Monkeywatch - May 2025

[monkeyman 1,672]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying us a visit, and welcome to this month’s delve into dark deeds and debauchery. Or not.

Well, we just have to kick off with the news that Thai religious bar closure days have been scrapped in entertainment areas. Great news, unless you’re visiting a restaurant or visiting anywhere at all if there’s an election on. They just can’t let it go, can they? Or maybe they can, as the government is now considering including restaurants in this new law as well. Just don’t hold your breath (unless you’re standing within 10 feet of a “quality tourist.”)    

Despite this new found freedom, the Thai authorities are still getting themselves into a lather about the tourism crisis the country’s going through. They just don’t seem to be able to come up with a reason why tourists don’t want to come to Thailand any more. Well, if any of them are reading this, here’s a little clue. Rearrange the following into a well-known phrase or saying – “pigs many too stinking.”

Pattaya is proud to announce the introduction of mobile air-conditioned toilets into the city. So how does that work then? Do you have to stand at a stop and wait for them to arrive like a bus? Wouldn’t fancy sitting in the lower deck if the thing was running late. In another story, City Hall has fined a project manager for “dirtying a public road.” Guess the mobile toilet must have been running late that day.

If you’re visiting Pattaya, please drink responsibly…

 

Walking Street is to get an “eye-catching 3D LED” entrance sign to replace the current monstrosity. It’s scheduled to be completed by August 21 so if you’re coming to Pattaya for Christmas there’s an outside chance you might get to see it working.

Apparently, fears are growing that Chinese tourism in Thailand may be in permanent decline. Yes, we’re all scared shitless about that, aren’t we?

It’s been claimed that Pattaya has a shortage of young workers to serve retired foreigners. Whoever made this claim has obviously never visited Pin-Up.

Pattaya residents and tourists fled in panic after a swarm of several thousand fruit bats descended on roadside trees in North Pattaya. Wonder if any of them were called Eric? They were apparently first reported by a man who was on his way to the post office to buy a fish licence. He must be a loony.

Big Brother is listening to you…

 

Bar news time, and as you may know, Rum Runner is now open for business in the bowels of Soi Buakhao, and the closing time has been revised from 10pm to midnight. That at least gives you an extra two hours to try and find the bloody place.

Talking of which, the debate on how to spell Soi Buakhao/Buakhow/Bukhoew/Bukow still rages on with no sign of any resolution. Tell you what, why don’t we just settle on Soi Bigcow and have done with it?

Back to the heady days of times gone by now with a look back at a trio of unlikely tales from Monkeywatch in May 2015…

“Emergency services were called to Walking Street last week after a fire was reported in an Iranian restaurant. The cause of the conflagration has yet to be established, though it is rumoured that a group of local food critics may be responsible. The critics refused to comment except to describe the food in the establishment as “the only thing in the place that smells worse than the chef”.

A Burmese factory worker met his demise last week after he fell into a meat grinder. Unfortunately, the police misunderstood when they were informed that a man had been killed by a meat grinder and arrested all the girls in Soi 6. When a factory worker explained to the arresting officer that they were actually talking about a mincing machine, police went to Beach Road and arrested all the ladyboys.

The routes to Pattaya were even more gridlocked than usual last weekend as Thais flocked to the city to celebrate Labor Day. Having observed the proceedings, one can only conclude that in the Thai language ‘labor’ means ‘get pissed as a rat and fall into the road’.”

In Pattaya, less Chinese tourists means there won’t be so many people going back home in black plastic overcoats…

 

A drunken ‘Belgian’ tourist had to pay 35,000 baht in compensation after staggering round a convenience store in Naklua, smashing bottles of wine and pouring drinks over his head. He appears to go by the name of Mustafa so we can safely put this down to yet another case of stinking piggery. Belgian my arse.

Thai hoteliers are urging the government to rush through the “Half Half Travel Thailand” scheme. So what’s that then? Cheap hotel stays for ladyboys?

Locals have complained to the police about a cement spill on a road in North Pattaya. They were told to return when they had some concrete evidence.

Finally, following a viral video clip, it’s being asked if it’s acceptable to hit Indian tourists with sticks for walking in the road. Suppose it’s okay if there isn’t a baseball bat handy.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack 10,063]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying us a visit, and welcome to this month’s delve into dark deeds and debauchery. Or not.
Well, we just have to kick off with the news that Thai religious bar closure days have been scrapped in entertainment areas. Great news, unless you’re visiting a restaurant or visiting anywhere at all if there’s an election on. They just can’t let it go, can they? Or maybe they can, as the government is now considering including restaurants in this new law as well. Just don’t hold your breath (unless you’re standing within 10 feet of a “quality tourist.”)    
Despite this new found freedom, the Thai authorities are still getting themselves into a lather about the tourism crisis the country’s going through. They just don’t seem to be able to come up with a reason why tourists don’t want to come to Thailand any more. Well, if any of them are reading this, here’s a little clue. Rearrange the following into a well-known phrase or saying – “pigs many too stinking.”
Pattaya is proud to announce the introduction of mobile air-conditioned toilets into the city. So how does that work then? Do you have to stand at a stop and wait for them to arrive like a bus? Wouldn’t fancy sitting in the lower deck if the thing was running late. In another story, City Hall has fined a project manager for “dirtying a public road.” Guess the mobile toilet must have been running late that day.
If you’re visiting Pattaya, please drink responsibly…
 
Walking Street is to get an “eye-catching 3D LED” entrance sign to replace the current monstrosity. It’s scheduled to be completed by August 21 so if you’re coming to Pattaya for Christmas there’s an outside chance you might get to see it working.
Apparently, fears are growing that Chinese tourism in Thailand may be in permanent decline. Yes, we’re all scared shitless about that, aren’t we?
It’s been claimed that Pattaya has a shortage of young workers to serve retired foreigners. Whoever made this claim has obviously never visited Pin-Up.
Pattaya residents and tourists fled in panic after a swarm of several thousand fruit bats descended on roadside trees in North Pattaya. Wonder if any of them were called Eric? They were apparently first reported by a man who was on his way to the post office to buy a fish licence. He must be a loony.
Big Brother is listening to you…
 
Bar news time, and as you may know, Rum Runner is now open for business in the bowels of Soi Buakhao, and the closing time has been revised from 10pm to midnight. That at least gives you an extra two hours to try and find the bloody place.
Talking of which, the debate on how to spell Soi Buakhao/Buakhow/Bukhoew/Bukow still rages on with no sign of any resolution. Tell you what, why don’t we just settle on Soi Bigcow and have done with it?
Back to the heady days of times gone by now with a look back at a trio of unlikely tales from Monkeywatch in May 2015…
“Emergency services were called to Walking Street last week after a fire was reported in an Iranian restaurant. The cause of the conflagration has yet to be established, though it is rumoured that a group of local food critics may be responsible. The critics refused to comment except to describe the food in the establishment as “the only thing in the place that smells worse than the chef”.
A Burmese factory worker met his demise last week after he fell into a meat grinder. Unfortunately, the police misunderstood when they were informed that a man had been killed by a meat grinder and arrested all the girls in Soi 6. When a factory worker explained to the arresting officer that they were actually talking about a mincing machine, police went to Beach Road and arrested all the ladyboys.
The routes to Pattaya were even more gridlocked than usual last weekend as Thais flocked to the city to celebrate Labor Day. Having observed the proceedings, one can only conclude that in the Thai language ‘labor’ means ‘get pissed as a rat and fall into the road’.”
In Pattaya, less Chinese tourists means there won’t be so many people going back home in black plastic overcoats…
 
A drunken ‘Belgian’ tourist had to pay 35,000 baht in compensation after staggering round a convenience store in Naklua, smashing bottles of wine and pouring drinks over his head. He appears to go by the name of Mustafa so we can safely put this down to yet another case of stinking piggery. Belgian my arse.
Thai hoteliers are urging the government to rush through the “Half Half Travel Thailand” scheme. So what’s that then? Cheap hotel stays for ladyboys?
Locals have complained to the police about a cement spill on a road in North Pattaya. They were told to return when they had some concrete evidence.
Finally, following a viral video clip, it’s being asked if it’s acceptable to hit Indian tourists with sticks for walking in the road. Suppose it’s okay if there isn’t a baseball bat handy.
be seeing you
monkeyman

You hit a few nails on their heads this month. I am sitting a restaurant in Pattaya laughing at your words of wisdom and waiting for the men in white coats to collect me.

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