Monkeywatch - April 2016

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to April, which is forecast to be a wet month in Pattaya. No shit, Sherlock.

 

Another Chinese tourist was the victim of a drive-by gold neck chain robbery a couple of weeks ago when, like last month, the victim had the chain snatched from around his neck by a passing motorcyclist. The tourist, a Mr Phat Phuk, was out celebrating his birthday in North Pattaya when he was robbed of the necklace, which he claimed was a Cartier and worth 250,000 baht. A street vendor later told police he’d sold the necklace to Mr Phuk for a mere 500 baht as he hadn’t realised it was so valuable.

 

Following complaints from locals, police raided an abandoned house in Naklua last week and found a couple of dozen teenagers drinking and consuming a variety of drugs. The teenagers all admitted the offences, saying they had little else to do in the evenings since the police closed down their bridge club.

 

Many businesses have collapsed in Pattaya over the years, but none quite as literally as the one in Soi VC which crashed to the ground, taking three electric poles and a quantity of electric cables with it. The building was already in the process of being demolished, so the injudicious use of a jackhammer by the Thai contractors merely speeded the process up a little. This will be of little comfort to the owner of the site who now has to pay for the contractors, the repair work to the electricity supply and a further 150,000 baht to replace the damaged poles. Just another day in paradise.

 

This fine piece of machinery is owned by a local exporter… or is it an ex-porter?..

 

 

A seminar and workshop were held last month at a Beach Road hotel aimed at promoting Muslim tourism. Reservations were expressed by some attendees, though there was an enthusiastic response from Indian tailors who are already said to be planning ahead by producing waistcoats with at least 20 pockets.

 

An employee is suspected of being responsible for a Central Road hotel room break-in which an Indian couple were robbed of 40,000 baht and an iPhone 6 …and a dozen Faberge eggs, an original painting by Matisse, the Kohinoor diamond, the Ark of the Covenant and a signed copy of the Koran. Police are making further enquiries before the submission of the insurance claim.

 

Better still, a local publication carried a story entitled ‘Indian Businessman Stolen In Pattaya Hotel’. Audacious theft or misprint? Probably the latter, as it’s hard to imagine that there’s much demand for them on the black market.

 

Pattaya has set up its own system to search for extra-terrestrials. Curiously, the detection units seem to be pointing towards the streets…

 

 

Bar news now, and the last month has seen Infinity A Go Go close then reopen under new management. Bliss A Go Go opened as planned to keep the numbers up but then both Gentlemen’s Club and the Sea on Soi Diamond shut up shop to keep them down again. Even Champion A Go Go has gone south, though literally in this case, as it’s moved from its time honoured location on Walking Street to Soi Lucky Star and to a further location on Soho Square. And FLB Bar has reopened – as a kebab shop. The times they are a changin’.

The Chonburi Immigration Service has deported a man back to Russia following a request from the Russian Embassy. The man was described as a Russian mobster wanted for corruption, fraud, drugs, prostitution and money laundering. Or, to put it another way, a Russian.

 

After years of threats about low-hanging signs in Walking Street, City Hall have finally taken action and sent workers in to remove the offending signage. Any sign less than 5.5 metres from the ground is to be cut down and thrown away. Sounds like the bars are going to have to find some taller hello girls.

 

On Indian reservations they have a pipe of peace. In Pattaya, they have a piece of pipe…

 

 

A Russian was punched in the face by a Thai on Beach Road after ‘rejecting’ an offer of Viagra and a sex show. When the police arrived, the Russian hid his face from photographers for fear of being recognised and attacked again, saying he didn’t want to fight anybody. Obviously not a hard man then. Perhaps he should have accepted the Viagra offer after all.

 

A couple of Arabs ended up in hospital last Tuesday after being knocked off their motorbike and mugged. A police spokesman said “This sort of thing is totally unacceptable. You can’t have people being attacked and robbed just because they’re stinking pigs”. A Middle Eastern embassy official said he welcomed the sentiment of the statement though he was a little less enthusiastic about the phraseology.

Finally, remember that incident in March when some Ruskies pretended to be zombies in a Jomtien restaurant? Well, the word is that they were filming a scene for a new restaurant-based horror movie called ‘I Spit In Your Gravy’. A likely story.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[jacko]

Great fun as usual.

[teelack]

Your monthly newsletter has the effect of making me look at Pattaya and asking myself “how would Monkey Man have reported that “. Thanks again for the time and trouble.

 

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[michaelday]

As always, a good read!

[Nightrider]

Another great take on life in sin city , cheers monkey......

[Goldpanner]

Make I larf