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BigusDicus

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51 minutes ago, Bullfrog said:

I knew a few girls that would have caught it ...!!

Me too and spit it back out. but all. professional 

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There were 3 brothers from China, Bu, Chu and Fu. When they moved to America, they decided to change their names.

Bu changed his name to Buck. Chu changed his name to Chuck.

And Fu... Well, he had to go back to China.

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7 hours ago, gs joe said:

Me too and spit it back out. but all. professional 

With a Watneys party four ........a party seven would be stretching it a bit far ..........

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1 hour ago, Bullfrog said:

With a Watneys party four ........a party seven would be stretching it a bit far ..........

That’s would be scraping the red barrel ,  brings back memories had the key fob ,

34108A4F-43C8-4992-9FEC-791D3EF357B9.jpeg

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Just now, gs joe said:

That’s would be scraping the red barrel ,  brings back memories had the key fob ,

34108A4F-43C8-4992-9FEC-791D3EF357B9.jpeg

She might try to catch it if you promised to buy her a double diamond......It works wonders apparantly !

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36 minutes ago, Bullfrog said:

She might try to catch it if you promised to buy her a double diamond......It works wonders apparantly !

You’re had some classy birds if the dunk double D 

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Just now, gs joe said:

You’re had some classy birds if the dunk double D 

We seem to one of the few areas that sold draught DD not the posh bottled stuff...

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A Rabbi and a Priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the Priest's collar and says, "So you're a Priest. I'm a Rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The Rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then he hands the bottle to the Priest. The Priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The Rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the Priest. The Priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The Rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

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An Everton fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Liverpool supporter he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious Liverpool jersey. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.

One day while driving along, he saw a Priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the Priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The Priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.

Suddenly, the driver saw a Liverpool supporter walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the Priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Liverpool supporter."

That's OK, replied the Priest "I got him with the door."

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I heard the same tale in Oz, except the victim was an aborigine

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A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "DAMN! That's the ugliest fuckin' baby I've EVER seen!" In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. The bus driver insulted me! she fumed. The man sympathized and said, Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers. You're right!" she said. I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.

That's a good idea," the man said. Here, let me hold your monkey.

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At an army training camp in Florida, the Sargent is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment."

An alligator came in the room and bit the Sargent's penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the Sargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off. "Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the Sargent.

A Private put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."
 

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A farmer came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So the farmer dragged the other man down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise.

The farmer secured it tightly, super glued it shut, and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.

The other man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to ... to ... cut it off, are you?" The farmer said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are.

I'm going to set the garage on fire!"

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