atlas2

The catholic church has banned erasers now??

OK Pope Jokes…….. My Favourite…... The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle in the Vatican. The Cardinals were lounging around…. Cardinal Sinn was leafing through 'Titbits'. The Pope was stuck on the last word…… He was walking up and down alternately scratching his head under his zucchetto and sucking on his pencil. This went on for ten minutes until one of the cardinals asked what he was stuck on? The Pope sighed and said, "Feminine term……..4 letters………ending in... U.N.T ??" After a pause………….. Cardinal Sinn looks up from his copy of 'Titbits' and says……"Aunt" "Oh shit!" says the Pope, " Anyone got a rubber?"

5555 As for the World Cup…….I think it's brought the Americans and Europeans on the board a little closer together.

Na! The shit hit the fan ……….after it broke ……and just hung there!!

I was attacked by a fan yesterday…….This is true…. I was sitting in a restaurant having breakfast and heard this mighty bang and crash….I thought the TV had fallen off the wall. When I looked, (after ducking) one of the plastic blades of the fan put near to me had cracked and sheared off from the others….. in doing so the force had knocked the front guard out….. both pieces were inches from Shatlas2!! Had this been an American or even perhaps an English fan I could have claimed trauma and sued. Being a Thai fan I helped clear up.

Funny word 'rooting'…….I gather you mean cheering them on…….. Having left The WC early... to cheer myself up I shall be 'rooting' for England on Sunday. Probably in The Telephone bar.

It's 50/50 in my opinion………And give me a 50/50 choice there's a 90% chance I'll choose the wrong one. I'm going for Argentina…..Even though our last war with them is more recent. I feel Germany would have preferred to play Holland because they consider the Dutch are intimidated by Germany's historical dominance, just as the English are, (in football). Argentina however, shares exactly the same 'inferiority complex' as Germany…….ie they feel everyone is inferior to them. The Germans don't panic………The Argentinians are ruthless and have Messi. I feel Germany are the better team, but not by much. I feel Messi is the difference. I couldn't believe I was plumping for them against Brazil………But now I want Argentina to succeed ……. Messi is a great player. He's honest and fair. Apart from maybe a low centre of gravity he has no physical advantages. He's a super player. He's Superman to Maradona's Bizzaro. (You have to have read the comics as a kid to get that comparison). I'd like to see Messi eclipse Maradona in Argentinian and the worlds's eyes. He needs a great final to do that. If he has one Argentina will win. If he doesn't then the Germans will win and be insufferable……. and Maradona will be toking to himself….. his place and hand in history secure.

The Thai commentators are already questioning Gaal's decision. Let's hope RVP was injured. Poor Holland. But the final will be more exciting. Roll on Sunday.

Taking off his No1 penalty taker, RVP thereby forgoing the chance to bring on his star penalty saver is a crucial call for the Dutch manager……..let's see..

Great report as always…….. Whereas the very name 'Seaside Restaurant' would have told me what to expect……..(and is in fact OK if you just fancy a greasing up), I do sometimes find myself in need of an oil-change at a decent plate smasher……!! On what you say and Bigmick…...I'll give this one a go. Evil….It may be hard to judge but do you ever think your camera and questions impact on the service, quantity or quality of food you receive? Do these owners wonder at your interest? Are you remembered………?

I agree ………..Rolf Harris had a better defence than Brazil!!

A collective brainfart.

'Brazilian' once synonymous with the word football…….. I hope they can show some resilience in the 2nd half. Otherwise after this, all that's left and will come to mind is…... a pubic trim.

If— If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same I'm feeling sorry for the Brazilians now………All their past triumphs will fade after this disaster……….But so will Germany's in the final.

Well It's the middle of the bloody night and I find myself back in my indentation on the sofa…………As a kid I would have plumped for Brazil. They were the good guys……Romantic football, extravagant skills……There was an 'otherworldliness' to their play. They put up with our train robbers for years too……Incidentally, those thieves got less from their heist than an England footballer gets paid a month …. (they rightly sent the England team home after a week …...Brazil don't tolerate con-artists impersonating footballers it seems). But The English Premier league, being stuffed with the best players from around the world…..including Brazilians….. and seeing them play week in and week out instead of every 4 years has destroyed some of the romance. Not quite a case of familiarity breeding contempt but getting there……. Anyway it's just starting and I'm plumping for the Jermans…..

Paddy says to his wife……'I'm after we try de wheelbarrow position t'dey?' "And what's 'dat 'den Paddy?" enquires Mary, his wife. "Well ye go on all fours like, and I pick yer legs up like a wheelbarrow d'yer see?." After a long pause……Mary shrugs her shoulders and says, "OK……But I'm not going down passed me mother's house !!"

I always count a ball that hits the post unfortunate. No one says a ball that just scrapes in was fortunate. Near Misses are misses but there is an element of luck good or bad in all 3.

Phew! Pleased for the Dutch…... Deserved that win. Costa Rica……..Pop 4 million!! No standing Army…… Pushed us out and took Holland…..(The world's biggest army…... in height ) all the way. A loss by penalties counts as a draw on the manager's record…... Hope they get heroes reception back home…...

A mate got his this week…….said, 'fastest ever'……collected next day.

No apology necessary … as I said I agree it's great when a ref let's it flow…..This time though it smacked of dereliction of duty. I'm watching the game again now. It's a shame about Neymar you always want the best players fit and able to take part. The French lost Ribery which helped the Germans and now Brazil lose their best player. I think Germany will go through.

I like to see Ref's let the game flow to…..But…. Here's another view of that……… Also remember that our romantic view of Brazilian football should consider they have the highest number of Red cards of any country in WC history. (Reuters) - Colombia were kicked out of the World Cup by a bruising Brazil team who committed 31 fouls and stretched the laws of the game to the limits on their way to a 2-1 quarter-final win on Friday. Spanish referee Carlos Velasco stood by and watched as Colombia, who have delighted the world with flowing, attacking soccer were drawn into a kicking match by the hosts who were clearly intent on stopping their opponents playing by any means. Velasco waited for 41 fouls to be committed before pulling out his first yellow card, well into the second half, and his leniency allowed Brazil carte blanche to freely use tactical fouling in midfield. Colombia playmaker James Rodriguez, arguably the top player in the tournament, took a fearful battering as Brazil adopted a rotation system in which players took it in turns to foul him. To add insult to injury, Rodriguez was one of four players booked in the 54-foul match. Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar was lucky to escape a red card for a legs-first foul on Carlos Bacca which led to the penalty that Rodriguez converted for Colombia's 80th minute goal. At times, the match looked like a bad day in the Libertadores Cup, the South American equivalent of the Champions League which has a turbulent history of violence and skullduggery. Although Brazil were the main perpetrators, Colombia also got involved, more out of necessity than choice, and it was Neymar who came off worse, suffering a fractured vertebrae that the team doctor said had ruled him out of the World Cup. The Brazil forward was carried off on a stretcher near the end and taken to hospital, crying in pain after receiving a knee in the back from Colombia defender Juan Camilo Zuniga who, in a sadly familiar routine, escaped without a booking. Brazil's performance, which has set up a semi-final against Germany, bore the hallmarks of their coach Luiz Felipe Scolari, who was criticized in the run-up to the match after his players exposed their nerves during the second round win over Chile. Scolari has mellowed over the years but won a certain amount of notoriety during his club career in Brazil for the methods used by his teams. MORE FOULS During a stint with Cruzeiro, he noted that his team gave away an average of 25 fouls per match but said that was one of the lowest numbers in the Brazilian championship at the time. When he was at Palmeiras, there was uproar after a television crew outside the changing room recorded a private team talk in which he urged his players to kick a member of the opposing team. The man known as "Big Phil" also used other tactics such as throwing spare balls on to the field to disrupt an opposing team's attacks. Scolari was certainly not alone and there was a period in Brazilian soccer around 10 years ago where some coaches believed that committing more fouls than the opposition was the key to winning the game. Many of Scolari's contemporaries came to regard fouls as a tactical resource rather than an infringement of the laws of the game. Since returning for a second stint as Brazil coach in November 2012, Scolari has once again got his team playing to the limits of the law. When his side thrashed Spain 3-0 in the Confederations Cup final last year, they managed to commit 26 fouls without receiving a single yellow card. FIFA's refereeing head Massimo Busacca told Reuters in an interview in November that referees should nip the problem in the bud if they sensed a team were using tactical fouls. "If you realize in the first 10 minutes that the coach has prepared the game (plan) in that way, you have to understand what is happening and... you have to do something," he said. "This is what we expect from top referees... to understand how the coach prepared the game, respect the other team and say now we have to stop this type of play." But the message clearly did not get through to Velasco and raised questions as to why FIFA picked a European referee to officiate at a game between two South American teams in conditions he did not seem to be familiar with.

Back on topic…….The World Cup has shown that the shoe is on the other foot as regards to who exactly needs the game explained to them…..The English I'm afraid.

Two chaps without them, (chaps…..I explain the joke these days you see) and wearing 'sheep-shaggers'………..I see your confusion. But do you all really insist that we must use your expressions for the game and in the language we gave you? OK I'll go along with it for today. But you have to promise to sing 'Get you're fix on rout 66' You can't have it both ways!

Thank you for, 'putting-the-boot-into my 'joke'……..God I might have to explain or change…..'Putting-the-boot-in' now.

OK I'll get rid of that with a 'rubber' I just got out my 'American to Thai into English dictionary' …..The girls have been saying, 'I'm not much of a cleat' I thought they were saying 'clot' I took it as a complement……OMG!