Khao Kheo Yesterday. Bizarre Happenings.

[HILLY 9]

It was a needle match to be sure. Tony (alias justony) is well know for his contempt of losing and me and him started the day in optimistic form but found ourselves 1 down on the first after lobin sinks a put from off the green for a birdie 3 Then it was 4 down by the 9th. This was in spite of Tony declaring that we were going to win every hole from the first. Things were looking dire for us and our 150 Baht's.

 

On the tenth we started to fight back in glorious style to find ourselves 3 up on the back nine after both Pie and Lobert found the water at the island hole leaving me and Tony as the only two on the green after Lobin and Lobert had tried to teach two more of their balls to swim from the drop zone.

 

By this time the rivalry between Tony and Lobin had reached fever pitch with side bets of 1400 Baht between the two of them just resting on a victory for Tony and me on the 18th, which is a long par four with a nicely placed, fucking great big lake, on the left.

 

Here is how the hole panned out.

 

After waiting, for what seemed like ages, for the fairway ahead to clear of nature loving Thais playing a four ball, whilst Tony had his legs in the air and his balls scratched by his and my caddie, Lobin and Lobert took their turns on the tee. Ping went the sound of metal on plastic as Lobert launched his ball at the fairway. This was followed by a duller sound and a plop, as another of Lobins balls veered left and died a watery death. Later that sunny afternoon Lobins "three off the tee ball was to meet the same fate and he was destined to walk the last fairway in shame.

 

Now it was my turn and I went for the tiger line over the little bay and my ball rolled to a halt a few yards behind Loberts. Tony was the last up and declared with determination that nothing was going to stop him from taking Lobins dosh. The air was thick with excitement and anticipation as his club was drawn slowly back for the big one and before beginning its rush to the ball.

 

The sound of wind whistling past the club head was all we could hear as it approached the hapless ball that Tony was hell bent on murdering. Then a feint tickling sound was heard as the ball was sent a massive 6 inches in front and to the right of the tee and this was followed by the sound of raucous laughter from not only us but our caddies as well. Tony turned his back in shame but to him all was not yet lost as he took a fairway wood to salvage the situation with his shorts still firmly in place, despite our caddies appeal for fair play.

 

Tony swung at his ball both deliberately and with malice but the contact was once again somewhat lacking in style as his ball briefly rose into the air and landed in a water filled ditch just in front of the ladies tee. His caddie enjoyed her swim by the way.

 

All was still not yet lost however, as his illustrious partner (me) and my only remaining opposition Lobert, were all set to contest this match of giants in fine style. I took my Srixon four wood (thanks Doggie it is going well now) and the connection was pleasing to both the eye and the ear as my ball travelled long, straight and fast toward a small hillock about 20 metres to the right and in front of the green where it held about half way up.

 

Lobert managed to just surpass my shot finding himself about 15 yards from the green and still on the fairway. Meanwhile Tony had driven our buggy to the back of the green where he was lying on top of a hill with his caddie, who was massaging his nerves away.

 

It was at this point that I decided that this game was a matter of personal pride and that my caddie would not mind me turning my attentions to the far less important game of golf rather than her tits. This was in fact the most difficult decision I have ever had to make but Tony's money and my pride was resting on my prowess so I took my place on the hillside with nothing less than a win being acceptable.

 

The sand wedge in my hand felt like a leg of lamb as I tried to find a stance that would allow me to sweep the ball, so awkwardly placed, onto the green. The ball rose high and straight toward the front of the green where it came to a halt just 15 feet from the pin. Great applause was heard from all around me and even the Lobert sportingly joined this appellation.

 

Now it was Loberts turn and his wedge came down on the ball with confidence and went all of 6 feet to not quite join mine. I snickered inwardly as it was obvious that he was losing his nerve and the advantage was turning in my direction as his next shot still left him a fair distance from the pin.

 

The confidence was brimming over in me and even Tony had lost his hard on, on the hill. All I had to do now to win this hole was get my ball close enough to the pin with two puts to win or what would be a really lucky shot from lobert to half the hole from off the green. Judging by his performance that seemed unlikely so carefully I took my position over the ball with trusty putter in hand and began my practise swings.

 

The putter felt like it wanted to do the job for me as it slowly swung backward and forward in a perfectly balanced motion and then the unthinkable happened. Suddenly my putter took on a life of its own, as like a reverse magnet the back of it repelled the ball in such a fashion that it caused the ball to move fully 3 inches sideways toward the now distraught Lobert and Lobert. How this happened I will never know but suffice to say that Lobins Voodoo lessons during his time in Africa had just paid off.

 

The end was now inevitable and as Lobert and me sunk our puts in two shots each to half the hole we could not help noticing that Tony had blended in with the grass and was hardly visible any more, until once again he appeared from his hole to declare that he had extracted me from his friends for ever more.

 

This was a day to remember, or one to forget, in great company. Maybe though, it will be the last time that our Thursday four ball will ever meet again.

[OnMyWay 0]

Hilly,

 

I typically love your writing and it's always great. You can even make golf sound like such an "action" sport!!!

 

Golfing itself....kind of like watching paint dry!

[Hub 203]

Were you playing from the AARP tees again?

 

Those last three holes kill a lot of scores, methinks.

 

Hub

[hwells 6]

Hilly has the golf invasion from the North started yet or are the dogs still safe from the BBQs for a while

[Pieman 0]

Those last three holes kill a lot of scores, methinks.

Tell me about it.

 

Was having my best round for about 5 years with 34 points after 15 holes. Finishing score ? You got it - 34.

 

Lost 5 balls in 3 holes and if I'd finished all 3 would probably have taken over 30 shots.

 

Hilly's kindly practice swing on the 18th green improved my humour no end though.

 

Cheers

Pie

[justtony 1]

I Have got to say in all the years i have played golf here that day has probably got to count as one of or even the best ever fun days of golf i have ever had. Hilly your writing is spot on when reading it i feel as though i am there again. Dont worry the score now is lobin and lobert 2 Hilly and justtony 1, I can assure you there will be a lot more thursday golf days ahead and being the eternal optimist i am sure pie will give us some 5/1 about us being the first team to reach 5 and i have a funny feeling the fimal score will be hilly and justtony 5 lobin and lobert 2. we gave the fight back of a lifetime and really had them flustered until that dam gust of wind moved your putter Cant make it this thursday as away but will definately pencil in the following thursday.