DAYS IN THE LIFE OF A PATTAYA HOTEL OWNER

[cookie 1]

A couple of members suggested they would like to hear more from me although I understand several thousand of you wish to hear less - I have, however, always supported minority groups!! I believe the reason for the request was to learn more about the trials and tribulations of running an hotel here in Pattaya. Well, as and when time permits, I will endeavour to post a JASMINE MANSION DIARY on here and whilst on occasions I may be prone to exaggerate I will keep within the bounds of honesty.

 

Any names used in the diary will be fictitious to protect the innocent or the guilty whichever they may be. I hope that over the next few months this will be a record of events that shows you just what it is like from the other side of this particular fence.

 

Let’s start on 24th October, 07:15 a.m. with me in bed at our house in Nong Yai (East Pattaya across the other side of Suhkumvit from Bangkok Pattaya hospital). My mobile phone is ringing and as much as I try to convince myself it is simply in my dream the reality, like a new day, eventually dawns. I answer the phone to have some Thai woman shouting at me that one of our customers does drugs, has not paid for them, has left bar bills unpaid from last night and that there are Thai mafia heading to the hotel to kill him!! Excellent, top stuff to be hearing whilst one is still 90% asleep. As I have been woken it is simply unfair that Mrs. Boss should still be permitted the luxury of residing in the land of nod so I wake her and relate the tale whilst giving her the phone to call this lady back.

 

Mrs. Boss speaks with our lady caller and decides we need to head immediately to the hotel to see exactly what is going on. We arrive to the usual 08:00 serenity and bemused looking staff. Anyway we are here now and there is no point going back to bed so after 6 hours sleep we are at work for another full day. Later in the day we talk to the guest concerned who is mystified by these accusations and can only suggest that this is a far fetched tale invented by a jealous ex GF!!

 

With the exception of an air conditioning unit breaking down in one of our rooms the rest of the day is largely uneventful. Guests check in and check out, one or two extend their stay, the Café continues its general trend of increasing business day by day. It is now 21:55, almost time to close up the Café and go home – by now my ageing body is yearning for the comfort of my bed so imagine my delight as 4 customers come in and ask if the restaurant is still open! Well lads business is business so a quick smile appears as I say “certainly”. They order a lot of food, all Thai dishes, and by the time they have departed and everything cleared away I am in the car going home at midnight! Mrs. Boss and I have just completed another 16 hour day.

 

25th October and the alarm goes off at 07:00 as it is the cooks day off so Mrs. Boss and I have to be in before 08:00 to attend to the cooking. I do the farang food and she any Thai dishes – of course today is the busiest day since the last day off the cook had, funny how it always happens this way! Of course today every order, even from Thai ladies, is for farang food so I am tied to the kitchen for 6 hours before there is any respite. Not complaining though as I do enjoy cooking although it is in the best interests of every one to stay out of my way whilst I am ‘in the zone’!!

 

The air conditioning repair contractors have still not arrived by mid afternoon. Mrs. Boss has now called the normal contractor we use for a third time as well as two other companies we know. The usual bucket load of promises follows but I am not holding my breath. I now have to assume they will not be here today and try to find an alternative room for the guest tonight if, as I expect, the AC is not fixed today.

 

We waken one guest from his slumbers “Mr. Smith it is 13:00, your taxi is here”. A mad panic ensues as he tries to get out of the hotel before the illegally parked mini van pulls away with its cargo of fuming departing holidaymakers. He settles his account, offers rather more for the late check out than we want so we agree to give the balance to the staff as his tip and off he goes. 10 minutes later he is back, he booked the taxi for the wrong day, his flight is not until tomorrow. The look on the faces of his fellow mini bus passengers has cheered me up no end!!

 

I have spent 20 minutes explaining to one of my staff that a booking from 20th November to 27th November is for 7 nights. She will not have it – no boss it is 8 nights. I have been through this with her using the calendar and counting the nights off very, very slowly. I feel my life ebbing away, I want to shout at her but I know I cannot do that, she will cry and then she will go home never to return!! I bite my tongue, I go through it for the 20th time and eventually she says “OK boss if you say so…………..but I still think it is 8”. What makes this a tad more infuriating is that we have a computer system that works all of this out so she is not just arguing with me she is claiming the bloody computer has got it wrong as well!!

 

Mrs. Boss is off to see her mother for a few days in Udonthani tonight so I am now shattered and looking forward to 5 days of non stop work. In order to prepare for this I am going out with my pal John for a few drinks tonight so I can concentrate tomorrow whilst nursing a hangover!!!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED……………………..

[wacmedia 277]

Hi,

 

You and Hammers posts give a good insight into how difficult it is in LOS if you are catering for the public and having to deal with staff. Still I would have a go if the chance presents itself.

[farangkwaiyai 46]

I have spent 20 minutes explaining to one of my staff that a booking from 20th November to 27th November is for 7 nights. She will not have it – no boss it is 8 nights. I have been through this with her using the calendar and counting the nights off very, very slowly. I feel my life ebbing away, I want to shout at her but I know I cannot do that, she will cry and then she will go home never to return!! I bite my tongue, I go through it for the 20th time and eventually she says “OK boss if you say so…………..but I still think it is 8”. What makes this a tad more infuriating is that we have a computer system that works all of this out so she is not just arguing with me she is claiming the bloody computer has got it wrong as well!!

 

LMAO I suppose she wants to be paid for 8 nights when she works 7?? Best of agreeing with her, but say everyone gets a day discount. The arguament will be over and she'll relise she was right after all

[nus01 305]

Hi Kevin

 

Your lifes not about to get any easier

, I'm arriving on the 24/12/2006

 

It was actually through the good reviews your place recieved on this board that i heard about Jasmine Mansion.

 

Although your checkout story was ammusing , it made me think shit i better check my own dates.

 

Please tell your staff they are free to wake me and warn me if they get the call that the mafia is coming to slit my throat

 

Look foward to meeting you

 

 

Cheers

 

David

[ben99 0]

Cookie - I'll be looking forward to every update - really enjoyed that

[Monkeh 0]

Good read

 

Look forward to the next installment

[Shuggy 8]

Great stuff Kevin. Its even funnier cause i can actually picture you standing at reception with one of your staff trying to explain that 7 day stay, trying to stay patient with steam starting to eb out through your ears.

 

Don't pull too much hair out mate. You can't afford to lose much more.

 

(I know, like I can talk)

[guido13 0]

Very good and enjoyable read. Thanks for posting.

 

 

Guido

[glynbuk 29]

great stuff and i too look forward to reading more

[rainsberger 0]

Hello Kevin my good friend, did not know you had it that easy makes me think i would

like to try some of that and see if i like it (joke joke).

Great stuff Kevin will be looking forward to next report, do know you and Jin work

very hard at the Jasmine and i can understand why it is becoming very popular.

Keep up the good work Kevin but please try and get some well earned sleep.

Dave.

[EnglishPaul 3]

Welcome different post

Interesting and amusing

Thanks

[growler 0]

Basil,

 

Sorry I mean Cookie,

You need to hire a Spanish waiter to make things run smoothly?

[cookie 1]

Issue 2

 

Yes dealing with the public can be frustrating but it can also be a very joyous thing. Everyone is different and what may please some will likely displease others. Take this week for instance when on Thursday I have a customer wanting to leave because the bed is not comfortable enough – he could not sleep. The room is almost immediately re-sold and the following day the new customer spends 10 minutes telling me how comfortable the bed is and it is the best night’s sleep he has had in years! Of course, neither customer is right and neither wrong – they are merely expressing a personal preference but as a service provider you do sometimes feel as though you just cannot win.

 

With Mrs. Boss away in Udon this week I have had a busier than usual time of it. This is compounded by my having two nights out with friends and nursing the inevitable hangovers that follow. I still have to get up at 08:00 despite wishing I could just go into a corner and die. I have to be polite, chatty, smile, listen to customers all of those things that may normally come naturally but on hangover days are quite simply one chore too many!! I have taken myself off a couple of times and gone and done some painting and grouting of bathroom tiles to satisfy myself I am working whilst staying out of the public eye.

 

I started typing this diary entry and then half way through went for a quick coffee break returning to find the computer doing a wonderful impersonation of a Dodo. Down on hands and knees pulling out plugs, putting them back in again all to no avail. My computer guy comes in and takes everything to pieces before telling me my mother is bored! So, who cares, what has that got to do with my bloody computer problem? “Your Mother Bored, Your Mother Bored” he exclaims. Yes she may well be bored but it was her choice to go and live in fucking Inverness so that is the price she has to pay, now what about the computer!! Of course he was telling me the mother board had gone and needed replacing – great another B2500 out the window! This is not helping my banging head at all.

 

The cook now tells me of various items she needs from the shops. Wonderful as I went to Friendship three hours ago and got everything on her list – now I have to go again. I start to ask why she did not put these items on the earlier list but think better of it; I just do not have the energy to go there. This is really not helping my banging head!!

 

I believed after a real pain of a year in staffing terms we were now sorted. Good people in all positions at last, all getting to work on time and all doing a good job without me having to chivvy them along. I am then told one of the room maids has to leave for an unknown period of time, days, weeks, months who knows. Her mum has a shop but cannot run it and the shop assistant they had has quit so the daughter has to return home to run the shop. I really don’t need this, not today. I talk to the girl and try to ascertain how much money the shop makes and believe it to be around B1000 per week profit, it is only a little local store in her village. I explain that this is less than half her salary; would it not make sense to simply close the shop until a new assistant can be found and stay here working. The total look of bemusement on her face tells me I have traveled alone down this particular road!!! This is really, really not helping my hangover.

 

I return to grouting the bathroom tiles, now I am hung-over and angry. As I start to calm down and go into my own little world the room phone rings, Shit I say as I am jolted back to reality and then promptly bang my head, hard, on the underside of the wash hand basin!! Now my head is splitting.

 

Oh well it is now Saturday, football on the T.V. tonight, no going out drinking and Mrs. Boss will be back in a couple of days.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…..

[thegrogmonster 110]

With the amount of hotels I have stayed in for both work and holidays there is not one night that I have ever had any problems sleeping due to the hardness of the bed.

 

Maybe ensuring that I always have a couple of drinks each night might have helped.

[monkeyspanker 0]

will try not to add to you tales in 3 weeks

see ya then

note

remember i got number of nights wrong as well

[ranger 0]

Great insight and very funny posts.

 

Enjoyed the food at your place whilst staying around the

corner at the cock and bull last trip and will return.

 

I prefer to stay in your area and I am may well

stay at the Jasmine Mansion next trip.

 

But with all the great reviews you are receiving I may struggle

to get a room, I`ll have to get my arse in order and will make

a reservation as soon as I confirm the flight dates.

 

I hope you keep up the hotel diary, I for one look forward

to the next entery.

[grego 0]

Good Story Mr Boss i am woundering with staff member got dates wrong,hope you enjoyed your yellow Tail Shiraz Grego

[Braveheart 0]

I understand your trials and tribulations but I'm sorry that I am unable to get the visions of John Cleese (Basil Fawlty) and the staff of Fawlty Towers out of my head. Your tales could easily each be an episode as normal and everyday as they are.

 

I wish you success and look forward to reading more of your adventures.

[Kev 178]

Hey Cookie,

 

Even though I haven't stayed at the Jasmine I find reading your diaries very amusing.

 

I reckon you could make a great Thai mini series "Jasmine Mansion", based on the lines of Melrose Place or even Fawlty Towers as Braveheart pointed out.

 

[Fonz 0]

Hi Cookie some great stories.Seems like a one armed wallpaper hanger has nothing on you.

Braveheart did you know that John Cleese only got paid 800 pound for doing the Fawlty Towers series.

[cookie 1]

ISSUE 3

 

Well although only early days for November the award for Jasmine Mansions complete tosspot of the month has already been decided. Yes, this month the crown of biggest idiot working at the hotel is bestowed on me!! I was, as you will know from the last posting, taking care of redecorating the bathroom doors and re-grouting the tiles as part of this years annual redecoration programme. Nothing too stressful, something I can potter on with and be in and out of a room in a few hours. Well that was the plan!

 

I was happily getting on with the bathroom door in one room, finished the outside and moved to do the inside of the door. Instead of moving the small table I had for the paint pot to stand on into the bathroom I decided a much better plan would be to stand the 2.5 gallon tin of paint in the bathroom wash hand basin. Now OK it did not fit, it was balanced precariously and obviously under normal circumstances it was going to topple over. These, however, were not normal circumstances, it was ME doing this and, as such, the laws of physics were naturally going to be suspended. The laws of physics duly suspended themselves for 10 seconds before 2.5 gallons of gloss enamel paint was seen to be gurgling its way down the wash hand basin plug hole! Several hours and several litres of white spirit later the complete mess I had made of the bathroom, the wash hand basin and, resultantly, myself was finally cleared up – now that was an excellent time saving move wasn’t it?

 

This incident, however, throws up a question that is now bugging me. Why is it, when the entire planet appears to have adopted the metric system, that paint is still sold in gallons and fractions thereof? What is it about paint that makes it different from all other liquids? Apart, that is, from its inability to flow quite as freely through our plumbing system as most other liquids!

 

Mrs. Boss returned refreshed from her week’s holiday in Udonthani and was back at the helm for almost 5 minutes before yelling at all of the staff. Whilst she is away I try to content myself with cajoling them into action, and using the word PLEASE until I have almost worn it out, in the knowledge that anything more vociferous will lead to them departing. She has them all down on their hands and knees with little beakers of cleaning fluid and a toothbrush scrubbing away at the grouting round the lobby area floor tiles – it looked like some heinous punishment being dished out on the women’s wing of the Bangkok Hilton!! She yells at them, she threatens them with the sack and they just get on with their job and are here the next day and the next etc. Now if, as a farang, I were to be 10% as abusive they would not take it – funny old world isn’t it?

 

Several people talk to me about coming to live here and open a business. They want my advice, which I am usually happy to impart although with the caveat that everything I say is should be regarded as complete bollocks.

 

My opinion is that as a place to simply live, holiday or retire to then Thailand is very difficult to beat. As a place to run a business it does, however, leave a lot to be desired. There is not the same level of bureaucracy here as in many more “advanced” countries but the level of complete ineptitude and incompetence is sometimes beyond belief. Staffing is always going to be your biggest headache closely followed by getting anyone in to do works that is (i) remotely competent and (ii) likely to turn up in order for you to gauge their competency. It has taken us two years to find a selection of contractors who pass as both competent and reliable and the same period to find a handful of good and honest employees.

 

Having got your staff and trained them you then quickly realise that what you taught them today has to be repeated the next day, the day after that and, well, every other bloody day. There must be some sort of short term memory problem affecting these delightful people.

 

What I still find most frustrating and annoying though is that when they want to finish with the job or they are unwell there is no attempt to contact you or tell you – they just do not appear. We have twice monthly staff meetings and in every one since November 2004 I have said PLEASE if you are sick just call the hotel and tell us you are not coming to work – it is not like they do not all have mobile phones is it? In addition if you are going to leave the job then give us some notice, a couple of weeks would be nice, a month fantastic but a week at the very least would be fine – never happens. Then in almost 90% of cases the person concerned gets back in touch with Mrs. Boss a few months later and wants her job back, no explanation as to why she left, no apologies, in fact, it is as though nothing had every happened – it must be that short term memory thingy again!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED……

Edited November 2, 2006 by cookie

[galt67 2]

Thanks for the excellent REAL-LIFE stories of a business owner in Thailand.

 

Unfortunately FAR, FAR too many after vacationing in the Kingdom quickly develop ideas of 'starting a business' (usually a bar) and discovering how INCREDIBLY difficult it can be.

 

Especially keeping it PROFITABLE over the long term.

[Cennn3 0]

A very good read, keep up the good work.

[short 215]

This is a great read Cookie. I hope you will continue the series. Reality really is more interesting than fantasy.

[cookie 1]

ISSUE 4

 

First of all let me say thanks for the positive comments on my “diary” received to date; this does rather encourage me to continue therefore you now know how to shut me up!!

 

It is only when something happens that I am inspired to write this diary and really you could not make this stuff up. Pattaya, however, tends to provide a plethora of events that set me heading off to the keyboard and I wanted to do this one immediately whilst the entire conversation was still fresh in my mind.

 

Earlier today a customer calls me in to the internet office saying the computer is not working. I go into the internet office and over to the PC he is on and it is connected to the internet and has the Hotmail log in page open.

 

“What exactly is the problem Sir” I say

 

“The bloody computer is broken” he replies

 

“Well, er, no it does not appear to be broken Sir otherwise you would not have the page displayed and the cursor flickering away’

 

“No the bloody thing is broken, I cannot access my e-mails”

 

“OK Sir let’s see if I can help. Can you enter your user name and password?”

 

Sir duly enters these and presses ENTER and immediately the message appears that an incorrect password has been entered comes up.

 

“See there it is, that proves it is broken, that has happened every time I have tried even when I come out of the internet and go back in”

 

“Well actually Sir that proves the computer is working but that you are entering an incorrect password hence the message ‘an incorrect password has been entered’ as it says on the screen”

 

“But I entered a password and it still did not let me in so it must be broken”

 

“Yes I saw you enter something into the password box but it does appear Sir that what you entered is wrong. Are you certain you have the correct password and also that your user name is correct?”

 

“Yes the user name is right but I do not remember the actual password as it is on a piece of paper I left at home so I enter some letters”

 

“Oh I see Sir, you do not know your password then?”

 

“No but that’s not the point is it? The bloody computer is not letting me in because the shitty thing is broken”

 

“Yes Sir it is very much the point. This is your e-mail account and in order to access it you have to enter the correct password. This is for your own protection as it prevents others from simply entering your user name and accessing your messages”

 

“That’s all bollocks and double talk isn’t it? You are trying to say this is my fault so I still have to pay even though your computer is not working”

 

“Well no Sir that is not the case as I have many, many things to do rather than concern myself with trying to rob a customer of B30. However, were it the fault of the computer I would tell you and change you to another machine and not charge you for the time you have been on this machine. However, it is crystal clear that the problem is not with the computer but due solely to the fact that you do not know your own password”

 

“You are just a stuck up c*** trying to rip people off and I am going to tell all my mates about this place and make sure they never come here”

 

“Well Sir I am sorry that you feel that way. However, I will not charge you for using the computer on this occasion but I would ask that when you leave you do not ever return, is that OK?”

 

“F*** you, you c***”

 

He duly departs – I can, at least, sit back in the confident knowledge that if he is going to e-mail all his friends and tell them what a nasty person I am then I have very little to worry about!!!

 

TO BE CONTINUED………..