Monkeywatch - June 2014

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a big core coup crap for looking in once again, and welcome to this month’s midsummer military mayhem.

 

Well, the big news of the month was obviously the military coup and particularly that nasty 10 pm to 5am curfew. All bars were affected except for JP Bar, as they don’t open before 5am anyway. Apart from the early bar closings, there was a ban on gatherings of more than five people, which resulted in several hundred Indian tourists being ejected from their hotel rooms.

 

A Thai cable TV worker was left bereft of transportation after parking his motorcycle in Central Pattaya then having it stolen seconds later by a man described as “overweight”. Twenty thousand farangs are helping police with their enquiries.

Four Indian tourists turned up at Pattaya Police Station in the early hours of the morning the other Friday claiming they’d each been robbed of a gold necklace by ladyboys on Beach Road. The ladyboys had allegedly approached the men by Soi 13 and embraced them while stealing all four of their necklaces, which were amazingly each worth exactly 50,000 rupees. Police made out a report for insurance purposes, though they were unable to decide whether to file it under ‘Stinking Pigs’ or ‘Flying Pigs’.

 

One way to beat the curfew is to travel round the drains in a snorkel…

 

 

There’s been some discussion about how the Pattaya scene is being killed off by the Agency Model. Is there anything that can be done to reverse the trend? Well, all you have to do is get the bar owners to put up a united front and collectively agree not to employ these girls. So nothing can be done then.

 

Police were called to a small local village in East Pattaya after residents detained a 21 year old man who was said to have sexually assaulted a 74 year old woman in her own home. A spokesman said that the man had been questioned and was facing a charge of necrophilia with an underage woman.

 

A Thai teenager was arrested for shoplifting in a 7-Eleven store in Central Pattaya the other Friday after he was found to have concealed a bottle of sunscreen down the front of his trousers. He was taken to Dongtan Police station for further questioning.

You can’t hide a farang woman by leaving her in the car…

 

 

Bar news now, and Glasshouse a Go Go on Walking Street has reopened as Ginza II. The original Ginza is now closing for a refurb and will be reborn as, wait for it, Ginza I. Don’t know how they think these names up. The old Teazers/Shhh joint is to reopen as Crazy House A Go Go, not to be confused with the place up the road called Crazy Horse, where one assumes the owners were a little confused as to where Indian tourists actually come from. And Living Dolls Showcase has been closed for 60 days following a police raid. Anyone for tiffin?

A female motorcycle taxi driver became impaled on a rod in East Pattaya the other Thursday while walking round a construction site. A familiar story in Pattaya – apart from the bits about ‘motorcycle taxi driver’ and ‘construction site’.

 

A couple of Indian tourists turned up at Pattaya Police Station a couple of weeks ago and made the astonishing claim that they’d been scammed by jet ski operators. Or to be more precise, they’d refused to pay up for the alleged damage and been given a good kicking by five Thai blokes. The victims then showed the police some video footage they’d taken of the attack which quite clearly identified two of the assailants but were informed that a conviction was unlikely given the limited evidence available. Bet Oscar Pistorius wishes his trial was in Pattaya. If he gets off, his lawyer will probably be getting a call from Charles Manson.

 

For those of you who aren’t in Pattaya at the moment, here’s a panoramic view of Walking Street just after midnight last night…

 

 

Following a spate of accidents since the installation of the new booms in the sea off Pattaya beach, officials are looking at ways to make them safer. They first tried splitting the booms into two narrower sections to discourage people from walking on them, but this idea was abandoned after a tourist decided to straddle them and had his penis bitten off by a thresher shark. Safety officers have now decided that the best way to make the booms safer is to glue broken glass along the top.

 

In an attempt to stop beach erosion in Pattaya, City Hall has spent 3.1 million baht on sandbags which are currently being installed along Beach Road. This follows the time-honoured Thai tradition of “we’ve tried this idea before and it didn’t work then so let’s try exactly the same thing again and see if it works now”. The sandbags are reportedly being installed using all the city’s backhoes, so Boyztown is in for a few quiet nights.

Finally, a raid was carried out the other Tuesday to rid Beach Road of “prostitutes and other criminal elements.” We’ll let you know as soon as we find out where they’ve moved the police station.

 

Oh, and the curfew’s just been lifted.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Fornicator]

MONEYWATCH-The Truth Is In There Some Where!

[teelack]

Thanks as usual for a laugh at what most people take so seriously.

[Geno]

 

Police were called to a small local village in East Pattaya after residents detained a 21 year old man who was said to have sexually assaulted a 74 year old woman in her own home. A spokesman said that the man had been questioned and was facing a charge of necrophilia with an underage woman.

 

 

Like that. Cheers.

[Nightrider]

Nice one as per usual Monkeyman.........