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BigusDicus

Bar Humor

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53 minutes ago, midlifecrisis said:

She doesn't need dental work, she needs a head transplant.

I thought it was Luis Suarez in a dress !!!

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10 minutes ago, teelack said:

Christmas is coming. Get your skates on. 55938f455a74df88d29e499c5ad24c96.jpg

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk
 

In your corner of the world would that be roller?

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A chicken farmer went to the local bar.
He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne.
The woman said: "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne."
"What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, " It is a special day for me. I am celebrating."
"It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman.
"What a coincidence." said the farmer.
While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant."
"What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."
"This is incredible," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?"
"I used a different rooster," he said.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."
 
 

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While in china, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in california, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."

The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My regular witch doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid california docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, Thank you!" the man replies. "Yes," says the chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

 

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