Monkeywatch - October 2023

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap encore une fois, and welcome to our autumn almanac of stories you couldn’t make up. Well not entirely anyway. 

A tourist in Thailand turned up at a local airport the other week asking for help as he couldn’t remember which hotel he was staying at. The staff duly made enquiries and told him “Well, we’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’ve found out that you’re booked in at The Hilton. The bad news is that it’s the Amsterdam Hilton. There’s a bus stop at the end of the road.”

The Department of Marine and coastal Resources has rescued a stranded marine creature which they later identified as a false killer whale. Bloody Thais. Is there anything they won’t counterfeit?

Police have launched a crackdown on late-night street racing in East Pattaya. Clearly they take a very different view on this from the authorities in Singapore, who only last month allowed 20 hooligans to race around the streets at night for a whole weekend. Thai police have identified the ringleader as a Dutchman named Max Verstappen and have warned him that if he and his cronies try the same stunt in Thailand there’ll be hell to pay.

Looks like it was a lively night at Gaza A Go Go…

 

The local Thais have been blithering on about merit making again for some reason or another. No point telling us. We don’t even know what a merit is, let alone how to make one.

In a renewed crackdown on Walking Street vendors, it’s been announced that they’ll only be allowed to work after 6.30pm if they don’t actually sell anything. Sounds like business as usual for most of them.

A Qatari pervert has been arrested for sexually assaulting a male Thai employee in the lavatory of a fast food restaurant. It’s rumoured that the victim was given a wash and brush up in the most literal sense. The owners declined to comment.

The last of the stage props from the old Marilyn A Go Go has finally been sold off…

 

Bar news now, and the old Penthouse on Pattayaland 2 looks to be making a comeback – if somebody is prepared to stump up the asking price of 220 million baht. Back in the day, people used to say what a great go go bar it had. Others told the truth.

A homeless glue sniffer had a bit of a bad day after falling from a third floor balcony in Pattaya and breaking his arm. Well at least he had something to stick it back together with.

Time for more retro reminiscences now with a peek back at a couple of yarns from Monkeywatch in October 2013…

“A pub on Third Road was burned to the ground the other week after a fire broke out in the storeroom. Police then arrested the owner for breach of a 30-day closure order, saying the place was no longer closed as it didn’t have a door…or walls…or a roof. Suppose they had a point.

A female Chinese tourist had a lucky escape a couple of weeks ago after falling through some unsafe railings and down a cliff at Pattaya Viewpoint. Her fall was fortuitously broken by a large pile of rubbish that had been dumped at the bottom of the cliff and she escaped with relatively minor injuries. The medics who attended the accident told her she was a very lucky woman, though she seemed unconvinced that falling through railings and plunging down a cliff into three tons of rotting garbage was a sign of good luck.”

One of Pattaya’s cinemas has downsized a bit in line with predicted tourist numbers…

 

The boss of Travel Weekly Asia has announced to the press that Thailand has been voted the best holiday destination of 2023. He then sang three choruses of “Hi Ho Silver Lining” and was sick in a bucket.

An Indian tourist turned up at the police station in a distraught state after losing his wallet in the back of a taxi. Bet he’d have been even more pissed off if there’d been any money in it.

It’s been reported that Witherspoons had a problem recently with a group of Americans occupying a large number of seats while sharing a single bottle of water. A more blatant case of cultural appropriation is hard to imagine.

Finally, the manufacturers of the board game Monopoly have just brought out a Chiang Mai version of the game following the previous release of a Phuket edition. Wonder what a Pattaya version would be like? Bet the “In Jail” square would be a whole lot busier.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[jacko]

Great fun read as always! 

[teelack]

I always appreciate the effort and the fact that there are so few posts regarding Pattaya that it's almost a rarity.

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