Bar Humor

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A worried husband calls the police:

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!" Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall." Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't know. Not slim, not really fat." Sheriff: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Sort of brown, maybe blue. Not sure." Sheriff: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember." Sheriff: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly." Sheriff: "What kind of car did she go in?"
Husband: "She went in my truck." Sheriff: "What kind of truck was it?"

Husband: "A 2016 Brilliant Diesel Grey Pearlcoat Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4 l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting." At this point the husband started choking up.

Sheriff: "Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!"
 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

 

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Nigella Talks Dirty...

 

 

 

[awesum4 2,332]

13 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

Nigella Talks Dirty...

 

 

 

She is fucking hot as anyway....but that just adds another level.

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

[VPI78 11,509]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[VPI78 11,509]

At the Smithsonian Art Gallery in DC, a french couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.  The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis. The woke female curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered her assessment.

She went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” she pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.” After the curator left, a man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband. “Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.

”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three West Virginia coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

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[BigusDicus 9,878]

[BigusDicus 9,878]

All the time...

 

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Made me look twice

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[BigusDicus 9,878]

Nothing like the feel of a fresh from the dryer hoodie on a chilly autumn morning.