DP Gumbypgh

My home town team the penguins will win it again!!!!!!

Bruiser lighten up or at least learn to spell loser if you want to insult someone. Remember you never lose your girl only your turn. OK if you want to sponser a girl its up to you. TIT

Piss poor picture I know but still waiting for everyone else's

Picttures from Party

Send an email to Jib Porntipa (nugget_mayom@hotmail.com) works for me normally. Hotel is full right now but i think they have some rooms after january 25th. Hotel across the street is Selina Place has better rooms for about the same price in low season but no swimming pool. Can use Tycoon's for 50 baht a day. They have website that works.

The bus stop bar has rooms but have never stayed there but they do have the best hostess on the street named Ouy. Heard good things about staying there on other boards. Don't know about safe Etc.

Chubby Brown used to tell this joke years ago. Still good though!

Flew with ANA from Washington Dulles to BKK last Christmas, only problem was that the seats are sized for Asian bodies and are only a bit over 18 inches wide. The United seats in coach are over 20 inches wide are more comfortable for the long flights. You can credit the miles on ANA to United frequent Flyer program which was good. For good comparison of airlines and best seats on particular flights check out Seat Guru

Ok I'll remove the true story part if I ever use it again.

On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the Lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky. Statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions Following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky, as he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!" True story.

WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN... 1. You can enjoy a beer all month long. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. 4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play hockey. 5. When the beer goes flat, you toss it. 6. Beer is never late. 7. Hangovers go away. 8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. 9. Beer labels come off without a fight. 10. Beer never has a headache. 11. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer. 12. After you had a beer, the bottle is still worth 10 cents. 13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath. 14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head. 15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty. 16. A beer always goes down easy. 17. You can share a beer with your friends. 18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer. 19. A beer is always wet. 20. Beer doesn't demand equality. 21. You can have a beer in public. 22. A beer doesn't care when you come and will wait forever. 23. A frigid beer is a good beer. 24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

First Woman: "This is very embarrassing, but every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm." Second Woman: "You poor dear! Are you taking anything for that?" First Woman: "Snuff." What's the definition of the perfect woman? 1) She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth and her head is flat so you can put cocktails on it. 2) The sports model has pull-back ears and her teeth fold in. 3) The economy model - she fucks all night and at midnight she turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack. Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher walked up to them and displayed his endowments. The first old lady had a stroke, the second old lady had a stroke, but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach. This guy walks into a bar, walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a scotch and soda and I'd like to buy that douche bag at the end of the bar a drink." The bartender says, "Hey, she's a regular and you can't be talking about her that way." The guy says, "Okay, I'd like to buy that nice, young lady at the end of the bar a drink." The bartender says, "That's more like it," and he walks up to the girl and asks her what she wants to drink. She says, "Vinegar and water." A man meets up with an old roomate whom he has not seen for many years. The roomate has had a sex-change operation. "Was it painful?", asks the former. "No, not really" says the second. "How about when they cut off your dick?" "No that really wasn't the worst of it." "Really?" says the first. "How about when they had to create the new hole? That must have been painful." "No the worst part was when they stuck the straw in my ear and sucked out half my brains." Why did God give women nipples? To make suckers out of men. Why did the Detroit Lions hire two nuns and a prostiture for the new season? Because they needed two tight ends and a wide receiver. Why are clams like women? When the red tide comes, you don't eat them. How does a man know when he's eaten pussy well? When he wakes up in the morning and his face looks like a glazed doughnut. Did you hear about the new video game for women only, called Dick-Man? You put a quarter in and get fucked. I've got a joke so funny it'll make your breast fall off: Oh...I see you've already heard it. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float. What do you do when your Kotex catches fire? Throw it on the floor and tampon it. What's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1? Bo Derek getting older. Did you hear about the new douche powder made of alum, LSD, and Kentucky Fried Chicken batter? It's uptight, outasight, and finger-lickin' good. What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a light bulb. What do fat girls and mopeds have in common? They're both fun to ride until a friend see you. Why are women giving up bowling for screwing? The balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes. What's the difference between a job and a wife? After five years, the job still sucks. How do you make paper dolls? Screw an old bag. What's the white stuff you find in women's panties? Clitty litter. Bumper sticker: Support E.R.A. - make him sleep on the wet spot. What do you call a rehabilitation home for ex-prostitutes? An all-the-way house. Definition of a wife: "An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done." How are an oven and a woman alike? You have to get them both hot before you can stick the meat in. Remember what's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? (Getting fingered by Captain Hook.) Well, you know what's worse than that? Getting eaten out by Jaws. What's the purpose of a bellybutton? To put your gum in on the way down. Why was the stamp commemorating prostitution so unpopular? You had to pay an extra ten cents to lick it. What's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme. How do you make a hormone? Put sand in the Vaseline. What's a cunt that talks back? An answering cervix. What do you give an eighty-year-old woman for her birthday? Mikey ... He'll eat anything. What do you call a woman who uses too much contraceptive cream? A spermicidal maniac. Why do women have legs? So they don't leave snail tracks on linoleum floors. What do you call a hooker with no legs? A nightcrawler. What do you call a girl who's just been run over by a car? Patty. Why do female parachutists always wear pantyhose? So they won't whistle. How do you tell when a woman is wearing pantyhose? If she farts, her ankles will swell. How do you tell if a woman is wearing underwear? Look for the dandruff on her shoes. Why do women have 2 holes so close together? In case you miss. Why do women have 2 holes so close together? So you can carry them home like a six-pack. What do you call a female clone? A clunt. Why did the guy trade in his wife for an outhouse? Because the hole was smaller and the smell was better. Why is there a string on the end of a tampon? So you can floss after you eat. How does a girl hold her liquor? By the ears! How is a woman like a frying pan? You have to get them hot before you put in the meat. How is a woman like an airplane? Both have cockpits. How is a woman like a road? Both have manholes. Which of the group doesn't belong (eggs,wife,meat,blowjob)? A blowjob because you can beat the others but you can't beat a blowjob Ladies, look down inside your shirts and spell the word attic out loud. Three mysteries of women: 1. They can give milk without eating grass. 2. They can bleed for a week every month without dying. 3. (My favorite). They can bury a bone without getting their noses dirty. What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? Sends him to work. Your wife's just like a rifle: First she gets cocked and then she blows. Your wife's just like a bowling ball: She gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and always comes back for more! How many male Chauvinists does it take to clean a toilet ????? None ! Thats womans work. What two things in the air might get a woman pregnant? Her feet! If God didn't want man to eat pussy, He wouldn't have made it look so much like a TACO! What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? FULL!! How can you tell if you've been fucking your girl too much? A: Stick your thumb in her asshole and your middle finger up her snatch, If you can hear yourself snap your fingers, ease off a little. How does a women get a mink coat ? The same way mink gets a mink. A woman goes to the gynecologist with a terrible case of crotch rot. The doctor takes one whiff & almost passes out. "My dear," says the Doc, "this is serious! What you need is Mega Douche!" "Mega Douche?" says the woman, "What's that?" "It's my own formula! It contains marijuana, talcum powder & Kentucky fried chicken." "Why marijuana, talcum powder & fried chicken?" "Because you wanna keep that thing high & dry & finger lickin good!" Three men were sitting on a beach; a fairly good-looking blonde walks by. The first man says, "I give her a six"; the second, "I give her a 7"; the third says, "She is a 1." The other two look at him and wonder. Another woman walks by. The first man says, "She is an 8"; the second says, "I give her an 8+"; the third says, "She is a three." Again the first two men wonder about him. Then an extremely fine-looking redhead approaches. The first man says, "She is a 10!" The second man says, "She is an 11!!" The third guy says, "She is a six." The other two finally look at him and say, "What is the matter with you, man?? That redhead is perfect!! Are you weird or something??" "Wait a minute--you don't understand; I use the Budweiser scale." "What the hell is that?" "That's how many clydesdales it would take to pull her off my face." How A Pussy Was Made ==================== Seven Wise Men made up their minds to build then a Pussy of their own Design. The First was a Carpenter, full of wit, with a Hammer and Chisel, He made the Slit. The Second, a Blacksmith, black as coal, with an Anvil and Sledge, He made the Hole. The Third, a Rich Tailor, tall and thin, with a peice of Red Ribbon, He lined it within. The Fourth, a Furrier, big and stout, with the Skin of a Bear, He lined it without. The Fifth, a Fisherman, old and bent, with a Rotten Herring, He gave it a Scent. The Sixth, a Preacher, with a B.A. degree, Patted it, and Felt it, and said it would Pee. The Seventh, a Rabbi, a Mean Little Runt, Blessed it, and F*cked it, and called it a C*nt. This young rich man was looking for a wife, and had narrowed his choices down to 3 women. He couldn't make up his mind on which one he should marry, so he tested them. He gave each women $5,000 to see what they would spend it on. The first woman went out, bought furs and jewels, and blew all the money on herself. The second woman put half of it in the bank, and spent the rest of it on herself. The third woman bought herself a dress, and many, many gifts for the young man. Given these facts, which woman do you think the young man married? Answer: The woman with the biggest tits, of course! Chemical Analysis Element : Woman Symbol : WO Discoverer : Adam Quantitative Analysis: Accepted at 36-28-36, though isotopes ranging from 25-10-20 to 60-55-60 have been identified Occurance: Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas Physical Properties: Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing, and freezes at a moments notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic but attracted by coins & sports cars. In its natural shape the specimen varys considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernable except to the experienced eye. Chemical Properties: Has a great affinity for AU, AG, & C, especially in the crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH & sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst is often required (must say that you love her at least 5 times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control when in dark & all reaction conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic. Storage: Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 & 25 years. Uses: Highly ornamental. Uses as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared). Tests: Pure specimens turn rosey tint if discovered in raw, natural state.Turns green if placed beside a better specimen. Caution: Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income & ego). Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed. It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted. Banana Loaf ----------- 2 laughing eyes 2 bowing arms 2 well-shaped legs 2 firm milk containers 1 fur-lined mixing bowl 1 banana Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick the bowl. WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !!!!!!!! What do you call a woman who has lost her mind? A widow. Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them. Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them. Why is a woman better than a sheep? Sheep can't cook. Why does a woman have one more brain cell than a cow? so she doesn't shit on the floor when she does the dishes. Joe: I got a problem. Ed: What's the matter? Joe: Women. I just don't understand them. Ed: Do you understand your TV? Joe: No. Ed: So what's the problem?! And a little story: Guy and girl in back of van going at it... Girl says "put a finger in me" So he does. Then she says "put another finger in me" and he does. "Put ANOTHER finger in me" and again he does. "Put your whole HAND in me" and he does... "Put your other hand in me" and again he obeys. "Now clap" At this point he replies "I can't!" "Tight huh?" How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three: One to change it, One to support her by holding the ladder, One to write an indignant essay condemning the use of the word "screw". A woman pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes a dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant: "Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?" "May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?" "Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!!" What’s the smartest thing to come out of a woman’s mouth? Einstein’s cock What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap the bitch What does a redneck chick say after sex? Get off me dad, you’re crushing my smokes Why did god give blondes one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn’t shit during the parades What is the purpose of women’s underwear? To keep women’s ankle’s warm What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Fucking nothing, you’ve already told them twice What do you say to a lesbian with no arms and no legs? Nice tits, bitch What does a toilet and a woman have in common? Without the hole in the middle they aren’t worth shit What’s the hardest part of a sex change operation? Removing half the brain What do you call a fat chick with a yeast infection? A whopper with cheese What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss. How can you tell if you eat pussy well? You wake up in the morning with a face like glazed doughnut and a beard like an unwashed paintbrush Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard that the referee was blowing fowls What’s the definition of a woman? Life support for a vagina What does a tornado and a redneck divorcee have in common? Someone is losing a trailer What do you call two lesbians on the rag? Finger painting What do tornadoes and women have in common? In the beginning they both suck and blow but you just end up losing your house What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her old, used crack and resell it What does a blonde’s right leg say to her left leg? Nothing, they’ve never met before What’s the definition of virgin? An ugly third grader What is the mating call of redhead? Next How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and one to suck my cock What does a woman have in common with a with a box of Kentucky fried chicken? Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thighs, all you’re left with is a greasy box What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it What’s the difference between a washing machine and a 16 year old girl? You can dump your load in a washing machine and it won’t follow you around for 2 weeks telling you it loves you Why do doctors slap babies when they’re born? To knock the dicks off the stupid ones What do women and dog turds have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up What do women and condoms have in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin What do you call a gay dinosaur A megasoreass How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to put it in and one to write a folk song about it What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable? The wheelchair How do you get a nun pregnant? You fuck her What do you call a useless piece of skin around a vagina? A woman How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese What do 54,000 abused women have in common? They don’t fucking listen What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung What has six legs and eats pussy? You, me and Ellen Degeneres How is Waco like a snickers bar? Roasted nuts What is Koresh wearing right now ? His best Sunday soot what else? Charcoal slacks What else? A smoking jacket How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy How can you tell if you are squeezing a woman the right way? You fill her crack What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers? Desert What is the leading cause of death among lesbians? Hairballs

Gary Glitter is going to adopt his children so they can be reared as they they have been brought up.

I agree with Bigdusa, the pictures showed the girls as they were no retouching except for some minor silicone enhancements which were definately not done with Photoshop.

OK Will be there. Is there any particular starting time, sorry I forgot TIT up to you.

I hope i never get drunk and fall asleep near you two

If the girls only go on Fridays at 7.00 pm for the 5000baht draw why not change it to 1000 baht every day at 7pm to ensure that at least some of the girls are there every day. It may not be feasible but its just a thought.

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?" "You'll see", he replies. They start eating dinner and his daughter keeps asking him what they are eating. "Ok", says her dad, "Here's a hint. It's what your mother sometimes calls me." His daughter screams ... "Don't eat it, Jimmy! ... It's a fucking asshole ..."

Sorry I messed up the first post (my first attempt with pictures)should have previewed it better before posting. Here are the rest of the funny pictures.

Here's some pictures of what happens if you fall asleep when your friends are around. What the worst thing that you have done or had done to you? I have another 10 of these I will post later if there is any interest

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. 'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.' The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

Am arriving at 11.10 pm, already have taxi booked anyone want to share let me know.

I just received from the Thai embassy in Washington DC a double entry tourist visa. They returned my application fee of $70 with a note that said all foreign nationals will be exempted from tourist fee from 5 March to 4 June 2009. I knew that single entry tourist visas were free but I had not heard that double entry were also free.