MONKEYWATCH - July 2007

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to our special ‘even wetter than Songkran’ edition (cos it’s bloody pissing down outside).

 

The big drama of the last few weeks took place in the Boyztown area when one of the more prominent gay bars caught fire, attracting rubbernecking sightseers in the sort of numbers usually only seen outside Galaxy Cabaret. There were no serious casualties, though their chef complained that the fire had burned him on the arse and ruined his mince.

 

In a bid to help us all sleep soundly in our beds, the Thai government has announced that liquids over 100ml will no longer be allowed onto departing aircraft, so it sounds like the passengers will have to start drinking their own piss on the flights home. Well, at least it’ll get the taste of the Chang out of their mouths.

 

The laying of the underground electricity cables on Beach Road is coming along nicely, with all the workmen going flat-out to make sure that the project is completed in time.

 

 

 

The strange tale of the month is undoubtedly the one about the motorcyclist killed in an accident on Sukhumvit Road who was found to be wearing a condom. Didn’t give him much protection, did it?

 

Another strong contender in the strangeness stakes has got to be the story about East West Management Co Ltd, the company who are responsible for garbage collection in Pattaya. They’ve complained to City Hall that the volume of garbage they have to collect is far too high so they want to return 40 tons of the stuff to the council. Their spokesman said that this would allow them to operate with greater efficiency and standards of garbage collection would therefore be improved. Nice try boys, but isn’t this a bit like trying to improve the efficiency of the railways by getting rid of the passengers?

 

Municipal police in Pattaya have been warned by City Hall after allegations that they’ve been accepting bribes. They’ve been told that they must put their house in order within three months, though it’s rumoured that this may be extended to thirty years if a suitable “agreement” can be reached.

 

The boys in brown have also been hard at work carrying out evening sweeps on Beach Road and arresting any ladies attempting to promote reciprocal cultural interaction. This is apparently to improve the image of Pattaya, though we’re not convinced that the sight of mobs of police jackbooting up and down the promenade arresting anything that moves is making a positive image statement to the world.

 

If you’re feeling particularly hungry, there’s a new stall open on Beach Road that specialises in extra-large doughnuts.

 

The Mayor of Pattaya held a meeting with all the local police divisions last week to discuss how to promote the city as a safe destination for holidaymakers. He apologised for his late arrival, which had been caused by his car skidding on a pile of elephant dung and ploughing into a small group of Chinese tourists, but reassured the gathering that only 63 of them had been injured.

 

Undaunted by this minor setback, the intrepid mayor went on chair a meeting of community leaders which had been convened to discuss the problem of illegal drugs in Pattaya, Unfortunately, the meeting had to be abandoned after 10 minutes as the mayor had become convinced that he was being attacked by a giant grapefruit.

 

Following numerous requests, Big C has installed a new table football machine specially designed for the Chinese tourist market.

 

 

And finally, a couple a snake stories. A python turned out to be the culprit after the owner of a company making door and window frames noticed a drop in the numbers of his chickens. Reckon his products might sell better if he got rid of the chickens and used uPVC instead.

 

In a separate incident, a snake caused an explosion at the Tourist Police Office on Thappraya Hill when it crossed over power lines, causing an electrical surge and starting a fire.

 

Probably trying to cook a chicken.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[OJ 1]

HI

 

 

Funny, as always !

 

 

Cheers

OJ

[stevoman 2]

top class as usual!

[Marty167 0]

Funny stuff as always monkeyman

[kelantan 0]

Thanks Man,

 

Nice to read something fresh.

[nohlsson1 19]

Great post as usual Monkeyman. Keep them coming.

[brotherbuzz 3,206]

Yin dee mak

[gentlemangeoff 16]

Inspired writing indeed. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face on a boring day in farangland.