Darwin Awards

[sinbinjack 251]

You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to

the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing

themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,

competition this year has been keen... the candidates this year are ..

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In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate

to retrieve his car keys.

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A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he

ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

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Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8 -foot-deep hole he had

dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said

Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,

and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday

afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and

shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of

Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers

using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200

people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

**********************************************

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell

face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was

burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had

placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of

his skull as he hit the floor.

**************************************************

Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he

won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

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The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington ,

DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of

a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupi d choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing

in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3 To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police

patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee

before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced

a hold-up,and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer

with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by

several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also

fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in

the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one

else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

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HONORABLE MENTION:

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his

wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew

up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit

the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would

happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

***********************************************

RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA .

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of

them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma

Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more

heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge

at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they

discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had

continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of

lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around

Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall

lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.

He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God

was watching out for me on that night. There's just no

other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

************************************************** ***********

AND THE WINNER:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed

his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more

than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up

pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200

pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the

ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The

sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to

the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the

elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted

Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.

With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an

hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It

seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Sh-t happens!"

[cannonball83204 78]

Just goes to prove: "Stupid is as stupid does". Forrest Gump; 1994

[joekicker 53]

Nah, it goes to prove that someone can collect a bunch of urban legends and put them together under an "everyone knows" intro. This is all funny, but totally made up.

[kev0184 12]

made up or not, still funny lol

[mykl 72]

Can't speak to these specific examples but the writer of the Darwin Awards does take quite a bit of effort to verify the stories she prints. Never underestimate the power of stupidity. Bill Engvall also cites some amazing examples in his albums, many of which are taken from real life.

[joekicker 53]

Can't speak to these specific examples but the writer of the Darwin Awards does take quite a bit of effort to verify the stories she prints. Never underestimate the power of stupidity. Bill Engvall also cites some amazing examples in his albums, many of which are taken from real life.

 

"The" writer? Of "the" awards? Inquiring minds and so on....

[mykl 72]

Wendy Northcutt. Check Amazon, so far they she is on volume four.

 

http://www.darwinawards.com/

[Eneukman 1]

I've heard about the winner a number of times before so it's either made up or happened some years ago.

 

Alan

[joekicker 53]

The winner is from the World Weekly News... the late departed, I'm sorry to say. Three words for you:

 

Snopes dot com

[jawadde 0]

Nah, it goes to prove that someone can collect a bunch of urban legends and put them together under an "everyone knows" intro. This is all funny, but totally made up.

Google Darwin Awards , and you will have a good laugh !

 

As far as I can see some stories are true , and some are Urban legends , but in that case it's mentioned !

 

Example : the Constipated Elephant story is an Urban Legend , but is mentioned as such :

 

The following stories are apocryphal. They are included on the Darwin Awards website because they are inspirational narratives of the astounding efforts of legendary Darwin Awards contenders.

 

Constipated Elephant

1998 Urban Legend

Edited November 26, 2007 by jawadde

[sinbinjack 251]

will all posters please lighten up ,this is the funnies section.

Edited November 26, 2007 by sinbinjack

[mykl 72]

will all posters please lighten up ,this is the funnies section.

 

It is extremely funny to read about the stupidity that some people get up to. The Darwin Awards are all about people who have removed themselves from the gene pool. Usually by dieing from doing something incredibly stupid.

[joekicker 53]

There was a wonderful Usenet group on real, actual Darwinisms, that was attacked so much by do-gooders, mostly from the dying continent of course, that the core split off and formed a private mailing list. It continues today, it is wickedly evil, makes total fun of stupidity, and the more bloodily fatal the better. With the first complaint about tastelessness, you are off the list -- and rightly so, it's about Darwinism fercrissake!

 

As Vonnegut said (paraphrasing) if you think nature is your friend, you don't need an enemy.

[mykl 72]

There was a wonderful Usenet group on real, actual Darwinisms, that was attacked so much by do-gooders, mostly from the dying continent of course, that the core split off and formed a private mailing list. It continues today, it is wickedly evil, makes total fun of stupidity, and the more bloodily fatal the better. With the first complaint about tastelessness, you are off the list -- and rightly so, it's about Darwinism fercrissake!

 

As Vonnegut said (paraphrasing) if you think nature is your friend, you don't need an enemy.

 

Any idea how to get on that mailing list?

[Eneukman 1]

I think that the story about the guy in Pattaya who tested his taser on himself deserves a mention. He was unable to release the trigger until the battery wore out and woke up several hours later at the other end of the room

 

Alan