Ergodyne

The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. A dog's parents never visit. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And last, but not least: If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff. To test this theory: Lock your wife and your dog in a garden shed / loft / garage / workshop or boot of the car, for an hour or more. Then open it and see who's happy to see you

Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant. Stuart: - No way - he's a stockbroker. Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here! The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him. Dave: - 'Scuse me.... No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living? Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession Dave: - Oh; What's that then? Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home? Dave: - Er ... Mmm ...... Well yeah, I do as it happens! Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it? Dave: - It's in a pond! Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then? Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden. Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house? Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ...... Built it myself! Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married with a family. Dave: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children. Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis? Dave: - Yep! Five times a week! Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often? Dave: - Do what? Not me, mate! Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work! Dave: - How's that then? Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life! Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate! Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate. Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does? Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist! Stuart: - What's that then? Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish? Stuart: - Nope Dave: - Well then, you're a WANKER

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the 70's. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though God knows after how many takes. The irony is, BBC received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your pants] as you read....... This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and digbicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Miste all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks,so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny

Great view, great prices, i love it there. Regarding the music, i have often said " Oh YES ! ! i haven't heard this in ages ! " when a track comes on, there's even Beatles videos ! ! I have often stayed longer than i intended when all this great music keeps coming on. I aso like the option of sitting out on the veranda area, where the music is at a lower volume. I.E. you can get away from it if you need to. Keep up the good work.

This was my reaction to seeing them being installed, Songtaows and moto taxis have been running along this road un hindered for years and as you say old habits die hard, i feel they will not be looking for them and just carry on as usual. Even if cars stop, the bikes will just drive round them as usual, an accident waiting to happen.

Take care of your undercarriage I'm glad you didn't say "Most visitors to Pattaya come alone"

"SURE PLAYS MEAN PINBALL"

I'll be surprised if drivers take any notice of them. The B.I.B. may monitor them but only because it's a chance for them to pick up fines

Hi Dave, we've talked about this a while ago: I find that Snowman is stuck in his 'Blues' style admittedly there is some swing to it but after a while, for me, it becomes boring, Mary (Tina) is a great entertainer. The Rock Machine are one of the best bands in Pattaya, but the 'edge' seems to have gone, i know you are trying to inject some life back into what they do, i hope it succeeds, maybe six nights a week for 6 years, that i know of, are taking their toll ! As Lam said when that Phillipino band were on, the drummer seemed to make everything come to life. I think some fresh faces are called for, not replacing anyone but additional 'Guests' on a regular basis. This might inspire the house band. How about a showcase night for bands, Classic 70's rock would surely be a winner, as someone else has said : 'Free'/' Bad Company' Zeppelin - Deep Purple. E.T.C. I know the rock machine do some of this stuff, but they do seem to delve into the realms of album tracks leaving the audience wondering what they are playing ! ( or is it just me out of date ?) A good vocalist / frontman would help alot. I don't think it's the material, so much as the life in the presentation.

Ah, north east England . . . . . . Makes you proud to be . . . . . . . . . . somewhere else

It certaintly looks as if it's been touched up That sure is one dodgy hair line ! !

It was a young girl’s birthday and her dad offered to buy her the Barbie doll she wanted. “ I’ll even get you the one that comes with Ken !” “ No, no “ said the girl, she comes with G.I. Joe ! “ “ I’m sorry love, but everyone knows Barbie comes with Ken.” “ Oh no she doesn’t, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken ! “

The voice sounds a bit like Lam Morrison ! !

As you come into Jomtien down the hill from Pattaya you come to the Hanuman statue and 7/11, carry straight on here on the unmade road, it turns to the left by 'Ace cafe'. The fitness center is just along there on the left at the next corner.

The brand new Jomtien fitness center is now open, with four floors of equipment, Saunas, Steam rooms and Jacuzzis

I was staying with a couple a few years ago. We were doing the monthly shopping when she said she needed 'Man-hole covers' I had no idea what she was on about until she took a pack of sanitary towels off the shelf. That was the first and only time i had heard the phrase.

Jammed with him at Utopia a few months ago, great player, we exchanged phone numbers but i lost my phone. I hope to meet up with him again.

Tony's is expanding and will soon have 7 fitness centers in, and around Pattaya. Each facility has its own '1 visit' price, starting at 69 Baht, but after that, membership allows use of ALL gyms. There are currently many promotions running, these are listed at each location, have a look, there may be one that suits your needs.

Could be Helmut, i've played with him before, astounding player ! !

Nigel and Roddy, right? don't forget Stan, the drummer. Nigel is in the U.K. at the moment, but Stan and Roddy are here.

We have signs at all our facilities stating that if anyone has any complaints or suggestions, we want to hear them. I can personally guarantee that Tony sees every E-Mail he is sent. Only by getting feedback from customers can we hope to improve. Tony is seriously upset when he hears of incidents like this, he strives to provide the best service he can to his customers, it is not possible to please everyone all the time, but we will try our hardest to achieve the best compromise we can. Please help us to improve and make Tony’s fitness group what YOU want it to be, let us know what you like or don’t like. There are big changes coming, soon we will have 7 fitness centers in and around Pattaya. Some of you may have noticed the recently cleared plot of land next to the third road fitness center’s cardio block; tell us what you would like it to be.

Looks good Dave