pattaya_mad

amazing, who would ever admit to having a dick that small?

I read somewhere this week that a barrel of crude as dropped from $147 to $133, still double what it was this time last year but hopefully the worse is over, can we expect to see the fuel surcharges dropping if this is the case? don`t hold your breath on BA but I would hope that some of the foreign airlines take note

I booked EVA for January last Monday with airline-network for £532-checked it the flollowing day and it was up to £622..looks like I got in just in time phew

Hi Alex, like the look of the rockhose despite some critisism from certain BMs, but I have one slight concern, the apartment directly above the bar..room 1 I assume, would there be a problem with music noise there? cheers

I booked with EVA for Jan £532.easily the cheapest direct flight I could find, Thai wanted over £700 and BA wanted over £800, not sure how this will effect tourist numbers if the prices keep going up. EDIT: checked the same flight today, and now its £622, seems I got there just in time

OK just back from yet another very enoyable trip, like to give my two dollars worth on the beer garden for what its worth, for all the good intention of trying to make it a carbon copy of the bkk version it was alway going to be an uphill battle, in about 5 daytime visits there I didn`t see a single FL, also 2 evening visits and there were just a few to be seen..I`m afraid if a girl as an option of sitting on beach road with the never ending flow of punters walking by or sitting in a bar with the hope that some guy will take a chance then sadly there is no real competition. That said the bar really is a good place to go, friendly staff, very good music and brilliant location, whether Pete would look to make it a hostess bar in future remains to be seen, but surely the lure of several barfinable girls would go some way to drawing in more people, at the end of the day some guys might be just staying away if there is no eye candy, after all why do the majority of men go to pattaya?..its not friendly staff good music and the brilliant location thats for sure

Mine is back to normal, I can come off suicide watch now

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I wonder if the surcharge will fall when the price of oil falls again?..don`t fuckin bet on it

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, 'You Sign! You sign!' Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, 'You Sign! You sign!' Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, 'You sign! You sign!' Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: 'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, 'You sign! You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him: 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?' The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: (It's a beauty) (Wait for it) (Get your best Chinese accent ready) 'You not Nissan Main Deala?'

Hi all, I`m looking for a restaurant in daytime where I can have a nice Thai meal, the reason being I am meeting someone early afternoon during her break, she works at an hotel, any ideas?

its certainly had an effect here in the UK, Im out on the roads on a daily basis and its usual to see 20+ drivers using mobile phones while driving

BA increased their fuel surcharge about a month ago

Hi, anyone thats on Thai international out of London that wants to share a cab down to Pats give me a shout, or if you are another flight arriving around 3pm June 1st the same offer applies

Hi, I am planning to apply for a retirement visa in around 3 years time, I do know the financial requirements involved, it may be a struggle at first to aquire a monthly income of 65,000 baht but a bank account of 800,000 baht shouldn`t be too much of a problem with a company lump sum and maturing assurance policies. after 6 years of living there my state pension should kick in which will take me closer to the monthly income required. my questions: do you need at least 800k in your Thai bank account at all times?, or just when you apply for the initial visa?..and how often do immigration require you to declare your financial situation? and am I right in thinking that you need to declare your living address every 90 days? cheers EDIT: didn`t see the related thread on this issue here!

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?" "Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?" So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would let me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000 dollars eh? Ok, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there" So they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling hem, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but no biting. In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."

________________________________________________________________________________________ A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. So she put an ad in the local newspaper that read: HUSBAND WANTED MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow said. "Just look at you - you have no legs!" The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" "And you have no arms" Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??" The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

________________________________________________________________________________________ Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him. "Oh no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments then asked.... "How does that feel?"........ He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell".

Bill Clinton, Al Gore and George W. Bush went to a fitness spa together for some fun. After a stimulating, healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the men's room. They found a strange looking gent sitting at the entrance. He said, "Welcome to the gentlemen's room. Be sure to check out our newest feature, a mirror that, if you look into it and say something truthful, will reward you with your wish. BUT BE WARNED! If you say something FALSE, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!" The three men quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, Bill Clinton stepped up and said, "I think I am the most intelligent of us three!" Suddenly 'POOF' - he found the keys to a brand new Bentley in his hands. Al Gore stepped up to the mirror and said,"I think I am the most aware of the environmental problems of us three," and again, 'POOF' he was surrounded by a pile of money to fund his next Presidential Campaign. Excited over the possibility of finally having a wish come true, George W. Bush looked into the mirror and said, "I think...," and was promptly sucked into the mirror. _________________________________________________________________________________________ A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are, anyway?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses!" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?" The bird promptly answered, "The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternooon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't very good at the game and every time he missed a shot would shout 'S**t, missed'. The game went on and after several outbursts from the builder, the priest could hold his tongue no longer. "Don't swear like that" he told his friend, "or God will punish you". The builder apologised and the game continued. As soon as he missed another shot the builder shouted "S**t, missed." and continued to do this every time he missed a shot for the next three holes. The priest was starting to get really angry by now and said "I must insist that you stop swearing this instant, otherwise God will hear you and punish you!" Once again, his pleas made no difference as the builder missed an easy putt on the seventeenth green and shouted out "S**t, missed". Immediately the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning flew from the sky, hitting the priest right in the arse and sending him flying. Suddenly, a booming voice was heard in the clouds, "S**t, missed!"

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Ma was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Ma was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good 'til the last drop". Ma blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read "Benson & Hedges". Ma now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Ma waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words" "British Airways". Ma took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Ma fainted.

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it’s an absolute steal at only $20." "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity". "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman. "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam". "I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh. A little later the womans two teenage daughters arrive home. "Un f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet. A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home. "In f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?" _________________________________________________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me always, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy" After a few minutes God said......... "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" _________________________________________________________________________________________ George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes straight to hell where Satan is waiting for him. "Hmm, I don't know what to do here" says Satan, "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here. Tell you what I'm going to do. I have three people who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you will have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves, but your choice will be FINAL." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. Satan opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy, and a large pool of water. He kept resurfacing over and over, gasping for air. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long." Then Satan led George to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time, and more rocks appeared. "No!" said George, "I've a problem with my shoulder and would be in constant pain." Satan opened a third room and in it was Bill Clinton, lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief and finally said, "YEAH, I can handle this." Satan then smiled and said, "Okay, Monica, you're free to go!" _________________________________________________________________________________________ A man walks into the bar and the bartender notices that the man has an incredibly small head. After getting the man a beer, the bartender asks, "What happened to you head?" The man states, "Well, I was stranded on this beach and up on the shore washes a bottle. I took the bottle and began to wipe it off, when out pops a beautiful girl genie, the sexiest woman I have ever seen in my life. She looks at me and tells me that as a reward for releasing her, I can have one wish. I thought about it and told her that I wished she and I could spend the rest of our lives making mad passionate love to each other. She then tells me that this is one wish that she cannot fulfill, and to make another one..." "So, what happened?" asked the bartender "Without thinking, " replied the man, "I blurted out 'so I suppose a little head would be out of the question?' " ________________________________________________________________________________________ A woman goes to the doctors,doctor my husband can't perform any more what shall i do? Get him to take these little blue diamond shaped pills [u know the ones i mean] said the doc. He won't take pills the woman says Slip them in his coffee the doc says. A week later she returns to the doc , how did it go the doc says Terrible says the woman Did they not work when you slipped them into his coffee says the doc Oh yes , the sex is magnificent says the woman but i daren't show my face in Starbucks ever again _________________________________________________________________________________________ A little boy asks his mom, "Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's belly last night?" Mom replies, "I have to do that honey, otherwise daddy's belly will get fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." The youngster says, "That's not going to work." "Why not?" asked the mother "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again!"

Dirty stinking hole..as you say 500 baht is pretty cheap but I wouldnt stay there again if they paid me

upcoming mongers in 20 years or so no doubt

couple of real hilarious posts here today