

[irishmic 0]

Hey AMRivlin,

Appreciate your description of a true life lesson, most of us share on this board. The quality of the lesson is equal to the pain experienced in your relationship. You really are not asking for advice, but expressing a sincere desire to verbalize this learning experience. At age 23, for the most part you handled yourself well with a situation; where no matter what your response was it would not change her behavior. The outcome was predictable, and you are a better person for enduring this important life lesson. Enjoy your next ride in life!

Irishmic

[JohnnyK 28]

Andrew, later you will look back on this as a really good learning experience.

In the long run it didn't cost you much and the knowledge you have gained can't be gained any other way.

You'll be okay and you'll move on, more quickly than you think.

Now, get your ass to LoS and sample the delights.

Chers.

[AMRivlin 0]

UPDATE:

 

Thanks for all the comments, you are right, I am not looking for advice (While I welcome both positive and negative) I needed to write this so I could see if people identify with me and how this sits in peoples minds. THANKS SO MUCH GUYS

 

And the story doesn’t end nor do the lies and deception. Who knows what to believe> BUT Today, she finally contacted me, essentially wanting the password to hotmail, and telling me she could get me in trouble, well considering after this I will never return to Thailand, I doubt I will be prosecuted for logging into a hotmail account. I didn’t give it out until I asked the questions I wanted and was satisfied… Well here is how it goes: she is no longer seeing Tum, because she now loves her current 32 year old boyfriend Rux, who is Tum’s best friend. Tum left for two weeks and she got back together with Rux an old old boyfriend. However it is perceived, she is now pregnant with Rux’s baby because she slept with him when Tum was not around. She is 1 month pregnant and was puking during our hour conversation, and never gave me any reason why (Other than she is a psycho) Her comment was, “I am a bad girl, but now I am going to be a mother and start a new life and be good.†Her fiancé is going to take her to grad school in England where he is employed. I guess England just adopted a Thai baby.

 

After this is all said and done, I realized I had been lied to from the beginning. When I first started talking to her she told me she had one previous partner and had been tested for STDs and we could have carefree sex. My naïve ass believed this and slept with her two times unprotected, during her time of the month no less. So today I said to her, “jesus how many partners have you really had?â€, and her response is 10-20, sorry I know I am bad. I asked if she had HIV/AIDS jokingly, but nervously as well, and she said maybe. I was really deceived. I said JULIE YOU F’ING DIE OF AIDS, and her reply is I know, but everyone dies. Well that is the end, I said a few more things, but I gave her the password to hotmail, and I am done with it. Tomorrow I will go get a full STD/STI workup, I guess 7 months is awhile, to not know if you have HIV. If her OBGYN notices she has HIV he would tell her and hopefully she would notify me as well. If I dodge this bullet then I am lucky and I can move on with my life and find a real girlfriend, but not for a long time, I know she is just one girl, but I am done with the female race for awhile, she really knew how to work me.

[Eric_Olthwaite 0]

Andrew, I suspect there are few of us on this board who don't recognise some elements of your story in our own lives. A couple of years ago, I got involved with my first "Good" Thai girl, and after so many let-downs with BG's it felt like a miracle. God, I daren't tell you some of the soppy things I did, I was so smitten. But I think I knew all along there was someone else, and in the end it was that nagging anger at my own self-deception that made me force the issue and confront the truth. Even so, for months afterwards the sense of loss and emptiness was unbearable, and I could barely drag my sorry arse out of bed each morning. Like you, I felt like giving up on the female of the species (Well, except for one thing...) but I tried one more trip to LOS. Even had to change my favourite hotel of 12 years standing (too many bad memories in the old one) but one morning in the new hotel I noticed the receptionist watching me and... well, to cut a long story short, we're getting married in a few weeks. My advice (for what it's worth) is to draw a line under the whole thing, get yourself to LOS, and have loads of fun. Don't beat yourself up about the Hotmail thing (you were upset at the time) and remember there are much worse faults in a person than being over-trusting. You deserve better, and given time and patience, it will come to you. Just hang in there. (Sending a PM too)

[AMRivlin 0]

The emptyness is what really kills, even though we were LDR, I remember getting emails like oh sweeite how is your day, I really wish pad thai and I could be with you right now. Or phone calls. I will eventually find someone who can bring me as much joy not just apart but when we are together. I convinced myself she was who I wanted... Well it would have been okay had I moved on first. Oh well. I can't think of any qualties she has except opening her attractive legs.

 

I actually think, julie did love me, I think i was a backup emotion machine for when the thai people weren't doing it for her. Well she got pregnant and the new guy / her mom said Julie, I know you are getting nice gifts and enjoying the fun, but just end it so we don't get harassed when you leave for England.

 

HIV NEGATIVE.

[david_33 0]

Don't want to seem cynical, but seeing is believing as far as the trip to England goes. I'd say that as an unmarried single mother who likes the $$ we might be seeing her in Pattaya in a couple of years...

[AMRivlin 0]

Trangam: Thanks you obviously understand and I am slowly seeing the light myself, but the pain doesn't subside.

 

I will admit last night I learned something, that makes my story completely different, but still just as hard to let go, yet I am closer to peace with this now than ever before.

 

One if Julie's friends called me. First this is a no no for Thais, they should take care of each other but never do another persons job, Second this was very brave for her to explain to a western mind. Ever since Julie came back to Thailand, her parents had arranged a marriage. Julie never knew this and kept on her heart for me. Well, as it grew more apparent for whatever reason, (The parents wanted farang out, or the parents wanted this guy in) Julie saw that this was a serious issue.

 

In a western world, even if parents suggest something, the girl has space to make a decision, sometimes a lot sometimes alittle and sometimes money affects her decision. In Thailand grengjai pushed Julie's decision of love not from me to TuM (Her real lover) but from me to her parents, whom she loves greatly. She chose Tum over me because her of her parents wishes. So as all arranged marriages go, the one pushed into it either is along for the bumpy ride, or accepts the new life and makes peace. Again in Thai culture Julie has accepted the peace as not to disrupt the balance of life. And I genuinly believe Julie loves him, well enough to bear his child now.

 

Where does this leave me, out cold on a rock. This explanation has allowed me to forgive her for my broken heart, but not heal the pain. To me Julie is still wrong, for she could have explained this in January or earlier. She was selfish and wanted to keep me as a friend, and was searching for a way to tell me of Thai Culture. Perhaps she even thought if she wasn't pregnant eventually it could have worked out. She percieved me as a rude ignorant American, who would not understand, as I proved myself to be. In my own defense, if Julie had taken a different approach, while I still would have been hurt, this disaster could have been avoided. Hindsight is 50/50.

 

Again this is a disconnect between cultures, Thai's assume one should be grengjai and accept things as they are. I on the other hand, could never accept the bible because it was "said so" I needed proof of existance, maybe why I am athiest. The relationship was doomed from the begining, add up different interests, vastly different cultures, long distance, and lack of proper communication and you get two people lost in translation. It worked because we were both naive, because she had lived in USA and adopted our way of life for a year, when she reveresed the culture it left me wondering for 6 months where I went wrong.

 

In the end she lied to me to protect me, and punish me slightly for stealing her hotmail, but it devestated and confused me. The AIDS and multiple partners were lies I made up and she accepted so I would feel awful. I even went for HIV testing to be certain I was not going to die. This emotional test was almost more than I could bear. I am negative by the way. Yes this was a learning experience, not just about culture but about myself. I have some issues myself that I need to take a serious look at. Maybe adopting some of the Thai culture could benifit me.

 

Lastly, to Julie, she feels 0% guilt, as mentioned earlier. To her this is the way of life and I wasn't willing to lie down and accept it. I will stand up and say I accept 60% of the blame for ignorance and infatuation. The lies and manipualtion were all her way of ignoring the problem. The other 40% will most likely never be claimed, and it can be written off to the cultural system that has existed for 2000 years in Siam.

 

Can I move on now, yes, will it be easy, no. I convinced myself she is who I want, now that she is pregnant, it is definatley over for her, and me as well, but crazily I have this sick wish she would come to america with her baby and marry me. (I can't explain this thought at all)

 

The only thing that could heal me, is her, or someone better. This is helping me to come to peace with everything, her friend robbed me of my hate, but I do not want to grow to be an old bitter man. This could have happened in any culture, this situation the misunderstanding was just that much greater. I want so bad to write a letter in Thai to her parents saying sorry for my involvement, almost to pass the guilt on to them, but they are no different from Julie. I am the outsider and will never be right in this lifetime. It is time to move on.

 

Thanks for reading again.

[cowboy 0]

AM

 

your post brings out something that many guys decieve themselves with. The "Good Girl". In thailand the barscene is so common that some girls drift into the scene and then out. I hear guys talking about how they met a good girl never worked bar yada yada yada. The truth is if a thai girl feel comfortable around you and is interested in farangs there is a high probablity that she has worked bar, go go, art club or some other BG scene. Unless she comes from an upperclass family ( if so why is she with you???)

 

Many girls have been on the game at some point to bring in the cash. If she is not doing it right now then she will never NEVER admit it. Any of her family and friends (if they knew) will not tell either. It is a face thing. They are not lieing to decieve you they are just hiding the dirty laundry.

 

I have always assumed that if a girl wanted to be with farangs she was probably on the game at some point in time and I don't care. If it something that would bother you you need to stay away from about 50% of the female population. (They all fuck around) If she says 10-20 guys she means 50 -100. My guess she probably hangs at gullivers or some other place where she can meet foreigners.

 

It was an illusion and the thai girls are very good at it. Come on back and enjoy the ride with a different girl. Just don't buy the farm so fast.

[mastaloopz 0]

After spending 10 months in Thailand and going to most major spots, I have to say I haven't found hardly any loyalty with Thai women that I've met. But then again, like someone hinted at earlier, when you're farang don't expect to, either.

 

I was lucky enough to spend a good amount of time in Thailand to soak in the culture, some language, and the attitudes of the people before I was introduced to Pattaya and the bargirl scene. I haven't been burned and probably won't since I know how it all works now... but they can sure put on a facinating illusion.

 

Chances are they've worked the scene at some point. You'll find the ones who are interested in foreigners are the ones who want you to take them home, buy them expensive things, etc... I've got a few female Thai friends in Pattaya who openly admit that they're playing like 3 guys in "long-distance" relationships and spend the money on cars, nice apartments, and partying every single night. And they're always on the prowl for other guys. And as much fun as I have hanging out with them, I can't have much respect for them. But it gives me a good laugh everytime I see them walk off with some other guy while some guy in Germany or Switzerland or whatever is pumping money into their bank accounts every month. They'll learn their lesson soon enogh.

 

So I kick back, enjoy the scenery and extreme hedonism presented to you, and forget about the long-term stuff. If I wanted a long term relationship, I surely wouldn't be searching in Pattaya!

[Begs 0]

Unless she comes from an upperclass family ( if so why is she with you???)

Stop hanging out at bars and other loser places, you may surprise yourself.

 

If you lay down with dogs, expect to get up with fleas.

[AMRivlin 0]

If you read my posts, I didnt go to Thailand for guilt free sex, perhaps that is what I was offered, but I was hoping for a relationship. We all know that didn't happen.

 

God I was so foolish. I will be more selective with my heart in the future.

 

Even though it is wrong to judge the entire country, there is something to say for the culture, when this behavior (NOT PROSTITUTION) but deception is documented in their history, Legend of Suriyothai...

[Begs 0]

Even though it is wrong to judge the entire country

You got it............................

[glassdude007 7]

come back to thailand dont judge this whole country

buy one gold digger the thais are wonderful

[wombat 5]

mate....build a bridge and get over it.............

[cowboy 0]

AMR

 

Son, son so much to learn. It is not the culture of LOS to be decepetive it is the culture of women. Same thing could have happened to you anywhere in the world. Despite all the warm motherly crap the female establishment puts out women can be very deceptive mean beasts.

 

14% of all children in the USA have the wrong father listed on the birth certificate. almost 18% of the men paying child support are not the biological father of the child they are paying for and most don't know it. Almost 80% of all child abuse in the USA is committed by women. And they commit spousal abuse at the same rate as men it just is not as well recorded. Plenty of women are wack jobs no matter where you go.

 

Don't blame thailand. And if you are still smarting from this experience stay away from women and get your self a 150 pound Pit bull. They are more likely to be faithful, not nearly as mean when mad, and their bite doesn't hurt as much.

[baitranger 0]

We all have to trust someone sometimes ; no matter how careful you are you can be used , abused ect .You were young and naive , trusting , in love and got hurt .

As other posters have said , it could have been worse ; you could have lost more money , you could have been older and lost your house , life savings ; you could have caught AIDS and suffered physically and mentally for the rest of your life .

You can put this experience behind you without blaming yourself - but it's certain to make you more cautious next time ; maybe that's not a bad thing .

 

I had to find a plumber recently to do some work at my house ; plumbers - and honest plumbers are not so easy to find here . Anyway , eventually I found one who would come to look at the work I needed and eventually after literally over a month of my trying to find someone , he gave me a reasonable price and did the work - or nearly finished it , I should say . Because he worked hard all day , because he seemed honest , open ect and because I felt a little mean about not paying him after all of his hard work , I paid him all the money for the job before he'd finished . It was something I've promised myself I'll never do after a previous bad experience.

 

Anyway , he promised to come back the next day to finish the job - and he did come back . Everything is fine , I had a good job done at a reasonable price and now have the number of a reasonable , trustworthy tradesman .

Should I have trusted him : maybe not - but I'm only human and I made a

mistake . I should have told him that I was pleased with the job so far , may be that I'd pay half with the rest being paid on completion .As it happens I took a chance for no reason other than that I felt sorry for him - a foolish emotion you might say .

 

 

What has this got to do with your situation ? Nothing much perhaps , except that what you trusted this girl with was not just some pipes in the house , but with your life and your feelings .And when the woman is from another culture , it's harder to understand what she's up to - and then there's the translation problem - translation not just of the language but also of her cultural beliefs into yours .There are some people we have to trust because we have very little choice -we trust the train driver not to be drunk ect but this was a situation where you did have a choice and you allowed your heart to dictate to your head .

I wish you well for the future but think you have gone a little too far , because of your emotional pain , in posting pictures of yourself and your former GF on your website . She didn't commit a murder ! And as other posters have pointed out , it's not only because she is Thai that this happened ; it's because she's a human being and human beings are fallible , selfish and unreliable at times .

[cowboy 0]

Baitranger,

I will stick to the idea that women are more devious than men. How many woman are paying child support for a child they are not the mother of??? Woman are more cold hearted. they just don't show it.

[AMRivlin 0]

It has been over 2 months... and while I have moved on... she is still in my head, what is that about? I really have moved past the hope / desire of her coming back or ever calling me. Now all I desire is an appology, yea I am a sappy shit, but god, it won't get out of my head. I am aware I have to let go first... But come on...

[BigDUSA 71]

Did you get your HIV test done and what are the results? Didn't you see the signs early on that this women was overly neurotic?

[BigDUSA 71]

Did you get your HIV test done and what are the results? Didn't you see the signs early on that this women was overly neurotic?

[AMRivlin 0]

HIV negative... took the 20 min test, couldnt bear to wait 10 days, although it only tests for HIV 1 not the newly discovered HIV 2...

 

Yes I knew she was messed up, but she really made me feel needed, that attachment i grew attached to... no american girl has become attached to me in such a way before.