Monkeywatch - June 2018

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to another lap of the Pattaya track.

 

Three katoeys have been fined 2000 baht apiece for indecent behaviour after some five year old footage of them flashing their tits in public was posted on social media. Hang on a minute, katoeys are men according to Thai law, are they not? Not sure where this is going, but better keep those shirts on, lads.

 

The new boss of Pattaya’s traffic police has decreed that traffic cops will in future have to start work at the earlier time of 6:30am so they are on duty when the morning rush starts. Good idea – the rush of tourists going back to their rooms at that time can be a bloody nightmare.

 

Local authorities have warned swimmers to stay off Bang Saray Beach. This would seem to be good advice as the swimming experience is definitely enhanced when one leaves the beach and gets into the water.

 

Wonder what Car SOS would make of this…

 

 

(For those who don’t know, Car SOS is a Brit TV series in which classic cars are restored to their former glory by a failed drummer and an irritating homosexual.)

 

An Indian bloke who told police he’d been beaten up by Thai mafia on Pattaya beach is to be prosecuted and deported for working illegally in the country. A race relations spokesman said “If these stinking pigs think they can come to this country and slander our law-abiding citizens, they can bloody well think again.” There’s a lesson we can all learn from this, but we’re buggered if we know what it is.

 

A Pattaya motorbike taxi driver has been fined 500 baht for kicking a German tourist in the face. The driver said he’d actually wanted to kick a Thai in the face but couldn’t afford to pay the 10,000 baht fine for that offence. He promised that he’d never do it again, so next time he fancies kicking someone in the face he’ll presumably have to check out their ethnicity first.

 

There was panic in Mohammed Alley (Soi 16) last week after it was misreported that Pattaya was planning to send in a crew to eradicate all the muzzies with insecticide before the rainy season began. The authorities confirmed that the word should have been ‘mozzies’ but sent a crew to Soi 16 anyway.

 

Did you really think those red splodges were paint?..

 

 

A few more changes on the bar scene, the most significant being the closure of Angelwitch after 12 years. Shame really. Good place in its heyday and always a favourite with the ladies. Last month we reported that Eden Club had closed, reopened, closed again and reopened again. Well, it’s closed again. Either that or they’ve got a very slow neon sign. Yes A Go Go still hasn’t reopened despite two missed deadlines. Atlantis, the new incarnation of Sweethearts, has now opened its doors and early reports seem to be positive. Indian clubs are making further inroads into Walking Street. The Rajah Indian Dance Club has finally opened, but surprisingly all the house dancers are Russians. Or maybe not so surprising. Maya, the Indian nightclub on the premises of the old FLB Bar that closed down shortly after opening last month, has now reopened. Seems to be a lot of this going on with new bars, presumably problems with getting new licences (let’s not start on that again.)

 

A charitable organisation has donated over 200 pairs of spectacles to local residents following a series of eye examinations. The lucky residents duly put on their new spectacles, had a quick look round, then packed their bags and moved out.

 

Another trip into the murky past now with a pair of yarns from Monkeywatch in June 2008…

 

“Police arrested a young Thai chappie the other Thursday morning after he nicked a fire truck and crashed it into an unsuspecting tree. He told the arresting officers that he only did it because he wanted to be on television and it was better than auditioning for American Idol. It probably required more talent as well.

 

Twenty street vendors were arrested on Walking Street last weekend following alleged complaints by tourists about their somewhat aggressive marketing techniques. Several of the vendors were found to be carrying armfuls of flowers and were frogmarched to the police station where they were charged with armed shrubbery. The rest, who had been asking to take pictures of tourists, were charged with possession of hardcore photography.”

 

Get your replacement baht bus tyres here…

 

 

Walking Street is to have a facelift next year to make it more family friendly. This may sound like bad news, but all they seem to be planning to do is to remove the famous Hanging Wires Of Pattaya (one of the 7-Eleven Wonders of the World) and bury them underground. Whether they plan to reconnect them as well is currently unclear, but what in the name of hell’s trousers does all this have to do with families anyway? And how will the tour officials sell this? “Oh yeah, Walking Street used to be one big brothel but since they installed underground cables it’s a great place to take your family.” Unbelievable.

 

Naklua has failed to get an accreditation as an ecotourism destination after receiving what is believed to be the lowest ever score in a sustainable tourism test. It received a ‘C’ rating, the lowest designation possible, though the test result has prompted the tourism ministry to consider introducing a ‘D’ rating for future such cases of catastrophic failure.

 

It’s been reported that three Thai men disguised as women have been arrested for robbing tourists on Walking Street. And this is news? Ah, hang on, it seems they weren’t ladyboys but men dressed up as women. This place gets more gender confused by the minute.

 

Finally, police launched a special anti-crime initiative during this weekend’s Pattaya International Fireworks Festival which they named “Make Pattaya Liveable.” This is to distinguish it from their normal operations which are generally known as “Make Pattaya Laughable.”

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Bob Belzy 150]

From experience, I find them all irritating......

[teelack 9,639]

Great stuff. My monthly treat.

[short 215]

Losing Angelwitch is a shame. One of the few sexy places you could take a lady to. Angelwitch failed to maintain their dance routines.

[jacko 8,814]

Losing Angelwitch is a shame. One of the few sexy places you could take a lady to. Angelwitch failed to maintain their dance routines.

The last few times I tried it I felt the place needed burning down.

How on Earth did it last so long when it ticked all the bad boxes?

[monkeyman 1,604]

The last few times I tried it I felt the place needed burning down.

How on Earth did it last so long when it ticked all the bad boxes?

 

That question could apply to a few other places in the vicinity.

[Basil B 46]

(For those who don’t know, Car SOS is a Brit TV series in which classic cars are restored to their former glory by a failed drummer and an irritating homosexual.)

Last thing Pattaya needs is more failed musicians and puffters...

[nkped 1,208]

A few times, I have seen sobriety checkpoints along Khao Talo on the darkside between 7 and 8am. No problems but they probably get a fee legitimate busts at that hour.

[monkeyman 1,604]

Losing Angelwitch is a shame. One of the few sexy places you could take a lady to. Angelwitch failed to maintain their dance routines.

 

There's been a whisper that the place may yet be saved. We await further developments.