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Displayed prices are for multiple nights. Check the site for price per night. I see hostels starting at 200b/day and hotels from 500b/day on agoda.
BigusDicus

Bar Humor

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There is a massive traffic jam on the M5. Nothing is moving. All a driver can do is relax and turn on the radio.

Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"

Terrorists have kidnapped parliament and are asking for a 10 million pound ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection" The driver asks "How much is everyone giving?"

The man replies "About a gallon or so."

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Two Russian immigrants talk about their former country: "You know, since we left, the regime has relaxed. The government even organized a contest of the best political joke."

"That's good, and what is the first price?" asks the other.

"10 years in prison!"

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A couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year." The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than once a week!"

The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year." Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's more than twice a week. What do you say to that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!" The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"

The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, you ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!"

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A wedding occurred, just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court."

The court room goes silent and Paddy (the best man) stands up and says, "Judge ... I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The Judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK."

"Well", said Paddy, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song.. when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick in her privates." The Judge instantly responded ... "God ... that must of hurt!"

Paddy replies "HURT!.. He broke three of my fingers."
 

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Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party so he called Bruce Banner to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Bruce Banner said Betty Ross was ill and he had to look after her. A little disappointed, Superman called Iron Man to see if wanted to grab a couple of beers. Iron Man told him he had a date with Black Widow. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder woman's apartment to see If she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex and out again before she knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said "Did you hear anything?" "NO"! said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell!"

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Three cousins went hunting in the woods. The first cousin came back with a stag. His cousins asked him, "How did you kill it?" He replied., "Well, I find stag tracks, I follow stag tracks, and BANG, I shoot stag!"

A few nights later, the second cousin went hunting. He brought back a hare. His cousins asked him, "How did you kill it?" He replied, "Well, I find hare tracks, I follow hare tracks, and BANG, I shoot hare!"

A few days later, the third cousin, a blonde, went hunting. He came back with a broken arm, in a wheelchair, and bloody and bruised. His cousins asked, "What happened to you?" He replied, "Well, I find train tracks, I follow train tracks, and BANG, train hit me!"

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23 hours ago, VPI78 said:

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party so he called Bruce Banner to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Bruce Banner said Betty Ross was ill and he had to look after her. A little disappointed, Superman called Iron Man to see if wanted to grab a couple of beers. Iron Man told him he had a date with Black Widow. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder woman's apartment to see If she was free.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex and out again before she knew what was happening." So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily.

Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said "Did you hear anything?" "NO"! said the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell!"

Alice RIP ....TVOD did their version of the same joke ..

 

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Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared.

Shaken, the woman calls out to her partner, "Hey, where's your ball?" "It's over here in the pussy willows." She screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"
 

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A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. The ringmaster tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

Blondie says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, then sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The ringmasters jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."

He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there."

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A math professor, John is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.
 
The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you say you only made it to 6th grade, they don't like educated people."

The professor takes him up on the offer and becomes a plumber. His salary triples and he doesn't have to work nearly as hard. But the company makes an announcement that all of their plumbers must get a 7th grade education. So they all go to night school. On the first day of night school they all attend math class. The teacher wants to gauge the class so he asks John, "What is the formula for the area of a circle?"
 
John walks up to the board and is about to write the formula when he realizes he has forgotten it. So he begins to attempt to derive the formula, filling the board with complicated mathematics. He ends up figuring out it is negative pi times radius squared. He thinks the minus doesn't belong so he starts over, but again he comes up with the same equation. After staring at the board for a minute he looks out at the other plumbers and sees that they are all whispering,

"Switch the limits on the integral!"

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