Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Still Time to Donate: Down in the wilds of Soi Yamato (Soi 13/1 for the uninitiated) Deadly Derek of The Clinic sports emporium kicked off his joint’s Charity Book Sale on 14 February. Last year the money raised helped pay for cataract removal operations that restored sight to three people. This year he has included CD’s and DVD’s.

 

The deal is simple: purchase paperback books at 100 baht each or six for 500 baht; hardback and large print books are 200 baht each or six for 1,000 baht. CD’s and DVD’s are 100 baht a pop. The Clinic will double any money raised and pass it on (in full) to a local charity. Customers who may want to donate books, CD’s or DVD’s (in saleable condition of course) can do so at the bar at any time.

 

What and Where Are the Happy Hours and Cheap Booze? Judging by conversations I’ve had with many Fun Town regulars, as well as a few first-time visitors, it seems as if the price they pay for libations runs a very poor second on the list of priorities in relation to their ogling den/beer boozer experience. No prizes for guessing the number one priority is quality of the damsels. Of course, numbers of damsels is also an important factor; after all, very few people want to park their butt on a vinyl seat in a den to look at a half dozen exponents of the chrome pole. As regular readers will be well aware, it’s rare for me to write about a boozer without giving some indication of the prices the place charges for a variety of thirstquenchers.

 

I know for a fact this has caused a few people to try dens they might not otherwise have been bothered to visit. There are many ex-pats living in Fun Town on a restricted budget, but who nevertheless enjoy spending a few hours inspecting the talent on display in a variety of places; purely as a social and cultural exercise of course. To them, the difference of 10 baht per libation can mean spending three hours indulging in eye candy or four hours. It can make the difference between three nights out a week or four. For others, mainly people on holidays for a few weeks or who happen to be overloaded with wedge, the price of a drink from one place to another hardly bothers them, as long as the damsels are delectable. Then again, even among this group I’ve heard people say, “I don’t like being gouged.” If they think a place is value for money it gets their business; if they think it’s a rip-off then they drink elsewhere.

 

Then there are the ‘two-week millionaires’ who love to be seen splashing the folding stuff about. Of course they attract the best-looking damsels…but only for as long as the big wedge lasts. By the time they’ve checked out of their hotel and are on the road back to the airport for the trip home the damsels are back at their computer screens sending emails to other walking wallets bemoaning their serious lack of food, rent, and mamma money. So, in the interests of helping those on restricted budgets to get an idea of where they might like to spend their funds, the following is a randomly incomplete guide to current -as of the beginning of February anyway- value-for-money houses of the chrome pole.

 

Of course, the vast majority of joints only flog draught amber at reduced prices. Beach Club (Soi 15), Happy and Peppermint (Walking Street) are all owned and run by virtually the same people and are among the most successful in Fun Town, primarily because they always have a plethora of dancing damsels crowding the stages and generally exposing their most valuable assets. Draught runs to 50 baht all night with happy hour prices at 45 baht. Carousel (Soi Diamond) has draught at 55 baht all night with most thirst-quenchers at 65 baht between 8:00 and 10:00PM and a great line-up of chrome pole talent. Coyotee’s (Soi Marina Plaza, off Walking Street) has the amber nectar at 35 baht for the first couple of hours, although most other drinks are reasonable in the early part of the evening. The problem with Coyotee’s is the showgirls don’t make it into the den until around 10:00PM, when prices are at their peak. That said, it’s well worth a visit at around that time. The Dollhouse (Walking Street) has draught at 45 baht all night and its happy hour, 7:30 until 9:00PM, has liver wasters and ly water at the same impost. Heaven Above (Soi Diamond) has a happy hour between 7:30 and 9:30PM with draught and house liver wasters at 45 baht. This is a place that seems to fluctuate wildly as far as experiences are concerned. What I mean is that some nights the den is a hive of activity and packed to the rafters with superb examples of the art of the chrome pole; ther times, because expectations are so high, it disappoints. Definitely worth visiting at least twice, especially if your first experience is only mildly enjoyable.

 

Living Dolls Showcase (Walking Street) has a 45 baht happy hour on draught, liver wasters, and Thai rotgut from 7:30-9:00PM, although it’s better to go for the shows later on. Super Models (Soi Diamond) has a happy hour which extends from 8:00 until 10:00PM with most libations just 50 baht, Windmill (Soi Diamond) offers a happy hour of draught at 35 baht between 7:00 and 9:00PM while places with all-night draught beer at reduced prices include New Star (Soi Diamond; 45 baht), Champion (Walking Street; 50 baht) and The Sea (Soi Diamond; 55 baht). The above list, which clearly is aimed at encouraging early bird drinkers to emerge from their darkened rooms soon after sunset, should be enough to keep all but the most gargantuan of liver destroying appetites well and truly sated for a few hours.

 

From a Pig’s Ear to a Silk Purse: I’ve been hearing good reports about the Champagne chrome pole palace (Soi LK Metro, off Soi Diana) in recent weeks. When it first opened, the reports coming from various quarters were decidedly uncomplimentary but management seems to have found their feet. My informants told me they are impressed by the good music, the 45-baht draught amber fluid (all day, all night) and very clearly marked bills, at least for the draught and lady drinks (which are industry standard at 90 baht). The dancing damsels may not be up to Walking Street class, but there are plenty of them and most are friendly enough. The place boasts a free pool table and has a happy hour between 6:00 and 8:00PM with bottled amber, house liver wasters and Thai rotgut at just 65 baht. There are a few table dancers, of some quality I might add, so for students of gynaecology make a hard right-hand turn as you come through the door. On Sunday’s the joint offers a free BBQ starting around 4:00PM.

 

Where’s the Hoff? After being unceremoniously pushed out of his position at the Diamond ogling den, Rambling Ricky has moved to the other end of Walking Street and taken up the meeting and greeting duties in the struggling Babewatch chrome pole palace (Covent Garden complex, Soi 16). A person of Ricky’s personality and character was never going to be left ‘out of action’ for too long and he moved into position in Babewatch towards the end of January. This was another place receiving more brickbats than bouquets but on a recent visit I feel the place is well worth trying. There were over 30 chrome pole huggers, so at least there’s something to ogle, and a couple of the showgirls are stand-outs, especially the pair whose favourite number must be 69. The place is clean and fresh, nicely laid out (although the main stage is a little too high), there’s a happy hour from 8:00-9:30PM with draught amber and house liver wasters at 50 baht. The music was absolute garbage, but Ricky assures me the DJ is going to be sent to a re-education camp and have his techno testicles lethally injected.

 

Closed Until Further Notice: The Circus ogling den (Walking Street), acknowledged as probably the worst on the strip, finally closed its blighted doors in early February and the exhibits, including the fat lady, the bearded lady, and a troupe of clowns, have re-located to dens too desperate for staff to reject them. By the time you read this Club Electric Blue (Walking Street) will also be closed, to be renovated (yet again) and reopened in three to five months time after being turned into some form of magic pudding. Elsewhere, the Zoo den-cum-boogie barn in Soi 8 has bitten the dust; one informant claimed they advertised 49 baht libations, but then charged punters 99 baht.

 

Open Until Further Notice: Three dens may have bitten the dust, but, like the phoenix, something will always arise from the ashes. Three dens may have closed, but three more have opened in their stead. The first is also in Soi 8, called Dream and located in the Prince Hotel. The second is Tigers, upstairs in Soi Diamond and on the site of the short-lived New Player. The den is part of the burgeoning French-owned and run Shark ogling den and Shark Club table scuffing palace. Finally, on 7 February the Center Condo ogling den (inside Center Condo, South Pattaya Road) opened for business.

 

Piece of Pith: ‘Talking with friends by email is like screwing with a condom’ (Taki)