The Darwin Awards

[Captain_C 28]

The Darwin Awards

 

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

 

Here is the glorious winner:

 

When his 38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

This time it worked.

 

And now, the honourable mentions:

 

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.

The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

 

A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer.... $15. [if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

 

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

 

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That' the lady I stole the purse from."

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti Michigan at 5A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

 

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family, unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant or long lost relative. Then be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

 

Remember.... They walk among us.

[pattaya_mad 208]

posted Dec 18th 2005 and April 13th 2009

[villayouth 37]

posted Dec 18th 2005 and April 13th 2009

:rolleyes:

 

[pattaya_mad 208]

this one was posted in Nov 2007..well worth a re-view

 

You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to

the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing

themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,

competition this year has been keen... the candidates this year are ..

****************************************

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate

to retrieve his car keys.

****************************************

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he

ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

*****************************************

Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8 -foot-deep hole he had

dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said

Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,

and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday

afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and

shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of

Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers

using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200

people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

**********************************************

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA , as he fell

face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was

burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had

placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of

his skull as he hit the floor.

**************************************************

Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he

won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded

with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

*******************************************

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington ,

DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of

a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupi d choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing

in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3 To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police

patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee

before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced

a hold-up,and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer

with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by

several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also

fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in

the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one

else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

************************************************

HONORABLE MENTION:

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his

wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew

up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit

the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would

happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

***********************************************

RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA .

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of

them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma

Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more

heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge

at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they

discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had

continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of

lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around

Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall

lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.

He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was

rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God

was watching out for me on that night. There's just no

other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

************************************************** ***********

AND THE WINNER:

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed

his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more

than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up

pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200

pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the

ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The

sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to

the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the

elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted

Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.

With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an

hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It

seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Sh-t happens!"