VPI78

They can be entertaining though ...

A woman dies and goes to heaven. She arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by Saint Peter. There are a few people waiting, so she strikes up a conversation with him. Just then, she hears a blood curdling scream! "What was that?" she asks." Oh, don't worry about that," says Saint Peter, "It's just someone getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their halo. A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even more terrible than the one before. "What was that?!" she asked anxiously. "Oh, don't worry;" says Saint Peter soothingly, "It's just someone getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their wings." The woman starts to back away. "Where are you going?" asks Saint Peter. "I think I'll go downstairs, if it's all the same to you," she says. "But you can't go there," says the saint, "You'll be raped and sodomized!" "That's OK," says the woman, "I've already got the fucking holes for that."

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While e route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness as he suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100; the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. - HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. - HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. - HE paid for your football season ticket. - HE paid for our house at the lake. - HE paid for your African safari and even the 4 x 4. - HE paid for our country club membership, and he even pays my Credit Card bill!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a fuckin cold.’

It's almost a sure bet in the US these days when a 'miracle' anti-viral hits the market. Lately the ambulance chasers have been trolling for 'Truvada' last year's miracle HIV drug. Let's hope the china virus vaccines don't follow the script.

While in china, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the time he is there. A week after arriving back home in california, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it." The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc." The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies, "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice." The next day, the man seeks out a chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease." The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My regular witch doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid california docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!" "Oh, Thank you!" the man replies. "Yes," says the chinese doctor, "wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"