Who do you care for and support in your relationship

[Dr Mick 111]

Now I have been living with my lady coming up to 1 year ,this is my experiance sure may be different for others.

 

I do the same as what I would do in UK if living with a falang woman.

 

I Care and support my Lady and her 5 year old daughter,we all have a good standard of living in Khon Kaen

and also nice holidays together

My lady does not have a job ,but she looks after me so well and a great mother looking after her daughter.

I know some BM give their ladies money each month ,my lady never ask for this .

I have said she can get a small job if she wants extra cash as I have said this money would only be for her.

I pay 12000 bhts year for her daughter to go to a better school ,

Next year when I renew my medical insurance I will also include my new found family on this.

 

For mama and papa no money is ask from them even though these are on a very little wage working on the farm.

But when birthdays and xmas ,I will give little money gifts to ensure there can have a little extra to enjoy these days.

Once year I will take all my Ladies family out for a day out and meal,bit like a family reunion.

I think last time we was all out together they were 12 of use , with food and drinks it only costed me 5000 bhts and I had

a wonderful time.

 

Her father has to go to hospital once month ,but this is provided free for a Thai in gov hospital.

So take note sponsors when your lady is asking for a lot of money because her mama and papa has to go to hospital

 

I have been ask only once for money from her brother ,he has a job as a car mechanic ,I said no as he sould

not waste money on chicken fighting ,my TG agreed with me.

 

Most people asking to borrow money from me I did say borrow HA HA

is the so called friends on my TG ,My TG always say dont give money as

these people should work for living or their husbands should take care of them better.

 

Word of advice to any body taking up a new relationship with lady ,tell her from the the start that

you will provide for her and her children and give them a good life and thats it.

If she does not like this let her move on and find another.

Edited June 20, 2009 by Dr Mick

[harro1 256]

You are a wise man and have found a good lady. Congratts. All the best

[bratpack 91]

Very similar to me DR,except for i have been living with my gf and her son age 8 now,for 5 years.A couple of years ago i gave her brother 10,000 baht to finish the kitchen and bathroom so i can have a good crap when i visit lol.Give no monthly allowance to gf or family,as her mama is looked after very well by her 2 brothers,and they grow rice which most of the time gives them enough money and food to last on.

Her mama comes to visit twice a year so we take good care of her and bought some reading glasses for her(200 baht) and she thought it was her birthday and new year rolled into one.A lovely family inc uncles and aunties,who have more money than me lol.As you say DR get to know the girl and her family before making any decisions,as we all hate parasites dont we.My gf does not work as bringing up a young boy is no different than any country,you need to take care FULL time,and hopefuly he will turn into a model thai,who works hard and takes care his pappa lol.

 

Same same you DR,my life is incredible and i have never been so happy in my life.

[jacko 8,822]

Words or wisdom Dr Mick. A great approach, one I aspire to.

 

That associated with a good woman with a sensible approach.

 

When they are good, they are very good..... but!!

[Rick1079 0]

My TG always say dont give money as these people should work for living or their husbands should take care of them better.

 

Word of advice to any body taking up a new relationship with lady ,tell her from the the start that

you will provide for her and her children and give them a good life and thats it.

 

Exactly what my TGF and I have agreed to. She has her own business and her own money, and so does her family, and neither has ever asked me for money.

When she wanted to employ some workers from her village to help with the farms, they asked for a higher rate because she had a farang BF, so she employed workers from another village...their loss if they think I am paying for their labor.

My TGFs family are not interested in my bank account, they only want to see their daughter happy.

Not all Thai's are blood sucking leeches and think of farangs as ATM's.

[BBB 3]

We gave my wifes mother 5000 a month until she found the mother had given 1 of the wifes brothers some money (he's an alcoholic) now she gets nothing and the rest of the family have never asked for anything.

[FatherMojo 2]

Alright Dr Mick. Glad to see that you got a good one!

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

Dr Mick, does your lady have any available sisters?

[Hub 203]

My wife has a fulltime job here in the USA.

 

We don't send any money to Thailand for support, but will give her mother some when we are there.

 

When my son was living with my mother-in-law in Thailand and we were waiting for his visa, we sent 11,000 per month (we paid his school directly). Unfortunately, the mother in law mispent the money, she had a full closet of clothes and gambled, and wouldn't buy even basic household items or a pair of sneakers for the kid.

[joekicker 53]

Who do you care for and support in your relationship, Mamas,Papas ,brothers ,sisters,friends

 

What's left of the Mamas and the Papas can take care of themselves. But before the group was formed, I did give Denny Doherty a bed for a night.

[midlifecrisis 4,048]

a weak joke to justify name dropping.

[jacko 8,822]

I have not been asked, and would not be inclined to offer support.

I believe the TGF sends or gives a bit now and again to her mother from her paltry allowance!

A request for a loan from a sister was met by my TGF and repaid quickly.

 

I think I am fortunate that her family take care of themselves.

[Obsession 571]

It could be said that your all a bunch of tightwads, boasting about how little you give your TG Maybe of you miss out birthday cards and gifts you could save a bit more and treat her a little worse

[jacko 8,822]

It could be said that your all a bunch of tightwads, boasting about how little you give your TG Maybe of you miss out birthday cards and gifts you could save a bit more and treat her a little worse

No, that would be counter productive. She seems to take her birthday as quite an important event, so no alternative other than go shopping there.

[Hub 203]

It could be said that your all a bunch of tightwads, boasting about how little you give your TG Maybe of you miss out birthday cards and gifts you could save a bit more and treat her a little worse

 

I don't mind being generous to my wife - she deserves it. Just not to her family.

[joekicker 53]

Quite a cultural divide here. I dare say that the Thai-language version of this thread might be a little different. Thais (and I do NOT mean the small sub-set of Thai women from Isan who consort with white men) believe that when you marry, the families marry. Thais have extended families, and the man-wife-children family unit simply doesn't exist.

 

Most of the posters here aren't just taking their wives out of Thailand, they're trying to take the Thai out of their wives. That's fine, if they want to be like Professor Higgins and manufacture a dark-skinned, foreign-raised farang wife of course.

[Rick1079 0]

Thais have extended families, and the man-wife-children family unit simply doesn't exist.

 

This may be the case in some instances but not all, my TGF always talks about us as a family unit being herself, me and our son.

We visit with her family but mostly only food is exchanged and money is never asked for, I'm not saying this is what happens in all families just stating what happens in the one I have.

[joekicker 53]

This may be the case in some instances but not all, my TGF always talks about us as a family unit being herself, me and our son.

 

Of course. It's the sub-unit she lives in. "Family" is the only word available. But as you say, she hasn't cut herself off in any manner.

 

We visit with her family but mostly only food is exchanged and money is never asked for, I'm not saying this is what happens in all families just stating what happens in the one I have. D

 

Unless she is unique, she considers "her" family as "our" family. She also considers "your" family as "our" family, I'm sure. Exceptions are rare but from what you wrote so far, your wife isn't an exception. I think you haven't got too deep into how she views all her relationships, and it's not all that important until one day, for some reason, it becomes important - let's say an emergency in "her" family. She may, and probably will, view that as "our" emergency. It would be strange if she did not feel the exact same way about an emergency in "your" family as well.

 

What money has to do with that, or why you brought it in, I have no idea. As I said above, if this were a thread involving the Thai people, it would have a far different tone and direction. Almost all Thais would accept your family as their family "for better or worse", whereas most people in this thread don't accept that definition of family. It's a very definite cultural thing. Most westerners don't even give it a thought, most Thais don't think to bring it up because they don't realise how much westerners cut themselves off from their families at 18 or 22 years old. Thais never really move out from their families. This has NOTHING to do with money.

[Rick1079 0]

let's say an emergency in "her" family. She may, and probably will, view that as "our" emergency. It would be strange if she did not feel the exact same way about an emergency in "your" family as well.

 

Of course in the case of any real emergency I would offer all my support, we are never really cut of from our families and you are right she does consider my family in Australia in the equation. We are all one big happy family, but there is still only 3 in our immediate family unit.

Edited July 2, 2009 by Rick1079

[Obsession 571]

We visit with her family but mostly only food is exchanged

 

The words "tight" and " ducks arse" spring to mind

 

Wheres the trip report you promised?

[Hub 203]

Quite a cultural divide here. I dare say that the Thai-language version of this thread might be a little different. Thais (and I do NOT mean the small sub-set of Thai women from Isan who consort with white men) believe that when you marry, the families marry. Thais have extended families, and the man-wife-children family unit simply doesn't exist.

 

Most of the posters here aren't just taking their wives out of Thailand, they're trying to take the Thai out of their wives. That's fine, if they want to be like Professor Higgins and manufacture a dark-skinned, foreign-raised farang wife of course.

 

Not sure if I am included in your subset of posters you are refering to, but I am not trying to take the Thai out of anything or change anything in my wife. We do give her mother money when we visit but are focused on our family here and her mother would just piss away anything we sent on gambling/clothes/gold. It was my wifes decision last year not to lend her brother 2K baht, I think he is a pretty good guy but she didn't want to set a precedent.

 

My wife has said if we move to Thailand the pressures will be much greater.

 

I don't think my wife was thrilled with her mom when she went back to visit and there wasn't even dish soap or new underwear for the kid, while her mom had new gold and a closet full of new clothes, never mind when we picked him up his sneakers were two sizes small.. Good for my wife for finally severing that tie a little with her mother.

 

I got an email last year from my son's Spanish teacher. The kids were all discussing "things they do on their own" and my son told the whole class about how his grandmother disappeared for two day playing cards without warning him and he took care of himself. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

 

I wouldn't care if my wife wanted to send a bit of cash over once in awhile. Like I said, she has her own job also so has a say in what money goes where, even though she relies on me for most of that.

 

I have to admit my wife is more independent now than she was, but luckily nothing like the farang version and it doesn't have anything to do with "manufacturing" anything.

[joekicker 53]

Not sure if I am included in your subset of posters you are refering to, but I am not trying to take the Thai out of anything or change anything in my wife. We do give her mother money

 

No, what you quoted was my pointing out the sub-set of THAIS who are Isan gals living with white men. I wanted to write about Thais in general including those gals, but NOT ONLY those gals. Of course there are exceptions, but you aren't Thai, you aren't a sub-set and you aren't an exception. I was being REALLY general, much more general than most posts in this forum or this thread, but about Thais, not about people of pallor.

 

But since you talk about that.... Everyone's a little different. But the one thing I didn't etalk about was money. I was posting about feelings, heart (jai) and so on. But everyone seems fixated on the money to prove their point. Of course economics is part, important or not, of these mixed relationships. But that wasn't what I was posting about. In fact, by bringing up money you are not addressing what the vast majority of Thais would be discussing, which is jai.

 

I'm not attacking anyone at all, I'm just commenting generally on the cultural divide that a lot of guys in this thread haven't spanned. I'm sure an equal number of Thais in my mythical thread would be the same but taking the opposite tack. My point is way different from flaming or knocking that- my point is simply to note that there *is* a divide.

 

Hub, all of your posts I've read seem to say you and yours both realise there's a divide that you work to get over. Ironically, this particular one I'm quoting doesn't really address it at all.

[torrenova 644]

Most guys living in LOS don't do anything for work and thus don't really want a missus doing 12 hours a day 6 days a week job. Thus, they tend to substitute the income she would have earned and still pay all the bills so she can be around. Thus, she has way more cash than she had before.

 

Personally, I think she should work, especially if relatively young and certainly if childless. It gives the guy free time as well.

 

As for the family, then whilst I'm not saying never to help out, it is primarily her business and as she now has more income, she should be managing that to deal with such issues.

 

I hate it when people give up work or don't look for it and expect the western guy to pony up the cash for a never ending list of things, largely unnecesary. SOmetimes it is a hard balance to achieve but if you start handing out in the beginning I don't think you can ever regain control. In fact, if your other half doesn't stop the begging then she condones it.

[Rick1079 0]

The words "tight" and " ducks arse" spring to mind

 

Of course you would know more about that than me.

I don't see anything tight about giving food.

[Obsession 571]

I don't see anything tight about giving food.

 

Its being tight by only exchanging food. And you probably got the better of the "deal".

 

 

 

I reckon that even in the west, when someone is worth a multiple of thousands of times what their wives/GFs family is worth, then they would creak open the wallet and buy them some stuff. I remember a TR from a guy named Raylene. He was up country with a girl and bought her family a fridge or generator or something. Just because he was a kind generous guy. Ive also read of others doing similar, as many people do in many poor countries. And then, some guys "boast" about how little they give. Up to them.