Monkeywatch - September 2024

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for taking a gander, and welcome to another sneaky peek at what’s transpired, inspired and expired in the last month. Chocks away. 

The Thai Navy are to create something they call an ‘underwater learning park’ by sinking some of their old ships. They should take some advice from the Koh Larn ferry as they’ve managed to sink more boats than just about anybody else.

Experts have advised that the chances of another coup in Thailand are very slim, though if you had the gun barrel of a tank sticking through your front window you’d probably come to the same conclusion.

A Thai landlord got into a punch up with a couple of MGBGTs (or whatever they’re called these days) after they tried to smuggle a girl into their room without paying a guest fee. So why would a pair of brown hatters want a girl in their room in the first place?

Two men have been arrested after a group of Indian tourists complained to police that the luxury accommodation for 11 people that they’d booked didn’t live up to expectations…

 

Pattaya Cricket Club have been ordered to return the trophies they brought back from the Koh Chang Beach Cricket Tournament because of a technicality – they didn’t actually take part. Police are investigating.

A Thai postman had to be rescued after he was discovered at the bottom of a well in East Pattaya. A strange place to have to deliver a letter we thought, but it turned out that he’d just fallen in after getting completely pissed. Good job he wasn’t on his motorbike – oh hang on, he was. This is Thailand.

Speaking of which, where else in the world would a construction company build a new road and leave an existing electricity pole standing slap bang in the middle of one of the carriageways. Well, it’s there to be seen in Najomtien, where this road is actually now in use. This one you really couldn’t make up.

Pattaya is pleased to welcome another tour bus full of quality tourists…

Bar news now, and Shark has expanded its premises to cover Walking Street and a large chunk of Soi Diamond. PlayGirlz is also expanding by opening a third establishment on Soi Boomerang. So not all gloom and doom for mongering then.

A public transport safety campaign has been launched in Pattaya after a Chinese tourist was killed when he allegedly got off a baht bus without ringing the bell first. It’s been suggested that a further campaign highlighting the dangers of getting pissed out of your mind on rice wine might also be helpful in this respect.

Don’t look back in anger as we revisit a couple of yarns from Monkeywatch in September 2014…

“For food fans, the front of Royal Garden Plaza is the home of a new KFC (that’s Korean Fried Canine), so if you’re feeling a little husky you can now go and eat one. There’s also a new restaurant on Soi Buakhao called Woks and Knickers, which sounds interesting if you’re a monger but a tad racist if you’re a bit hard of hearing.

An Algerian has filed a discrimination claim against an airline after he was ejected from the flight because he ‘smelled like a pair of zookeeper’s boots’. However, it’s still unclear whether the man is claiming he was discriminated against because he’s an Algerian or because he’s a stinking pig.”

Pattaya police have found evidence of illegal immigrants flying in from Arabia…

 

Floods of course cause damage to countries all over the world but where else but Thailand would you get flood damage to a waterfall? Well, it’s happened at the Thi Lo Su Waterfall in Tak Province. Not sure how you’d go about fixing it. Drying it out perhaps? Seems to be the way to cure tourists who’ve ingested excess fluids, though one suspects that water isn’t likely to be one of them.

A Pattaya monk has been defrocked after being found smashed out of his skull on yabba. Not sure what vows monks in Thailand take but it doesn’t look like abstinence is anywhere on the list.

And now a gardening story, Pattaya style. Two neighbours were tending to their gardens when the man complained to the woman about her barking dog, something he apparently did frequently. She didn’t take this too well so she threw a plant pot at him and knocked him off his ladder. This angered him somewhat so he went for her with a pair of pruning shears. Fortunately, she managed to defuse the situation by pulling out a gun and shooting him. Moral – if you run at a Thai woman brandishing your tool it probably won’t end well.

Finally, there’s been a fit of moral outrage online after a video showing a Thai man pissing in the sea at Pattaya Beach went viral. The comments seemed to be split between people wanting him to be hanged in public and others who were blaming his behaviour on a lack of public toilets in the area. A grilled squid seller who observed the incident said he’d never seen anything like it before. Always good to have input from an expert.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[knortyboy]

Excellent. As always. 🙏

[forcebwithu]

Thanks for the laughs. 

Looked this one up "Speaking of which, where else in the world would a construction company build a new road and leave an existing electricity pole standing slap bang in the middle of one of the carriageways. Well, it’s there to be seen in Najomtien, where this road is actually now in use. This one you really couldn’t make up." and sure enough, not that I doubted you...

Construction cockup leaves utility pole in the middle of Najomtien road

[teelack]

Yet again another "Tour de Farce".
Arrived on my phone at breakfast time and was a better read than my morning newspaper.
Thanks as usual.

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