Monkeywatch - November 2021

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to the great reopening that never was. As predicted, the whole story was a load of old crap and now we’re being told it’s going to be January 16… or not. Oh well, onward and downward.

Well, TAT has published its ideas for a new post-lockdown no-sex “quality tourist” focused Pattaya, so there’s only one thing left to do now. Open the hangar doors and get the pigs onto the runway. Over the years and around the world, it’s been demonstrated time and time again that trying to socially engineer tourist destinations is an exercise in futility and an economic disaster. But that won’t bother TAT, they’ll be too busy polishing turds and putting lipstick on pigs. Maybe one day they’ll realise that successful tourism is about giving people what they want and not what TAT thinks they should have. Silly buggers.

It’s been reported that police found 12 drunk drivers at the Pattaya Music Festival. Even by Pattaya standards, it’s a pretty poor crowd for an event like that. They really should try to get some better acts next year.

Several arrests were made during Loy Krathong after a number of the floating boats were found to contain illegal immigrants. The immigrants claimed they’d got lost while trying to cross the English Channel and are expected to be re-floated towards Britain in the next few weeks using a procedure known as “The French Solution.”

Is J K Rowling barred from here as well?

    

As promised, we bring you news of yet another bar that’s burned to the ground, namely the Laser Pub on Sunee Plaza. Although evidence of foul play has yet to be discovered, one suspects that the insurance companies are every bit as keen for Pattaya to reopen as the tourists are. No news on the cause of the fire is expected anytime soon as the authorities still haven’t found out what caused the last one at Nashaa Club yet. Maybe they’re not trying too hard.

In yet another attempt to boost tourism, it’s been announced that Pattaya is to host non-stop events until the end of the year. In the light of recent announcements about bar reopening dates, one would be tempted to think that they’re more likely to be non-start events. Walking Street and Soi Buakhao bar owners have petitioned City Hall about reopening on December 15, but unfortunately there’s bugger all they can do about it.

A local Thai man was arrested last week on suspicion of wife-beating following a complaint to the police by his wife. He was asleep when they arrived so they gave him an alarm call with their batons and dragged him off to the slammer. He was duly charged with the crime, but as arrests have been a bit thin on the ground recently, they also charged him with murder, rape, looting and drug dealing. To make things even worse, BLM got to hear about the case and have accused him of cultural appropriation.

So that would be Number One and Number Two then…

 

Bar news now, and of course there still isn’t any, so this might be a good time to spread a little optimism by listing some of the places that have pledged to reopen once this lockdown lunacy is over. Among those who’ve declared so far are Beavers, Electric Blue, Dollhouse, Baccara, Windmill, Pin-Up, Sapphire, Sensations and Tahitian Queen. Feel free to post any more you know about. Even Secrets is reopening, though with a new name and maybe a new business model. Chin up chaps, it’s not all bad news – honest.

Pattaya Bridge Club is seeking new premises as some of their more elderly members are having trouble negotiating the stairs at their current location. Funny, thought they’d all been sent to Guantanamo Bay after the boys in brown raided them for having too many packs of cards. The Thais must be going soft on organised crime.

Echoes of times gone by now with a pair of old chestnuts from Monkeywatch in November 2011…

“An Englishman was involved in what was described as “a battle with three transsexuals” on Pattaya Beach the Saturday before last. The British Consular Attaché, Drifford Bone, said “We may have to reconsider our position of promoting Pattaya as a family resort.”

Pattaya has donated 50 boats to flood victims in Pathum Thani. Well, if any of them are jet skis they’d better be careful not to scratch them.”

Pattaya is already making preparations for the return of Chinese tourists…

 

Two people have been fined 2000 baht each for dumping garbage in Pattaya. Since when did they let the tour buses back in?

Residents in South Pattaya have been supplementing their income by growing mushrooms and selling them to supplement their incomes during these hard times. Not sure what kind of mushrooms they’ve been growing, but a local authority inspector who was sent to make sure they were following regulations was later observed meandering up Beach Road telling people he was Colin the invisible monk.

Finally, a word about the Sky Mountain bar, which has been raided no less than four times during the latest lockdown but is still partying away with live music, booze and shisha. We know some people have friends in high places but the owner of this bar must have a minor deity on the payroll. Let there be light (ale.)

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Bushcraft]

Always good for a chuckle, thanks for persevering in these dry times, it can only get better, but only better than it is now. 

[monkeyman]

17 hours ago, Bushcraft said:

Always good for a chuckle, thanks for persevering in these dry times, it can only get better, but only better than it is now. 

Thanks for that. It isn't easy to write about what's happening in Pattaya when pretty much nothing is happening. 

Hopefully, planeloads of funny stories will be heading back to Thailand before too long.