MONKEYWATCH - August 2008

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome as we once more shine our torch up the rectum of Fun City and find…well, this.

 

A Thai bloke was arrested the other Monday after being caught on CCTV stealing brass hose attachments to the value of 50,000 baht from the Royal Garden Plaza. When questioned by police, he explained that he needed the items to secure a length of hose to the inside of his boxer shorts as he was currently working as a Tom Jones impersonator in a local hotel.

 

Walking Street has acquired a brand spanking new set of parking regulations, so now you can’t park on the left side of the street on even days and the right side on odd days. This idea was actually nicked from The Who, who told us in their song ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ that “a parking on the left is now a parking on the right, and the beers have all grown stronger overnight”. Pity they forgot to nick the last bit.

 

Undesirable visitors to Pattaya seem to be coming from further and further afield with reports coming in of little green men threatening tourists with their sophisticated extraterrestrial weaponry…

 

 

And now, a strange story. Nongprue Municipality is reportedly cleaning out some of its water tanks in order to beat droughts in the remote areas that they serve. So how does that work then? Is tank cleaning the Thai version of a rain dance?

 

And now, an even stranger story. Did you hear about the monk who was found by police in a Pattaya hotel room stark bollock naked and performing some kind of black magic ritual over the genitalia of an equally naked middle-aged woman? Well, it really happened. That’s why you didn’t read about it in the tabloids.

 

Nice to see that at least one of the girls who worked at the old Amazon A Go Go has found another job…

 

 

A police raid last Saturday night on Sunee Plaza, or Poofs’ Paradise as it’s known locally, netted a total of 80 underage bar workers, including a 15 year old boy working as a dancer and a skinny 8 year old working as a toothpick.

 

On the music scene, we’re sad to report that Elvis has left the Boathouse following the death on July 19 of ‘Elvis’ Ballard, the much loved Elvis impersonator who was well known for his performances at the Captains Corner Restaurant and the Jomtien Boathouse. As a result, a special Elvis Tribute Night is being organised. Hang on, shouldn’t that be an Elvis Tribute Tribute Night?

 

Now that MP3 players have been with us for a while, it’s easy to forget how much more compact they are than the previous generation of players available in Pattaya…

 

 

Not many movers and shakers worth reporting on the bar scene this month. A new coyote bar called Ice has opened in Soi LK Metro on the site of the defunct Gorkle Club A Go Go, and Angels A Go Go on Walking Street has finally run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. Yeah, we were gutted too(!)

 

Last Saturday night, the boys in brown arrested a bloke in the Nong Bow Restaurant and charged him with impersonating a police officer. Apparently, he’d gone into the restaurant claiming to be an officer of the law and demanded free food and booze, so the owner called the police and had him arrested. We’re still trying to work out what gave him away, as it sounds like a faultless performance to us. Besides, there was a bloke in a karaoke bar over the road impersonating Freddie Mercury and he didn’t even get a ticking off.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[nohlsson1 19]

Once again you have shared with us a invaluable insight on the day to day happenings around Pattaya.

[ozijeff 9]

Excellent update thank you Ling Yai!

[onelilley 6]

Very clever as always.

 

Cheers.

 

onelilley.