The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

[BigusDicus 9,878]

WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

 

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

 

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

 

Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

 

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

 

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

 

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

 

Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled......banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

 

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

[Bruce Mangosteen 538]

The way was smoothed by the election of a No-Abilities person to the White House.

[carbine 0]

Recent experience has indicated that that is a prerequisite for the position.

[Bruce Mangosteen 538]

Recent experience has indicated that that is a prerequisite for the position.

That seems to be a pretty popular opinion anyway, accounting for much of the dislike of Bush.

[CheshireTom 1,377]

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

 

Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

 

[carbine 0]

 

 

 

OK, I'll come in.

 

Is this really a BigD initiative?.

[whilliam_mancon 2]

No wonders that people go "postal".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whilliam

[Mescalito 19]

Post this article in the paper in San Francisco and people will think it's real and cheer for it.

[carbine 0]

Post this article in the paper in San Francisco and people will think it's real and cheer for it.

 

 

Isn't it real?.

[bigdelta 46]

The way was smoothed by the election of a No-Abilities person to the White House.

He is one slick-talking negro.I thing a big reason he was elected was people got tired of Bush trying to compose a simple sentence for 8 years.

[Bruce Mangosteen 538]

He is one slick-talking negro.I thing a big reason he was elected was people got tired of Bush trying to compose a simple sentence for 8 years.

Give him a break, that's all the left can understand.

[BigusDicus 9,878]

Post this article in the paper in San Francisco and people will think it's real and cheer for it.

 

Too True

[digavich 0]

Looks like a couple of the inmates from the Politics and Religion thread have slipped the leash.

 

Can you make me a facebook friend? I cant get enough of your stuff, it makes the veges grow really well.

[sinbinjack 251]

Is the banking industry in for huge bonuses for their recent sterling non performance and compliance with this new law.

[carbine 0]

Is the banking industry in for huge bonuses for their recent sterling non performance and compliance with this new law.

 

 

 

The banking industry is almost as deserving as the politicians who decided that every American should own a house whether they could afford one or not.