Braveheart

I remember that one as well, another oldie but goodie.

That goes double for the dickheads that book 4 different hotels for the same night.

That is a good point as many places will automatically include those dinners and parties in the cost of the room and you will not be given an option. This happened to my friend last year when he stayed at Penthouse.

Welcome to the board Bushi. I spent the holidays in Pattaya last year and had the time of my life. I attended parties at FLB on both Christmas and New Year's eve last year and had the time of my life. Pattaya is anything but slow over the holidays and hopefullty I will be there for them again this year.

Midnight.

All things come to those who wait. Sometimes it takes a bit more time than others. Weekends are usually the worst because places like the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and Interpol don't have full staff available. Once everything checks out with them they have to run it through Mossad, NKVD and the Chinese. Only after passing the scrutiny of all of these agencies will you be given your magic ring and allowed into the inner sanctum. In other words don't fret it shouldn't take too long, Pete's probably busy or unavailable.

No problems with any of those things. I'm certain you will enjoy it there.

I stayed there in May/June and had no problems at all. It is in a newer building, clean and well looked after. Housekeeping service daily. Clean sheets and towels. Minibar. In room safe. TV and DVD player in room. Large wardrobe. Kettle for making coffee or tea. The corner room that I stayed in on the top floor (Rm #10) had a good sized wraparound balcony as well. In room WIFI for those that bring their laptops. In the lobby they have a decent bar (w/BGs), a large screen TV and 4 well looked after pool tables. There is also a free internet computer in the lobby that guests can use. There are frequently a few FLs hanging around as well. The location is fine just around the corner is Lolita's, Champagne AGG and Lloydies bar. There are plenty of cheap places to eat nearby and many beer bars on Soi Buakhaow and Soi Diana. Most services are also available within a couple of minutes walk and it only takes about 10-15 minutes to walk to Soi 8 depending on how quickly you walk. On Soi Buakhaow you can also catch a baht bus going in either direction and you will end up on either end of 2nd road. Since I left there they have changed ownership and Ian & Aor no longer run the place, Dennis the new owner seems to be an OK guy and I have chatted briefly with him on another board. As far as I know he is not planning any major changes but he is willing to listen to his customers. The one drawback that many people have with the apartments is that the electricity goes out when you remove the key card from the plate and then you are unable to charge phones or laptop batteries and you cannot leave the AC on when you go out. The old policy was that if you cut the card off of the keychain then you forfeited your 1000 bt damage deposit. I do not know if Dennis still has this policy in effect or not. I'll take a look through my pics and post some for you.

Welcome to the board seashark.

BA = British Airlines

A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks. ”From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." ”When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night." The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, “Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to screw. After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!" “What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks. ”More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"

A few little known facts for you... 1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "goodnight, sleep tight" came from. 2. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. It was developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications. 3. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. 4. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 5. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka. 6. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. 7. In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license. 8. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. 9. The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1. 10. The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. 11. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined. 12. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon." 13. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So,in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's." 14. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle," is the phrase inspired by this practice. And last but not least... 15. In ancient England, you could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King & the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from. Don't you feel smarter???

How about a beer at a bar in a dark alley.....

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%? If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: HARDWORK 8, 1, 18, 4, 23, 15, 18, 11 = 98% KNOWLEDGE 11, 14, 15, 23, 12, 5, 4, 7, 5 = 96% But, ATTITUDE 1, 20, 20, 9, 20, 21, 4, 5 = 100% And, BULLSHIT 2, 21, 12, 12, 19, 8, 9, 20 = 103% So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top. But, look how far ass kissing will take you. ASSKISSING 1, 19, 19, 11, 9, 19, 19, 9, 14, 7 = 118% There are some great examples of this at the company I am currently working for.

Until I see a credible account in an accredited news source I will treat this as fiction. Which is probably why none of the newspapers have picked it up.

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husbands' cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted ..

The 5th grade science teacher asked her class, "which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered for a long time till little Mary stood up, angry, and said the teacher should not be asking 5th graders a question like that. She was going to tell her parents, who would tell the principal who would fire the teacher! The teacher ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Finally Billy stood up and said that the body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye. The teacher said "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and said, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: 1) you have a dirty mind, 2) you didn't read your homework, and 3) one day you will be very, very disappointed.

We want to see everyone's ones holiday pics from the cultural capital of the wo... Oops I got sidetracked. Yes we want to see everyone's Pattaya pics and hear their stories as well. Even yours! Welcome to the board Game420.

Q. Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving. Q. What's the difference between Mayonnaise and semen? A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at thirty miles an hour. Q. Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning? A. Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? Q. Why don't pygmies wear tampons? A. They keep stepping on the strings. Q. How do you piss off a female archeologist?? A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from. Q. Why are Women's feet shorter than men's feet? A. So they can stand closer to the sink. Q. How can you tell a macho woman? A. She rolls her own tampons. Bumper Sticker: Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole. Q. Why did God give men penises? A. So they'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up! Q. How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? A. All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

Q. Why do hunters make the best lovers? A. Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot. Q. Why do Italians wear moustaches? A. So they can look like their mother. Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse? A. The one with the dirty knees. Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side. Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use lubricant. Q. What do you get when you cross two Black people? A. Your ass kicked! Q. A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits? A. The blonde, because she's 18. Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint? A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again! Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A. A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it. Q. What's the best thing about a blow job from an Ethiopian woman? A. You know she'll swallow. Q. How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A. The best ones squirt when you eat them. Q. What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales? A. White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....."; Black fairy tales start, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit....." Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist? A. No one to talk to during orgasm. Q. What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth? A. Einstein's cock. Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A. A mechanic! Q. What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest? A. Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age. Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A. Marry it! Q. Why does the bride always wear white? A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. 8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped. 9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information. 10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. 11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell. 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager. 13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

And we can't wait to see them and hear about your trip. Welcome to the board Dreamweaver.

Thank God he didn't burp!

You are not crashing at my pad after a night out! Don't even ask!