Monkeywatch - December 2023

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and prepare to be transported to a wonderland of Christmas magic and festive delights. Okay, it’s just the same old shit with tinsel on.

Let’s kick off with a rather strange tale. A prisoner went on the run a couple of weeks ago after escaping from Bangkok Pattaya Hospital where he’d been taken for surgery on his penis. A surgeon told police not to bother searching for the man as they’d be able to re-arrest him as soon as he returned to the hospital. When asked how he was so sure the man would return, the surgeon replied “Well we’ve still got his dick in our fridge.”  

Now Pattaya has its new late bar opening hours, people have been asking if the famous Kiss Choke and Puke on Second Road will be going back to its old 24 hour a day service. We’ve got a question too. Who gives a shit?

A Belgian tourist ended up in hospital the other night after a wire rope sling penetrated his wrist and hand after he fell over on a sidewalk. The company responsible for the wire said it was the man’s own fault as “He was pissed as a rat.” When they were asked about another incident on the same day where one of their hanging wire ropes slashed a motorcyclist’s neck and propelled him into a ditch, the company said “Well he was pissed as a rat as well.”

Following complaints about a lack of accessibility on Beach Road caused by the latest “improvements”, a new spacehopper lane has been added to help ease congestion…

 

A German television company has been stirring the shit by making a documentary about the “scandalous sex trade in Pattaya.” Well done boys, but you’re about five decades too late. And haven’t you ever heard of the Reeperbahn?

An investigation is under way after a photograph appeared online of a female Chinese tourist wearing a Thai policeman’s uniform. A Thai man in a Chinese dress is believed to be helping police with their enquiries.

A man questioned by police in Walking Street about illegally selling laughing gas said it was all lies and the people around him were just happy. The police, however, were not happy and frogmarched him to the monkey house.

The heats for the upcoming 2024 Pattaya Underwater Farting Contest seem to be producing some promising contestants…

 

Christmas bar news time, and LK Metro has been blessed with two new Go Go’s in the shape of Top Gun and Fever. This could be very interesting (but probably won’t be.)

A Thai man arrested for indecent exposure on Jomtien Beach earlier this month told police that he was just trying to get a Dongtan.

More ghosts of Christmas past now with a selection of crackers from Monkeywatch in December 2013…

“Two Thai cooks were arrested the other Monday after being caught stealing food from the restaurant where they worked. They claimed that they’d only stolen the food for their own consumption but police refused to believe them after talking to one of their officers who’d eaten in the place.

The number of Chinese tourists coming to Thailand has dropped dramatically since their government ordered a crackdown on so-called ‘zero dollars tours’. It seems that the term refers to very cheap holidays that have hidden costs and not, as we’d always assumed, to the amount the average Chinese tourist spends in the bars.

It’s been reported that prostitutes have been using a broken transformer box on Beach Road for oral sex. Bet that makes their lips sting a bit.”

The new visa relaxations seem to have brought the Indian tour buses back…

 

Pattaya City Administration has set up a control point on Walking Street staffed with administrative personnel allegedly for the benefit of tourists. When asked what they were actually doing there, one of them replied “I haven’t got a clue.”

Following the news that 3D printed reefs were being used off the coast of Pattaya to increase marine activity, some bar owners are planning to get some 3D printed bargirls in to see if it increases the activity in their bars. Suppose it might get a few 3D printed customers in.   

Finally, a Thai chap had a bit of a surprise last week when his bathroom exploded without warning. Emergency workers who pulled him out from what was left of his house concluded that he’d been taking a leak at the time of the explosion as his dick was still in his hand. Unfortunately, his hand was on the roof of a house on the other side of the street.

A very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to one and all.

be seeing you

monkeyman

   

[teelack 9,639]

Keep them coming. Always appreciated.

As a matter of interest I know where Fever is (Opposite Exotic Bar) in Soi LK but is TopGun the old Pulse club?

While your at it did either Champagne or Bachelors reopen in LK or is it 2 closed and 2 opened ?

Sent from my CPH1941 using Tapatalk

[monkeyman 1,604]

Top Gun is indeed the old Pulse Club.

Champagne and Bachelors still closed as far as I know.

[VPI78 11,498]

11 minutes ago, monkeyman said:

Top Gun is indeed the old Pulse Club.

Champagne and Bachelors still closed as far as I know.

The LK Metro owner had Bachelors cleaned out, i.e., all furnishings removed, a couple of weeks ago when the lease holder/operator did a runner after not being able to pay the +2 million Baht annual rent. When some dreamer does re-open the place it won't be as Bachelors.

[Bruce Mangosteen 538]

16 hours ago, monkeyman said:

A Thai man arrested for indecent exposure on Jomtien Beach earlier this month told police that he was just trying to get a Dongtan.

Badum bump TSSSSS!    He's here all week, folks!  Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses!  And, try the veal!