MeGoDanceNow

I'd gladly keep FAIL if I could get rid of gifting. When did we start gifting shit and stop giving it?

Riding bareback and wearing no more than shorts and a pair of thongs, Trevor Yeend steered horse Elvis through the crowd and went straight for the bar. He ordered a double Bundaberg Rum. "That'll be $9.50, mate," said the barkeeper. Trevor paid for his drink and took the glass. "Excuse me for saying so, mate," the innkeeper continued, "but it's not every day a bloke rides straight into my bar on horseback and orders a double Bundy." "At these prices, I'm not surprised," replied Trevor.

I hate to point this out, but most of these people appear to be Americans... A winceathon from Your Daily Media

Oh happy day! I just walked from the Gardoons to Walking Street this evening along Beach Road, just after sunset, and all the hawker stalls are gone. Guess it was just a high-season annoyance. The malecon is once again clear, just the usual Coconut Bar girls and "Boat! Island!" guys along the way. Saints be praised! Now if they'd only clear them away from the Avenue...

That's true. It's happening everywhere in this town now -- there are fewer and fewer spaces to walk. The night market killed Patpong, I fear it'll do the same to Walking Street. They've had occasional "street markets" on WS for special occasions (nothing special about what they're selling, you can buy exactly the same crap anywhere from Siracha to Rayong) but so far nothing permanent. Hope the shit on WS goes away and they take away the dancing children and smoking cowboy with them.

Just went back there today (I often have a coffee at the Starbucks there) and saw what was up with the movie theater. They moved the ticket area from the second to third floor -- to a MUCH smaller space. Instead of hogging the center of the second level, it's just a tiny counter inside the bowling alley now. (The second floor is now a kind of mini TukCom, selling mobile phones) I think the only reason they bother having any presence on the third floor is that if they put ticketing at the top floor the punters will give up before they've finished climbing the escalators to the fourth floor.

Niiice! You've captured the original look of the place, too. I'm going to go back and see what's up with that cinema.

Had to think about that one for a minute. Major Cinemas is still there! You're right. But they stopped using the big space on the second floor where you used to buy tickets. That's all open now. They still have their cinemas on the third level, next to the bowling alley. That's what got me confused. ComCity? Is that TukCom? If so, it makes sense -- businesses that couldn't afford Avenue before, and had to make do with that craptastic shithole on South Pattaya Rd, can afford the Avenue because the owners are desperate. If that's what happened, it says more about the dire state of TukCom than the attractiveness of the Avenue IMNSHO.

This rant isn’t going to interest all of you, but I thought I’d throw together some observations about a Great New Thing here in Patpong-bye-the-Sea that went spectacularly pear-shaped during the recession: The Avenue shopping mall. The Avenue Pattaya opened in fall 2007, and now, just three short years later, the joint is falling completely to seed. How did this little oasis of urban cool become a nightmare so quickly? Well, obviously the opening of the big new Bangkok-style mall, Central Festival Pattaya, did it in, just like it deep-sixed Royal Garden Plaza. But the gruesome tale of the Avenue is worth a look, because it’s in many ways a typical tale of how businesses go tits-up in Pattaya It was all so promising three years ago The design was beautiful, with nice rounded contours (instead of yettanudda strip of shophouse cubes), landscaping with old-growth trees and a fountain, a wooden boardwalk, parking and oodles of space inside. Big-name tenants signed up quickly, including Shenanigans (kicked out of its old spot beside Royal Garden), Starbucks, California WOW Fitness, Pizza Company, Coffee Bean, Pizza Pizza and the ubiquitous Bookazine. Villa Market had its own entrance. There was even a luxury cinema, Major Cinema, just like the ones in Bangkok. Well-heeled family tourism, here we come! Then the rot started to set in. The parking was ill-conceived -- the entrance to the multi-level parking was confusing and cramped, so customers didn’t want to use it. The landlords charged for parking, and though they weren’t as surly as the parking-lot mafia at the Gardoons, they added a layer of hassle, as you had to stump up cash if you couldn’t produce a stamped receipt. And you have to watch your time, too. Nothing says “we value your business” like being told you have to fork out 40 baht because you spent five minutes too long shopping. Next, customers abandoned the shops in the back. None of the high-roller tenants wanted the back areas, except Major Cinemas, so the Avenue was forced to rent out space to all comers. Of course Pattaya (and the world) was still booming then, so takers weren’t hard to find, and the mall filled up with me-too shoe stores, no-hope restaurants like Fat Boy, trinket sellers and of course hairdressers. So when Central Festival Mall opened up, the Avenue was already on a slippery slope. With shoppers stampeding to gleaming new Central, the Avenue started to hemorrhage tenants. A few nice businesses that were doing OK in the second-rate locations, like the Apple store, the massage joint on the third floor and that tea shop whatever it’s called, pulled up stakes, some reappearing at Central. Desperate for revenue, the landlords hit on a brilliant idea: Rent out every inch of outdoor space to market stalls. If there’s one thing Thai businesspeople excel in, it’s fucking over their best customers. The market stalls made the mall impassable after 3 PM, draining foot traffic from the few surviving businesses. The pikers with their little trinket stalls got VIP treatment, with the best parking spots reserved for them -- the customers can go fuck themselves, apparently. Villa Market took over the rest of the decent parking, so only Villa customers could park there. (20 baht to the security guard takes care of that detail.) Unable to compete with SFX Cinema in Central, Major Cinemas switched off its projectors for good. (Edit: Sorry, they're still there, but they've slashed the amount of space they use in half. Thanks Emil.) Then the gaff really went to seed. With whole floors now abandoned, the site is looking distinctly gamey Large glory holes are cut out at todger level in the men’s washrooms on the 2nd and 3rd floors Now the mall is trying to cut its losses by parceling out space on the top floors, formerly occupied by a big property developer and some restaurants, for yet more trinket sellers. Some of the shops facing the road will probably continue to do well enough to stay – Starbucks, Micky Dee’s, Shenanigans, Villa, Boots, Au Bon Pain. I expect the rest of the joint to be shuttered or turned into market stalls within a year or two. Pizza Pizza jacked its prices way up and probably won’t last. Lessons learned: Well, OK, if they got the chance the landlords would probably make all the same mistakes all over again. THEY didn’t learn fuck all. But I did: 1. Think about parking!! Parking is an afterthought for most businesses here, including every cunt who runs a store out of a shophouse. Central offers free parking, with direct access to every floor, not just the ground floor. Why shop anywhere else? 2. Plan your upper levels. This applies to everyone from Secrets, which shrewdly uses every inch of space on all floors, 24 hours a day, to Mike Shopping, which is a clusterfuck. (Who bothers to climb the escalators at Mike Shopping to buy a T-shirt on the third floor?) Central puts different types of shops on different floors, so people know exactly where they want to go and use the whole mall. 3. Make a deal and stick to it. Did Au Bon Pain know it was going to get a stupid noisy outdoor market right in front of it, choking off foot traffic and annoying its customers with noise and loud music? Did Coffee Bean get advance notice that all the good parking was going to be taken away and given to 3,000-baht-a-month paupers flogging jeans and bootleg CDs? Of course not. Rant over. I feel better now.

I tried the Aeon ATMs and they charge me 150 baht too. Could it be because my account's in Japan?

I tried getting around Pattaya on a pushbike years ago. Gave it up after a few weeks. The soi dogs chase you, the roads are too uneven, you're the lowest man on the totem pole with everyone running you off the road, and you show up at the gogo bar all sweaty. The girls aren't impressed either. The FLB girls told me, "LDK, we want BMW, not BMX."

I would also add that the moto taxis are a surprisingly safe way to get around. Have been using them for many years and never a problem. A lot safer than a farang trying to ride a motorcycle himself in this town IMNSHO.

You don't mean the Baiyoke Sky Tower/Hotel do you? That place is a shithole. I hope you have time to change your reservations. I wouldn't use that hovel as a dog kennel.

The BBC explained, "the problem was caused by a large amount of snow falling in a short time." Glad to see the spirit of Sherlock Holmes lives on over there.

Now this I gotta see. "Get in thuh sauna, pilgrim, or yer dead where yuh stand."

When was the second? We Canooks sent you Yanks packing in 1812.

A sincere reply to a customer concern. Always the mark of a true businessman. Too many farang "businesspeople" respond to complaints with excuses and defensive backtalk.

I'll bet it's still a dump... ...with strippers from the Gaspé!

Elliot was always the life of the party with his "Look, I can take a dump standing up" routine.

Tell me more!

That'd be Bytown. The place where the strip clubs in Hull get their customers from.

I've read that actually. Wonderful book. I've certainly decided that I don't EVER want to see.... (spoiler alert) . . . . . . . . . ...the inside of an Indian prison.

You're talking about Hogtown?

Hi boyz, Visa run time coming up again. I don't want to go to Cambo, Lao, Malaysia or Burma which have land borders with Thailand as I'll only get 14 days coming back in. I don't want to hang around waiting for a visa either. So I'm thinking of going to Bombay for a visa run. Never been to India and I reckon there must be something to see if I stay in the downtown area where they clean the place occasionally. Any tips? Getting to and from the airport, good places to stay, things to do, people to see? Also they require a visa and seem to be cagey about how long it will take. Should I apply a month in advance? Cheers

What a genius. I remember when he was interviewed on CBC by one of our top anchorwomen (he's Canadian, at least by birth) and he saluted her by farting loudly.