Monkeywatch - October 2010

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to this month's voyage to the bottom of the barrel.

 

Well, TAT are no doubt celebrating their outstanding contribution to Pattaya as they've finally managed to fill the place with the kind of 'quality tourists' they've always fallen over themselves to attract – punters with even less money than the Thais. Everywhere you go now you're surrounded by rouble-less Russians, cheapskate Chinese, impecunious Indians and potless Pakistanis. There's even a rumour going round that they've been given their own website, cheapcuntsrus.com, to help them enjoy their stay. Marvellous.

 

City Hall has been having a bit of a hissy fit about the large quantities of litter being strewn around the locality by tourists and business operators. They reckon it's ruining the image of Pattaya's beaches. That's a little bit like ruining the image of a turd by dropping a cigarette butt onto it.

 

The Health and Safety people have also been having a go, and last week called a meeting with Pattaya's street food vendors following complaints from customers about hygiene standards. They cited a particular example of a Thai customer who was incensed after finding a grasshopper in his bag of cockroaches.

 

This is the famous Tone Oven on Beach Road. It used to be called the Stone Oven. Looks like it'll soon be the Toe Oven…

 

 

A Pattaya pharmacist was arrested a couple of weeks ago after it was discovered that he was selling fake Viagra tablets to unsuspecting holidaymakers. He now faces a sentence of five years soft labour.

 

Bars news now, and there's been a wee bit of a shake up in the Walking Street area recently. Paris A Go Go on Soi Diamond has reopened under new management, the old boss having migrated to Sakura Club 69 on Soi 15 which reopened yet again on 1 October. We'll give you the closure date as soon as it's announced. Sin City on Soi Covent Garden has breathed its last and is rumoured to be metamorphosing into an Arab disco, so make sure you haven't got a pig about your person if you decide to give it a visit (this is actually good advice in most situations). Oh, and Moulin Rouge has reopened if anybody cares. Nope, nobody does.

 

Delegates from around the world have begun to gather in Pattaya for this year's annual Groucho Marx Convention…

 

 

There's been a few unflattering comments made recently concerning the less than fragrant odours emanating from some of the Indian visitors currently invading Pattaya. This is of course largely due to them having to walk from their flyblown hotels to the bars, as they can't be expected to squander their whole night's drinking money on a baht bus ride. Going back to their rooms and spending the rest of the night in bed with 11 other blokes and a Beach Road freelancer probably doesn't help much either.

 

Leicester, a British city famous for having a greater percentage of Indian residents than Mumbai, has sent its football team to Pattaya to prepare for a match against a Thai team in Bangkok this Saturday. The exact nature of these preparations has not been divulged, though it's rumoured that they've hired Max Mosley as a trainer.

 

City Hall has decided to take all fun out of crossing the road in Pattaya by installing traffic lights on all the pedestrian crossings on Beach Road and Second Road. Or have they? You've just got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky?..

 

 

Why can't you buy a burger in Pattaya without being asked "You want dlink and flies?" If I wanted flies, I'd have gone to a bloody street vendor.

 

People are still asking why they have to be careful what they post on boards about the goings-on in bars when it's widely accepted that the boys in brown already know, so here's a little reminder. It's quite simple. You see, it's one thing for them to know, but entirely another if we let them know that we know that they know, because once they know that we know that they know, then they know that they have to let the bar know that they know, or they know that those in the know will know that they know even though they're pretending that they don't know. So now you know.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[ServiceMan78 0]

Great read! I enjoy readding these on a monthly basis.

[Lucifer007 1]

...any reason to be racist?

[Funky 87]

Fantastic read, spot on about Pattaya attracting people without a pot to piss in.

[jballstate 326]

Good job. I look forward to your monthly editions.

[Fornicator 106]

Very good read, thanks for the laugh :chogdee :gulp

[joeypotter 14]

Bars news now, and there's been a wee bit of a shake up in the Walking Street area recently. Paris A Go Go on Soi Diamond has reopened under new management, the old boss having migrated to Sakura Club 69 on Soi 15 which reopened yet again on 1 October. We'll give you the closure date as soon as it's announced. Sin City on Soi Covent Garden has breathed its last and is rumoured to be metamorphosing into an Arab disco, so make sure you haven't got a pig about your person if you decide to give it a visit (this is actually good advice in most situations). Oh, and Moulin Rouge has reopened if anybody cares. Nope, nobody does.

 

Sakura closed last week. It didn't quite make a month of being open.