You know you're getting older when

[lovedog100 1,372]

1) Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

 

2) Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

 

3) You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

 

4) 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

 

5) You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

 

6) You watch the weather channel.

 

7) Your friends marry and divorce instead of 'Hook up' and 'Break up'.

 

8) You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

 

9) Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'Dressed up'.

 

10) You're the one calling the police because those &%$#@ kids next door won't

turn down the stereo.

 

11) Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

 

12) You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

 

13) Y our car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

 

14) You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

 

15) Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

 

16) You take naps.

 

17) Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

 

18) Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather

than settle your stomach.

 

19) You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and

pregnancy tests.

 

20) A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good shit'

 

21) You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

 

22) 'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to

drink that much again.'

 

23) You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

 

24) When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking 'Oh

shit, what the hell happened?'

 

25) The only time you really want it twice is right before the first time.

 

26) The new Thai girl you screwed last night dad is 5 years younger than you.

 

27) You realize that you are at least twice as old as the women you find most attractive.

 

28) You have hair in places on your body you never had before.

 

29) You have places on your body you never had before.

 

 

Bonus

 

25) You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't

apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.

[nkped 1,207]

You tell people you go to Thailand for the scuba diving and it's true.

[atlas2 4,329]

Yesterday I went out for my late morning session and drove around for a while with no plan. Eventually found myself at 'PP massage'. Went in and discovered its a soapy........ Not my 'cup of bath salts' but thought, 'OK here now,not had a soapy for about 5 yrs give it another try.'

 

Hardly any rapport with the girl.....Mechanical,clinical...perfunctory..... Onto the bed,she decides the order of events what and when... and I just think, 'go with the flow this might get better'. We get to the naughty and I'm surprised 'Moto' has awoken and is saying, 'hello'. I thought, 'right let's get a reaction from this sulky minx'... Went through the whole of the Atlas repertoire from 'A to D' and got her grunting a little and thought now to take her out of her comfort zone..Now for my 'piece de resistance' I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and picked this lump up..... she just hung from my neck like a dead weight. No attempt to get the souls of her feet on my calves for even a smidgen of helpful purchase ............. (And now comes the 'you know your old bit')

 

 

Determined to get something for my money I just thought OK I'll see if I can do 50 'reps' for my biceps.

 

 

FYI......My biceps gave out first and 'Moto' shortly after. Went straight to soi 6 and was put right by a true professional in MFU Bar.

Edited May 24, 2010 by atlas2

[Mescalito 19]

You're not really old until you sit on the toilet and your balls hang in the water.

[short 215]

You're not really old until you sit on the toilet and your balls hang in the water.

 

 

Have you considered a squat toilet?

[samfreeland 64]

You know your getting old when you only have sex three times a day. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/worlds-oldest-dad-aged-96-1382157

[yselmike 347]

you know you are old when you call it a stereo.

[Nightrider 340]

You know your old when it take's you all night to do what you used to do all night.......

[steamer 158]

having reading material in the shitter finally makes sense to you.

[lovedog100 1,372]

VPI78 you think that something in the funnies section is worthy of a red vote? You do understand, that it's a funny, and non political don't you? Very childish of you.

[VPI78 10,458]

VPI78 you think that something in the funnies section is worthy of a red vote? You do understand, that it's a funny, and non political don't you? Very childish of you.

 

What's wrong princess, someone take away your tiara? At least you could add a cartoon.

 

Hey, have you paid off the bet on Rummy not showing up for the rest of the debates after Obozo "destroys" him in the first one ... or is it true that you are welching.

[rumpole 4]

You know your getting old when you only have sex three times a day. http://www.mirror.co...aged-96-1382157

 

You know you are getting old when you are in Thailand and the last 3 times you had sex it was with the same woman.