Ergodyne

DEC 20th It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful. DEC 24th We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.. DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled the driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey. JAN 1st Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on my arse in the driveway. Went to a physio but nothing was broken. JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush That bastard snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel. JAN 9th More fucking snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car hit a fucking deer on the way to casualty and car was written off. JAN 13th Fucking bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little kids next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little bastards arses it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch the the driver the snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael Schufuckingmacher and buries the fucking driveway again. JAN 17th Sixteen more fucking inches of fucking snow and fucking ice and fucking sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice-pick. Can' t move my fucking toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more fucking snow forecast. JAN 18th FUCK THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON

Someone mentioned that Tuk-Com had raised there unit rent, i was in there this afternoon and noticed several stalls were closed (holiday i suspect) but several more had removed their stock and presumably relocated, to Avenue maybe.

What always got to me was going to the cinema, the box office was on one level and the cinema itself two floors up. Having got your ticket you then had to go on an adventure to try to find the entrance. Maybe it will end us as an elaborate condo complex.

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so, i went into a pharmacy to buy a packet. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked If i knew how to wear one. I answered honestly, “No, this is my first time.” So she unwrapped the package, took one out, and slipped it over her Thumb. She told me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty; it was, “Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door, to lock it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it, she then unhooked her bra and laid it aside. “Do these excite You?” She asked. I was so dumb-struck that all i could do was nod my head. She then told me to slip the condom on. As i was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties, and positioned herself on a desk, spread her legs. ”Come on”, she said, “We don't have much time.” So I climbed on her; It was so wonderful, that unfortunately i could not hold on for long, i was done within a few moments. She looked at me with a bit of a frown. “Did you put that condom on? “ she asked. “I sure did,” I replied, and proudly held up my thumb to show her. That’s when she beat the shit out of me.......

Excellent ! ! !

That's just plane silly ! Is that why they call it the cockpit ? I see the flaps are down for cumming in to land. Boeing, Boeing, gone. O.K. I'll stop . . . . . . . . . . . . (nice undercarriage )

Yes, i agree too: I'm not saying it was the case in this instance, there is no evidence, that we are aware of, to support it, but if someone is stupid enough to use a motor vehicle while intoxicated, what happens to them, is self inflicted but when someone else is injured or killed as a result, that is a totally different matter.

Public displays of affection are frowned upon in Thai culture.

Jane was very proud of her bush and took great care of it, everyone agreed it was the best in town. The same cannot be said about Wendy !

"When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar, and I'd come back with five pounds of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three pints of milk, a pound of cheese, a box of tea, and a half a dozen eggs. You can't do that now. Too many fuckin' security cameras."

I like Chang, but as you say i have noticed a variation from place to place. I find it too much for drinking all night so usually opt for 'Leo' when in can get it.

I think the answer is gold, flip flops but of course, they must match !

Saw him last night, coming out of Friendship supermarket on Pattaya Tai, (not in costume)

Sent to me in an E-Mail 'sauce' unknown, in fact i don't care where they came from or how old they are i find them amusing. Test answers from 16 year old students, intended for amusement only, not to be taken seriously ! (Happy now Joe ?) Q. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon? A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed. Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.) Q. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!) Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true!) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death. Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. (WTF!) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!) Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby. Q. What is the most common form of birth control? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'. A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome . Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!) Q. What is a terminal illness? A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable!) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas. Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant) Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head Edited to remove nationality, happy now Bruce ?

A teacher at a High School in ROMFORD ESSEX asks one of her brightest students to use the word "handsome" in a sentence. The girl, named Latisha says, "Sometimes when I be suckin' Leroy's Soul Pole, my jaw gets sore and I haft'a use my handsome." The quality of our educational system sometimes brings a tear to your eye !

What would you consider a good monthly price for a motel style room ? Cable T.V. Air con, shower with hot water, e.t.c.

Normally i like the guy, course, down to earth Aussie humour, but this time . . . . . . . well; watch it until the end and i think you'll understand what i mean. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBFLsIOah-E