Jump to content
Displayed prices are for multiple nights. Check the site for price per night. I see hostels starting at 200b/day and hotels from 500b/day on agoda.
BigusDicus

Bar Humor

Recommended Posts

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.' So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.' And that's when the fight started...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So Adam is sitting around the garden of Eden one day talking to God and he tells him that he's lonely.

He thinks the garden is wonderful and the animals are great too but he needs a companion.

God tells Adam he can create the most wonderful, beautiful creature in the world. She will love him, care for him and do everything he asks of her.

Adam says "Great! what do I have to do?" God says it'll cost you an arm and a leg.

Adam says "What can I get for a rib?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, VPI78 said:

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, midlifecrisis said:

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

Just like Beethoven then? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, midlifecrisis said:

groaner. Pythagoras just rolled over twice.

Rhinoceroses Theorem ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you hear the one about this man from West Virginia who came home and found his wife packing her bags?

When he asked her what she was doing, she said, "I'm leaving you! I just found out that you were a pedophile!" 

The man responded, "Pedophile? That's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even
more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were
out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas Tree.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog licking its own testicles.

One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!"

His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This abrasive little chinese guy goes into a bar where a white guy is bartending. He says "Hey honky how bout a gin & tonky?"

The white guy smirks a little and says "Okay." The little chinese man slams it and says "Hey honky how bout another gin & tonky?" And the white man not amused gives it to him and he chugs it.

Then the little chinese man says "Hey honky how bout another gin & tonky?" The white bartender says, "Okay look here you little skeet dumb muthafucka LAST ONE."

The little china man replies "Why?" The white bartender says, "Because I don't like the way you speak to me.... how would you like it if I spoke to you that way?

The Chinese guy thinks about it for a second and says "Okay (as he gets behind the bar, signalling the bartender to the other side)" The white guy pretends to walk into the bar and says to the china man, "Hey slope how bout a drink?" And the china man says, "Sorry we don't serve honkys."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Texas?

A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, VPI78 said:

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Texas?

A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
 

Now we understand why Awesum wears button-fly....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, BigusDicus said:

Now we understand why Awesum wears button-fly....

I ain't from Texas.

  I only wear button-fly trousers at work....its a long story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...